There is no escape
by AlicetheCircusMonster
Summary: Ludwig is a measly history teacher. Feliciano is the new transfer student with a horrible secret he cant tell anyone in fear for his life. But for some reason, Ludwig might be the exception. Warnings inside. Yaoi
1. Chapter 1

Hallo, dears! Before I actually start the story I wanted to give this really long introduction.

_**FIRST OF ALL THIS IS A RE-UPLOAD. This was posted before but was taken down buuut~ I'm re-posting it on this account**_**_. It was removed from my first account because of reasons, and I'm hoping said reason doesn't affect me again. If it does, well... I won't give up!_**

So, today I'm doing something I havent exactly done before! A YAOI WITH PLOT? WHAT IS THIS MESS? But anyway, I don't plan on making this too long, maybe a few chapters, and depending on how well it goes I might update more. Who knows.

Next thing! This is going to be a Yaoi fic, (as I've said before many a times, not a shonen ai. So dont like, don't read) But there wont be smut in every single chapter (BUT THERE IS SMUT SO I'M GOING TO SAY THIS BILLIONS OF TIMES BECAUSE LAST TIME I DIDN'T MAKE MYSELF CLEAR ENOUGH. DON'T LIKE DONT READ). But there will actually be storyline! Just because I love you! Other warnings: This fic contains serious instances of rape (not that I think rape is okay in any way. Because it isn't). Not only rape, but incest too( not that I really support incest either, but it just goes better with the storyline) So I'll say this again. _**Don't like, don't read.**_

And lastly, this doesn't take place in the actual Hetalia setting. This takes place in modern day, senior year of highschool. Ludwig (Germany) is Feliciano's(italy's) history teacher. Yes, this is a teacher/student situation. And I think I'll leave it at that. I don't want to spoil anything.

Please enjoy, review, favorite, follow, etc whatever you'd like. Tell me if I screwed up somewhere, if you have a friendly suggestion, or you think it's an absolute piece of crap/ decent piece of literature!

Love, Alice.

* * *

Ludwig stretched his arms out above his head, letting out a loud yawn as students fled the classroom. The blonde man sat back in his chair, folding his arms behind his head, and tried his best to take a few minutes to himself to just relax. Teaching the same lesson several times everyday was such a bore. It's not like Seniors listened to history anyways. They were all to focused on each other, their music, their friends' clothes, trivial things such as that. Kids just didn't care about the past.

"Hahaa! Look, wittle Feliciano is all bruised again. What, did your wittle kitty cat try to beat you up again?" Ludwig's sharp blue eyes flicked down, looking for the source of the snickers. His eyes finally landed on a group of punk-looking students surrounding something. Ludwig's eyes narrowed at the boy with a mowhawk, who was howling with laughter at his own joke. Ludwig quickly sat up and glared at the boy and his comrade, deciding to wait before taking action. He wanted to be sure he knew what was going on before he kicked the sorry little kid's ass all the way to the principle's office. Which, for the record, was on the other side of the building.

"L-leave me alone..." He head a small voice squeak from behind the cachinnation of the students.

"Aw, wittle Feliciano asked nicely." The mowhawk sporting one continued to mock, constantly using that annoying baby voice. The other rolled his eyes, and reached down. Ludwig's ears rang when he heard a slam the next second. That's when Ludwig had heard enough. His lips curled into a scowl, and he slammed his palms down onto the table. Both students jumped at the sudden loud sound, running out of the classroom as quickly as they could. His eyes, squinted in an enraged glare, followed the panicked seniors as they ran like dogs with their tails tucked between their legs. Ludwig rolled his eyes, having more than enough of bullies. Those are the students he couldn't stand. The ones acing like they were so high and mighty, yet were troubled themselves and decided to take out their anger on others.

Ludwig stood up, looking over the jumbled desks to find another student crouched down behind one of them in the back of the class. He frowned, and walked out from behind his desk to approach the student. It took him a few seconds, but he finally realized that the one crouched down on the ground with knees tucket to his chest, was the new transfer student from italy. Feliciano.

"Are you alright?" Ludwig asked the shuddering boy, offering a hand out to help him up. But Feliciano didn't respond, and instead only lifted his head up slightly (just enough to look at the tall man with his eyes) to look at the teacher. "They're gone now I promise. And trust me, I'm going to speak to the principle later about their behavior. It's alright to come on out." He said in a gentle voice, smiling as he crouched down in a frog like position to meet face to face with the italian boy. But instead of listening to the teacher, the boy shook his head, locks of uneven brown hair swishing side to side.

"No t-teacher... I'll wait here." The boy said, his voice quivering. Ludwig sighed.

"I'm sorry Feliciano, but you can't stay in the classroom forever. You need to go back home." He said, resting a comforting hand on he italian's thin shoulder. The boy then shook his head frantically, almost in a panicked manner.

"P-please teacher! Can I... Can I please j-just stay here for a b-bit?" Ludwig glanced at the boy, not sure what to say. He really did need to go home to his parents... But why was he so reluctant to leave? Why did he want to stay in this boring classroom. After thinking for a few moments, the tall German man sucked in a deep breath.

"Alright, Feliciano. I'll let you stay here with me for another thirty minutes. But that's it, alright? After that thirty minutes, you go home to your parents, alright?" Ludwig instantly saw a sense of relief in the young boys eyes.

"Th-thank you, teacher. I'll t-try not to cause you any t-trouble." He said, a bit more audibly. Ludwig smiled warmly.

"It's fine. Now why don't you stand up and we can have a regular conversation, hm?" The german man suggested holding out his hand for the boy again. Feliciano looked at him in a curious manner, peering at the mans hand from over his arm. After a few more moments of hesitation, Feliciano finally took the hand. Ludwig pulled the thin boy up with ease. Goodness... He thought. Does this boy eat at all?

"So Feliciano, what made your family move to Germany?" He asked, trying to start a decent conversation. Ludwig quickly noticed that the boy was always looking down, never at the german man's striking blue eyes. The italian's hair covered most of his face this way, and it was starting to tug at a string of annoyance in the back of his mind. Why doesn't he let me see his face?

"My-... Papa got a job here, but he's always on business trips. And my mother is currently out of work and looking for a job, so she's never home either." He said in a shy manner.

"Ah, so are you home most of the time?"

"No... My b-brother is there as well."

"Really? Is your brother nice?" At this, the italian somehow seemed to lower his head even further, as if upset my the mentioning of the brother.

"I guess." Ludwig looked at the boy curiously. He knew he was lying, but he decided to go with it.

"What about your parents? Are they nice as well?" The same response came from the italian.

"I guess." Ludwig now sighed.

"Do you not want to talk to me?" He asked, almost sounding offended. Feliciano shook his head side to side quickly.

"Of course I want to talk to you, t-teacher! It's just... I d-don't really talk about my family too much. That's all. I like talking to you, teacher." Feliciano admitted, beginning to fiddle with the hem of his shirt. Ludwig raised an eyebrow, and the boy continued. "Whenever I talk to you teacher, I always feel better. I feel... comforted some how. I feel like I can tell you anything." The german man finally smiled.

"I'm glad, Feliciano. If you ever need to talk about something, I'm here. Or you could go to the counsilor-"

"No!" Feliciano interrupted in a rush. "If I tell the counselor, she'll tell someone else!" There was panic in his voice. Ludwig frowned again. Tell the counselor what?

"Feliciano... Tell someone else what? Is something wrong?" He asked, grabbing onto the boys shoulders. Why wont he look at me?! What's going on with this boy? It was then that the boy finally looked up tp meet the German's sharp blue gaze. When the tall man got a good look at the boys face, his eyes widened. He couldn't believe what he was looking at.

There was a black, purple and blue bruise painted across the boys cheek the size of an apple. On the same side, his eye was swollen almost completely shut. Not only was there two on his face, but there were a few smaller ones covering his neck as well. On the side of his face that wasn't bruised, there were scratch marks from under his eye to his chin.

"Wh-... How...I-..." The german was at a loss for words. He didn't know what to say. His mind went completely numb. After a few moments, one sentence finally ran through his brain. What in the hell happened to this boy?

"It's nothing, really..."

"Nothing?" Ludwig barked, making the boy jump in surprise and then cringe away from his teacher. "You call this nothing? It looks like you were hurt by five people at once! Are there any more bruises or scratches?" Feliciano gave a small nod, leaning away from the tall man. "Let me see them. Now." He ordered sternly. The thin boy then slowly lifting his shirt over his head, making he teacher blush slightly. W-wait... what was he-... His eyes widened even further when he saw that more bruises and scratches littered his pale skin.

"F-..." His mouth was wide open in shock. Yet again, his brain went blank. The boy looked down, looking ashamed and began to cover his chest with his arms.

"What. Happened." The german barely managed to sputter out. Feliciano said nothing, only looked down at the ground as he did before. This only enraged the german man further. He shook the boy almost violently while practically screaming, "Look at me!" The boy shrieked out and forced his head up to look at the taller man in fear. Feliciano began to tremble at the look on his teachers face. He'd seen that look before...

He felt tears sting the back of his eyes.

At seeing the boys reaction, his face softened. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell. I just-... This is very serious and I need you to talk to me. I want to help you-"

"YOU CANT." Feliciano screamed, salty tears beginning to break through. Ludwig sighed.

"Please, tell me how this happened. Even if you think I can't do anything, I can at least try." He said gently, running a comforting had through the boys messy hair. Ludwig watched as tears overflowed from the boys eyes. He stood there, stroking the boys hair, unsure of what to do. Then, seemingly for no reason, the boy threw his arms around the german's waist. Ludwig grunted as he felt Feliciano's body ram into his, but stood there in shock as the short boy sobbed into his chest. He watched as the boy clutched tightly onto the cloth of his shirt, crying heavily into the cotton. Ludwig was frozen. He could move, he could speak, he couldn't even think.

"I-I-I'm sorry t-teacher!" Feliciano blubbered out, tightening his grip around the mans waist. "I-I'm really really s-sorry!" Without thinking, the german man threw his arms around the shorter boys shoulders. Feliciano gasped out when he felt Ludwigs freezing hands on his back. The italian's body froze. His teacher was... hugging him? Was he... Giving him affection? All Feliciano ever knew was cold harsh abuse. He had never been held tenderly like this... Ever in his life.

It felt so good. To be held like this in his strong arms-

Wait... What was he thinking?! This was his teacher for Gods sake!

But... it felt so nice... Feliciano was beginning to not care. He buried his face into Ludwig's chest, his weeping slowly calming down. Ludwig began stroking the back of the boys hair comfortingly, hushing him quietly.

"It will all be okay, Feliciano. It's all okay." He whispered. No it wouldn't be. Feliciano thought to himself. It wouldn't ever be ok.

* * *

"F-FRATELLO!" A scream tore through Feliciano's throat as the gruff man shoved the thick plastic into his arse. Lovino grunted, looking up from his book. "MAKE HIM STOP~!" Feliciano cried out, tears streaming from his eyes. The brute slammed the vibrator in and out of the scrawny boy, smirking as he watched the pained look on his face. Lovino shrugged.

"Eh, I don't wanna. He's payin me, so I gotta let him do whatever." He said nonchalantly.

"Oi, can I fuck him now?" The giant man asked, turning the vibrator up from nothing to the highest setting. Feliciano moaned out in both pain and pleasure as the brute shoved the toy straight into his prostate, the vibrating effect sending him over the edge. Just to tease, the gruff man held it against the poor boys prostate. He struggled against the handcuffs, feeling his release so close all of a sudden.

"Whatever, man." Lovino grunted, turning the page. The man yanked the toy out of the italian, eliciting a whine of protest from him. He was so close...

It was like this almost every day. His brother used him as a prostitute, letting strange men in their house, doing whatever they pleased with the poor boy and then paying Lovino when they were done. The worst part was, some of them made him feel so good. They made him scream and cry out in pleasure. And every time... Just as he was about to cum, they would finish first and leave him there, a filthy mess. A mess smelling of sex and covered in semen, bruises and scratches. He hated it. He hated his brother for doing this to him. He felt so filthy.

Like now, he was already drenched in sweat, the brute's cum covering his face. He was already positioning himself at Feliciano's entrance. Without warning he slammed himself into the boys arse, hitting his prostate dead on the first thrust.

"FRATELLIONE! OH MIO!" He screamed out. It didn't hurt. He was used to large cocks entering him without preparation. He was used to being treated roughly. The brute slammed into the boy as hard as he could. Feliciano listened to the giant above him groan out in pleasure.

The sick thing was, Feliciano was enjoying it as well. Shudders of pleasure raked through his body. Maybe, he thought, if he was a good boy this one would let him come. Then an idea clicked in the brutes mind. Not stopping his motions, he reached over to grab the still vibrating toy. Without removing himself, he shoved the shuddering toy as well.

Now it hurt. Feliciano screamed louder than he ever had before. "GET IT OUT! OH MIO IT HURTS! FRATELLO MAKE HIM TAKE IT OUT! TAKE IT OUT TAKE IT OUT!" He shrieked. Lovino grinned. He knew his little brother was a masochist, so he knew the boy would eventually get used to it, and maybe even enjoy it.

"Really? Why should I? I think you'll like it." He smirked.

"MY ASS IS GOING TO TEAR! SOMEBODY HELP ME!" The feeling of the giant's enormous cock and the huge vibrating plastic was just too much. He didn't think he take it anymore.

"I think you like it, Feliciano." Lovino teased. "I think you want him to hurt you more." He snapped his fingers, and the brute above him rammed the plastic in deeper. Feliciano felt as if he was being ripped apart from the inside. He was beginning to see spots in his vision. It was just too much. The giant muscular man grunted and moaned, releasing inside of the boy in a few seconds. The man pulled out, wiping the sweat from his brow. Feliciano groaned in relief when he felt his arse empty out, semen leaking out as well. The man began to put his clothes back on, and when he was through, he tossed a pile of money at Lovino and left without a word. But after a few moments, he mentally groaned. The man hadn't bothered to take out the vibrator that was shoved deep into him. He struggled in his bindings, wanting to take it out. Shivers shook through his body. The large toy was crammed against his prostate, and the fact that it was vibrating on the highest setting was beginning to send him over the edge.

"F-fratello..." Feliciano whimpered, arching his back. Lovino finally put the book (that he wasn't actually paying attention to at all) down, and crawled on the bed as well. He loomed over his little brother, savoring that flushed expression on the boy's face. Lovino grinned, and licked his brothers face next to his lips. Lovino then cringed.

"Ugh." He spat, wiping his mouth. "That man tastes disgusting. And he got it all over your beautiful face." He wiped a thumb against Feliciano's heated face, smearing a bit of leftover cum. He wiped it all off of the boys face, ignoring the fact that the boy was desperately moaning out from under him. He bent down to gently kiss his little brothers opened lips, causing the boy to come out of his trance and squeak.

"Fratello? What are you- AAH~!" Felicano began, but cried out in pleasure when his brother began pumping his length. He was already so close to his release... He was beginning to see white spots in his vision... Just a little more... But Lovino smirked when he felt his brother tense up, and quickly took off his hand and yanked out the vibrator. Feliciano whined and groaned, near tears at how his release was denied once again. Lovino chucked.

"Feliciano doesn't like it when I don't let him come, does he?" He cooed, kissing his brothers cheek. He grabbed the boys thigh gently, making him jump. He dipped his tongue into his brothers mouth, taking Feliciano completely off guard. While keeping his brother occupied, he yanked down his pants. He then grinded down onto Feliciano's erection, causing him to cry out again. Lovino gently caressed the boy's cheek with the back of his hand.

"Shh, it's okay. Your grande fratello will make it all better." He whispered into the boys ears, sending shivers up his spine. Feliciano looked down to see Lovino positioning himself at his entrance. His eyes widened.

"Fratello?" He squeaked in a panicked tone. Lovino shushes his brother, and then rammed himself into the thin boy. Feliciano screamed again, but at hearing his brothers pain, Lovino became gentler. He thrusted into Feliciano slowly, trying not to hurt his brother too much. He listened to the boy under him pant loudly, while watching his chest rise and fall at a rapid pace. He ducked his head down and ran his tongue along Feliciano's nipple, causing him to moan out his brothers name.

"Fratello~." Feliciano groaned loudly. He knew this was wrong. He knew that not only should he not do it because it was his brother, but because of all of the ways that his brother abused him. Not only did Lovino sell his body to strange men, he physically and sexually abused him when he wanted to. When Lovino was angry or in any kind of bad mood, he would hit Feliciano or hurt him. Sometimes, he would even whip him. Every now and then Lovino would tie him up (like he did every time), blindfold, gag and whip him until he bled.

"Where were his parents" is what people would always ask. Feliciano always told everyone that his parents were on business trips, or away for some other reason. But the truth was that they had died years ago. Feliciano had been living with Lovino for about 5 years. And he hated every second of it. It's not like Lovino was a bad brother... Other than the prostitution and abuse, Lovino was a caring brother. If Feliciano had a bad day, Lovino would hold the thin boy and let him cry until he felt better. He would cradle the boy to his chest and whisper into his ear that everything would be ok, and that he would make sure that he wouldn't let anyone hurt him. Of course, the prostitution was the exception to this promise. But if the client was harsh on the boy, Lovino would do his best to comfort his little brother and relax his body.

"You like this, don't you Feliciano?" The elder brother cooed, his lips covering and sucking on the pert nipple. Feliciano let out a quiet moan, struggling against the bindings even more. Lovino sped up the pace of his thrusts hitting the thin boy's prostate every time.

"Fratello, please~!" Feliciano begged, thrusting his hips against his brothers. His dripping, throbbing erection grinded against Lovino's stomach. Lovino smirked.

"You want to cum-nnng- don't you Feliciano? I know those men never let you finish. They're so cruel to you. But I'll let you cum..." He taunted into his ear. Feliciano's brown eyes sparkled at the words. "-If-.." Feliciano then groaned. He was willing to do anything to cum right now. What could his devious brother possibly want from him. Lovino dipped his hand down to teasingly poke the tip of his dripping cock, making pleasure shoot through Feliciano's spine. "If you not only beg for it... But you let me do whatever I want to you another time." He gripped the base of Feliciano's cock tightly.

"YES! YES WHATEVER YOU WANT! I'LL BEG! I'LL BEG! PLEASE LET ME COME FRATELLO PLEASE! PLEASE PLEASE!" Feliciano screamed. If he didn't come soon he thought he was going to literally go insane. Lovino smirked.

"Call me by my name, Feliciano." He whispered huskily against the shell of his ear, giving it a soft lick while he began pumping his brothers cock quickly.

"LOVINO!" Feliciano cried. The next moment, his release hit him so hard he swore he saw stars. Cum shot out of his aching cock, giving the poor italian boy the release he so eagerly needed. This was his first orgasm in weeks. It felt more amazing than anything he had ever felt before. Sparks were flying in his mind, his whole body tingled, he felt like he was floating in space. Well, and still able to breath of course.

At feeling the boys walls tightening, Lovino came as well, emptying his load into the boy and then pulling out. Feliciano couldn't move. He was so exhausted. Right now he wanted nothing more than to get up and shower. The feeling of two men's cum in his arse felt disgusting. He also wanted to rip off the sheets and put on new ones. The smelled of sex was rank. The sheets were covered in sweat, lube and cum. It was sick.

Lovino reached over onto the bedside table and grabbed the handcuff key, unlocking the boys handcuffs. Feliciano gave a sick of relief as he was able to put his arms back down. He rubbed the circular bruise that wrapped around his wrists. Finally... He thought. He tried to get out of the bed, wanting to sleep on something else but he was just to exhausted and fell back onto the bed. Lovino grinned, and laid next to his brother, wrapping his arms around the boy. Feliciano sighed.

When could he get out of here?

* * *

I hope you liked it! Yes, Lovino is VERY OOC, but hey it helps with the plot of the story okay? If there's confusion, lemme know and I'll add an explanation in the next chap, kay?

Thanks for reading!

Italy: Alicu doesn't own hetalia!

Germany: Just the storyline.

Italy: Hey! Doitsu I thought I was giving the disclaimer!


	2. Chapter 2

**Welcome back!**

**A question I got was how old everyone was in this story. Obviously Feli-chan is in his senior year of highschool, so he's 18. I don't know how much older Lovino is in the real Hetalia series... (Do they even have actual ages? Or is it just how old that actual country is? Who knows...) But in this story lets say he's in his early twenties. Maybe 22? Close enough. Ludwig is probably a bit closer to his thirties, so lets go with around 27? (If he went to college at 18... went to 4 years of college... so he'd be teaching for 5 years! That works!) Antonio (who shows up in this chapter) is about the same age as Lovino. **

**So now that that's cleared up, please enjoy this next chapter! Please review. It really makes me update faster. **

**As always,**

**Love Alice.**

* * *

"So! To make sure you were paying attention-" Ludwug glared at a student whom he could tell was drifting off to sleep. He couldn't stand people who slept in his class...

"Angelika!" He hollered after slamming his hands down on the wooden desk, the loud 'bang' echoing through the entire room. Angelika jumped up, her eyes widened with surprise.

"Y-yes sir?" She asked, her voice shaking a bit.

"What years did the French Revolutionary wars take place?" He asked deeply, looking dead at her. All of the eyes in the room were now focused on her. She could feel a droplet of sweat running down her face. _Why is teacher so scary?_

"Um... 17...92..." She began to mutter, thinking as hard as she could.

"Good, and then when did it end?" He added. She started to panic. _I don't know this! _She thought to herself.

"Uh... 1800?" She guessed wildly. All of the students gasped, and the tall man's eyes narrowed.

"WRONG!" Ludwig shouted, slamming his fists down again, making the girl squeal. "Young lady, for falling asleep in my classroom, you now have 2 hours of deten-" His sentence was interrupted by the bell. He sighed as he watched her rapidly zip out of the classroom. He began erasing the chalkboard as everyone else began leaving the class as well. But when he saw a certain student from the corner of his eye, he called out his name.

"Feliciano." A few other people paused to watch what the teacher was going to say. _Was he gunna pick on the new guy? _They thought. The brunette obviously paused as well, and turned a shaky head to his teacher.

"Y-y-yes sir?" He squeaked. The teacher extended his index finger outward, then bended it towards him to signal the boy to come.

"I need to talk to you. Stay after class for a moment, please." A few of the watching students snickered, pointing and giggling to themselves. _Teachers pet_ they all thought. Feliciano slowly made his way over to Ludwig as the room was finally empty, trying his best to hide the pain in his backside. Ludwig gestured towards a chair on the opposite side of his desk, noticing that he seemed to be walking funny.

"Sit down for a second." He said, smiling warmly. Even with that smile, Feliciano felt as if he had done something wrong.

"Did I d-do something, teacher?" He asked. Ludwig shook his head.

"No, no Feliciano. You did nothing wrong. I just wanted to... talk to you a bit more on what we discussed yesterday." He said. Feliciano frowned. _Oh no... _"So what you showed me..." He continued. "Do you maybe, want to tell me how it happened?" Feliciano stayed silent, looking down into his lap. "You don't have to if you don't want to talk about it-," Ludwig reassured. "But, I'm worried about you Feliciano. I don't want to see anything bad happen to you. I want to do whatever I can to help you. So please tell me. Was it someone here at school?" He asked. _Yeah right... _Feliciano thought to himself.

"Someone you didn't know?" _I guess that's one way of putting it-_

"Maybe... Was it someone at home-..." Ludwig said in a hushed tone, not trying to sound insensitive. He doubted that it actually was somebody who lived with him, but it was always a possibility. The italian only continued to stare into his lap. Ludwig wished he could just read the boy's mind so that he wouldn't have to go through the trouble of actually saying the things that bothered him. Even more so, he wished that there _was _nothing bothering the boy. He wished he could just fix him, polish that tarnished skin, fill in the cracks that covered the boy's tiny frame.

But the boy stayed silent. He refused to answer. And after sitting together in an awkward silence for a few minutes, Ludwig finally took the hint that Feliciano didn't want to talk.

"Alright, you can go now." He sighed.

"But-..." Feliciano blurted, his brown eyes flicking up to meet the Ludwig's at last. The blonde man raised an eyebrow.

"What is it? It seems obvious that you don't want to talk about the situation... And the only reason I called you out is to make sure you're ok." Ludwig said softly, standing up from his seat. Feliciano suddenly frowned, and he noticed it. "Something wrong?" He asked.

"I..." He paused for a moment, and decided to let it go. He wanted so badly to ask to stay with the tall man again. But who would want to stay with him? He was almost positive that the only reason the teacher was nice to him is because of pity. Yes, he was sure that was it. He pitied the boy. And who would want to waste their precious spare time with a trivial creature like him... "It's nothing.. I'll go now." Feliciano said in a small voice. Ludwig frowned at how the boy seemed to slug out of the room in a depressing matter. He sighed.

"Now to make that phone call..."

* * *

"Fratello?" Feliciano called out as he walked into the tiny apartment, shutting the door behind him. He frowned, noticing how quiet it was. He suddenly heard shuffling, making him jump, but he then relaxed when he saw Antonio's tall frame come out of the bedroom. It was only Lovino's spanish boyfriend... What a relief.

"Hey." He muttered, chewing on some sort of chip. "Lovino's not here." Feliciano was shocked.

"He's... Not here?"

"Si." The lanky brunette answered, flopping onto the couch.

"Do you know where he went?"

"Nope. We were in the middle of making out and the phone rang. Of course he answered it and then when he hung up he ran out like there was some sort of emergency. Didn't say anything either." Feliciano sighed, half in frustration... And half in relief.

"Oh..." Was all he muttered. Antonio groaned, leaning his head back to rest on the top of the couch.

"Dammit, Lovino. He better be prepared to make up for it when he gets home." He smirked after he finished his sentence. Feliciano cringed, not wanting to think about his big brother getting in on with the spaniard. He just decided to push the disgusting thought out of his head and sit down on the opposite side of the couch of the brunette and dump out his backpack, searching for his homework. Antonio leaned his head back up, eyeing the boy as he began scribbling on a paper.

"Wa'cha working on?" He asked, leaning over to peer at the work the italian was doing.

"History. My teacher is very strict, and I want to do what he asked me to do. I want to stay on his good side." Antonio chuckled.

"Ha, man am I glad I'm out of highschool. But that history teacher of yours... Is he at least a bit nice?" Feliciano smiled, thinking of Ludwig.

"Oh yes! He is a very nice man. Yes, if you don't obey his rules or don't listen to him, he get's extremely scary. But if he likes you... I can't even think of a way to describe it. Sometimes I'll talk to him after class, and he's so kind! He'll tell me jokes or help me with work I don't quite understand. But when I talk to him personally... Oh, it's like everything bad in the world disappears... It's like his words get rid of gravity, they make me feel like I'm floating. When he tries to make me feel better... I feel like a ray of sunshine is shining brightly on me, making all of those dark clouds of sadness go away. I get this warm fuzzy feeling...-" Feliciano wasn't sure what else to say about the man. Besides the fact that he was moody sometimes, Ludwig was a wonderful man. Not to mention that gorgeous blonde hair that was always so well kept and slick back and _those eyes_. Those brilliant, dazzling, sparkling blue eyes made him feel like he was in the pacific ocean every time he looked into them. Not to mention that handsome muscular build...-

Feliciano suddenly halted all thoughts and mentally kicked himself. This was his teacher! Antonio smirked.

"It sounds like you have a little crush." He teased, poking Feliciano's cheek. The italian suddenly flushed a deep crimson.

"Wha-... I don't have a crush on my teacher!" Feliciano said. _Oh dio _it even sounded like a lie when he said it. Antonio burst out in a fit of laughter, patting the boy's shoulder.

"It's okay, man,-" He said as his laughter calmed down. "Everyone goes through it at some point. When I was in my sophomore year of highschool, my math teacher was a _babe_. I mean really, this chic had boobs that could stop a bus. Not even kidding, ask your brother. But every time I would see here, my heart would race and I'd get all sweaty. It was insane." Feliciano's eyes were side open as he listened intently.

"So what did you do?" Antonio shrugged.

"I kinda realized that I only wanted to get into her pants... And girls don't really like that, ya know? So I kinda just decided to leave it alone, and eventually I left it alone. And I turned gay by my senior year, so everything worked out." He explained. Feliciano frowned. He was really hoping that his answer would help him with his predicament... But it didn't.

"Hey, that's not right." Antonio grunted, pointing to one of the questions on Feliciano's homework.

"Huh?" He went over his answer a few times, before Antonio gave him the answer.

"1802." Feliciano facepalmed, wincing as he realized he had slapped the giant welt on his skin.

"Ugh, I swear I knew that! Thanks for helping me." He said, smiling at the spaniards friendly face. He liked Antonio. Obviously not in the same way the Lovino, but Antonio felt like an older brother to him. A kinder, less sexually abusive older brother. Antonio's face grew into a big, toothy smile. God, why were his teeth so perfect?

"No problem! Can't have that history teacher you're crushing on getting all mad at you, can we?" He chuckled, and Feliciano blushed again.

"I don't-... Ugh you suck!" Feliciano groaned, going back to his homework. Even though Antonio teased him a lot, that only added to the fact that he reminded him of how a real older brother should act.

Antonio studied the boy as he seemed to be working hard on his assignment. He was kind of envious. Maybe if he had worked as hard as the boy, he would have ended up in a better situation than he was now. Maybe he would have gotten a real job that payed a hell of a lot more han the one he had now did. Maybe he would have found a better lover...

Not that Lovino was a bad boyfriend... But every night they slept together he was terrified he would end up in the same situation as poor Feliciano. Yes, he knew of the poor boy's situation. He knew about Lovino's abuse to his little brother... And he felt horrible every day for not doing anything about it. But what could he do? Call the cops? Yes, that would be the obvious solution. But then Lovino... He would be sent off to rot in jail for the rest of the day. Maybe even worse... Maybe they'd put him in the asylum... He just couldn't do that to his boyfriend! But... Could he continue living with himself knowing what the man was doing to Feliciano?

But if he told the cops... What if when Lovino got out (if he got out that is), what if he were to come after him for telling? What would Lovino try to do to him... The same thing he did to Feliciano? No... He'd be much harsher. There'd be no reason for him to hold back...

The thought made shivers run up his spine.

* * *

"Come in." Ludwig's voice boomed through the room. The door opened and a tall, thin, very young looking italian man walked through the door. The german gestured towards the seat in front of him, and the young man smiled and sat down.

"What can I help you with?" The italian asked, a friendly smile on his face. Ludwig eyed the man curiously, a few thoughts running through his mind. A few being this: He looked quite a lot like Feliciano, only less covered in bruises. He had the same kind of hair as Feliciano, not too long but long enough for it to wave at the end. He also had that same little oddball curl that stuck out from everything else like Feliciano did, only his was on the opposite side.

"You're the one I spoke on the phone with, yes?" He asked mid thought. The italian nodded.

"Were you expecting someone else?" He questioned. The next thought that ran through his mind was the next thing that he said.

"You look way too young to be Feliciano's father..." The italian wanted to burst out into laughter. This man though he was Feliciano's dad? But he decided to mess with the teacher a little and decided to hit him with a snappy comeback.

"You look way too young to be a teacher with a four year degree." He said. Lugwig raised an eyebrow, narrowing his eyes at the italian. They sat there staring into each other's eyes for a few moments, before the younger of the two men began to laugh.

"I'm not Feliciano's dad. I'm his older brother, Lovino. I was just playing with you a second ago. It's nice to meet you." Now it all made sense to the german...

"You as well. Now like I said on the phone, I want to talk to you about Feliciano." _Wow, he's very straight and to the point... _Lovino thought to himself.

"Whatever about? Has he done something wrong?" His tone darkened, a smirk growing on his lips as he began to think of ways he would have to punish his little brother...

"No, he's a wonderful student, and I can tell he works very hard." Lovino raised an eyebrow.

"So then whats the problem?" Ludwig sucked in a deep breath before speaking.

"I noticed that Feliciano has... Bruises, and many other forms of injuries _all over _his body. I didn't know if you were aware of this... Or if maybe you knew how they occured." Lovino's smirk dropped. His face instantly went blank and he visually paled. _How the hell_...

"Oh no! I had no idea!" Lovino feigned suprise and concern. Lovino knew damn well about all of those delicious marks that he had given his little brother... But he couldn't let anyone else find out. Oh no, his life would be over. They'd throw him in jail with the snap of his fingers...

Ludwig frowned, his eyebrows knitting together. "You really have never seen these marks on your brother before?" _Crap... _He had to come up with something quick...

"You see, whenever my poor brother finally comes home after walking so far, he studies and works on his homework for hours asking to not be disturbed. And when he's finished, he goes straight to sleep. The poor thing hardly sleeps at night, and now I know why. Who could have done this?" He asked, a look of absolute terror controlling his face.

"You think maybe someone attacked him while he was out of the house?" Lovino pretended to shrug.

"I don't know! I sure hope not... Poor Feli..." Ludwig sighed.

"Alright... I just wanted to bring it to you're attention. I'm really worried about him.. I hope he heals soon." He said sadly. Lovino nodded in agreement and stood up.

"I hope so as well... Thank you for bringing this to my attention." With that, Lovino began storming out of the door. Well, mentally storming that is. His apparent walk looked normal like always.

_Shit shit shit shit shit shit SHIT! _

* * *

**So? How do you think Lovino will react? *evil grin* I'll tell you Feli-chan wont like it. But that will have to wait for the next chap. I'm sorry this chap's a bit shorter than last one...  
**

**Please review. Ask any questions, tell me what you liked/didn't like. It helps alot.**

**Thanks for reading!~**


	3. Chapter 3

**Guess who's the speediest updater in the world? I kinda wrote everything as fast as possible because I was just so excited about writing this! So sorry if it's a little less than you were expecting. This is kind of a fast going story, isn't it? As I said in the first chap, this isn't going to be very long. But anywho I do hope that you like it! Review please~. You guys really don't know how much it helps  
**

**Love Alice.**

* * *

"FELICIANO VARGAS!" The loud scream rang in his ears. Only by hearing his voice, Feliciano immediately panicked. His heart began to race. He could tell that voice from anywhere. _Lovino_. A pissed off, Lovino. He was suddenly so terrified he could hear his ears ring. He could feel his heart dropping into his stomach, then try to beat its way out. Oh god, what was going on? He hadn't been this scared of his brother in weeks!

_Thump thump thump. _

The floor of the cheap apartment shook from angry stomps. The hairs on the back of his neck began to stand up. His knuckles turned white from gripping the fabric of his pants so hard. Feliciano couldn't think. He couldn't breathe. He was absolutely _**frozen**_. Literally paralyzed in fear.

"Lovino? What's wrong?!" Antonio asked, wrapping his arms around the boy in a protective manner.

"THIS BASTARD TOLD SOMEBODY ABOUT ME!" Lovino screamed at the top of his lungs, his face red in anger. Antonio held out a hand to stop the enraged italian.

"Lovino calm down!" He said, trying to stay calm himself. Even he was beginning to worry. He had never seen Lovino in this state.. What had gotten into him?

"NO. SOMEBODY ALMOST FOUND OUT ABOUT ME BECAUSE OF HIM. DO YOU KNOW WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED TO ME?"

"Lovino! Let's just talk this through, okay! I'm sure he didn't mean it-" He was interrupted by the back of Lovino's hand crashing against his face. A sharp pain shot through his cheek.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP AND MOVE OUT OF THE WAY." He screamed at his lovers face. Antonio hissed in pain, but refused to move.

_Thump thump! Thump thump!_

"Lovino..." He said in a deep and serious growl. "I wont let you hurt him any more!" Lovino violently gripped at the Spaniards arm, tearing his body away from his brother.

Even though Feliciano was aware of the situation, he was still frozen on that spot on the couch. His body wouldn't dare move, or try to do anything against his brother. "LOVINO STOP!" Antonio cried out from the ground, gripping the italian's leg tightly. In a swift movement, Lovino's fist collided with Antonio's temple knocking the Spanish man unconscious.

_Thump thump! Thump thump!_

"No!" Feliciano finally screamed. Lovino's eyes flicked back to the small boy, who was making his way to the unconscious man on the ground. "Don't hurt him, Fratello! He did nothing wrong!" He pleaded, fresh tears slipping from his eyes. A growl erupted from the enraged man's throat.

"YOU." He screamed, reaching for Feliciano's neck. Feliciano choked, feeling all air flow to his lungs stop at how hard his brother was squeezing his throat. It was definitely going to bruise.

"Fr-" His brother lifted him off of the ground by his throat, pulling him up from eye level. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to struggle out of Lovino's tight grasp.

"THIS IS ALL YOU'RE FAULT." Lovino barked, throwing him harshly back on the floor next to Antonio. Felicinao took a deep breath in, taking in large gulps of sweet air. But just before his breathing returned to normal, his felt his brother's heel crash down on his chest. All of the air he had just gotten back was now pushed out in a fraction of a second. "ITS BECAUSE OF YOU THAT DAMN TEACHER OF YOURS IS GETTING INVOLVED." Feliciano's eyes widened. Even though his vision was blurry and his ears rang, he could still make out what his brother had said. That.. Teacher? Ludwig? What did Ludwig say to Lovino-...

_Oh god... _Ludwig must have told Lovino that he saw the bruises. Ludwig knew something is up, and that pissed off Lovino to no extent. If Ludwig got too involved, they might be able to find out who was causing the abuse. They'd find Lovino... They'd stop him. They'd punish him. That explained perfectly why Lovino was acting like this. He knew there was a chance of someone finding him.

"Who did you say it was?" Lovino spat, finally bringing down his volume. Feliciano couldn't answer. It's not that he didn't know how to, it's that he was physically unable to. He coughed and coughed, blood beginning to seep from his lips from that last blow. Lovino's lips turned down into a snarl, and he grabbed the boy by the back of his hair, ripping his hair down so his face was now looking up at his. "I ASKED YOU A QUESTION YOU BETTER ANSWER IT MOTHERFUCKER!" He screamed again. Feliciano opened his mouth to answer, but all that came out was blood. He tried looking at his brother's enraged face, but couldn't see a thing. Not only were tears making the bottom of his sight blurry, but all of his vision entirely was beginning to fail him from the lack of air. He began wondering if any of his ribs were broken from when Lovino had kicked him. That would make sense. It sure did feel like it.

But because of his lack of reply, Lovino slammed his brothers face down into the floor. Feliciano felt his septum break completely as it came into contact with the unforgiving ground. He screamed out in pain, blood gushing from his nose. Without waiting for even a moment to let his brother take in what had just happened, he began to drag Feliciano by his hair into the bedroom. Feliciano screamed at the top of his lungs, hoping maybe someone on the apartments around him would hear him and come to save him. He screamed and screamed, ignoring the stinging pain it was causing him in his already bleeding throat. Blood flowed nonstop from his nose and gushed from his lips as well. His vocal chords felt as if they were on fire. All the while his hair was practically being ripped from his head as Lovino mercilessly dragged him to their bedroom. Lovino threw his brother violently on top of the bed.

Nobody had tried to come for him. Nobody was_ going _to come for him. The realization hit him like a ton of bricks. Nobody, not even Antonio would be able to save him.

It was then that Feliciano's screams stopped.

_Thump._

_Thump. _

_Thump._

* * *

Ludwig sighed, running his palms through his slicked backed hair. He ordered another beer and began massaging the temples of his forehead. God, he was a mess. He hadn't been able to sleep well for a few days. He'd barely been eating. He was so far back on school work he thought it might take him a year to finish it all. And what was he doing instead of working, sleeping or even eating? Sitting at a bar. He was so ashamed of himself, but he was starting to get to the point where he didn't even care anymore. What was going on with him? Ever since he found out about the incident with that new transfer student, everything went to hell. It was all he could think about anymore. And the more the thought about it, the more he worried about the boy. What if one day he came in even worse than before. He seemed to get better... But if it had happened once than there's a chance it could easily happen again. What if he was near death? What if he was being hurt right now...

What if he suddenly stopped coming to school... Would that mean-..

No! He couldn't think about these things. He was just going to get himself overworked...

But... What if something that terrible really did happen to the boy? Ludwig didn't think he could live with himself knowing something like that happened and he didn't do anything to help. But how was he supposed to help him? He could tell the police.. But he knew absolutely nothing about the situation, so there was nothing to tell the police. And he already told his brother... So what more was there to do?

The second that the bartender had slammed the mug filled to the brim with beer, Ludwig instantly snatched it away off the table and began to chug it. He knew that drowning himself in alcohol wasn't going to fix anything, but it sure made did help numb his thoughts. Placing the mug back on the table, he groaned. The beer was not helping his raging headache.

Why was he thinking so much about this? He wondered to himself. Of course any sane man would be worried if he saw someone in Feliciano's state. But they wouldn't be loosing sleep over it... He liked Feliciano, yes. He was a wonderful student and a joy to be around. He was almost... like a son to the german?

No. That was a lie and he knew it. His relationship with Feliciano.. Somehow it felt more than that. He felt like he was becoming emotionally attached to the boy. But that was wrong, wasn't it? This kid was about 9 years younger than him! There's no way he should have any kind of feelings for him...

Wait... Had he just admitted to himself that he had feelings for the boy? _Damnit Ludwig get a hold of yourself_. He took another large gulp of beer. Maybe that was it. Maybe it was just the alcohol talking. Yes, that had to be it. But if he did have some form of feelings... That would make sense as to why he was so worried. But.. He refused to admit it to himself that he had feelings for the boy. It was just wrong. Not only is the age difference wrong, but the fact that Feliciano is his student makes it worse. And then worst of all, HE'S A BOY. Ludwig wasn't gay! He might admit he was bi-curious, but no enough to date a student!

But there was just... something about that italian boy. Something that made his heart skip a few beats every time his eyes met those beautiful brown ones. Something that made his palms sweat when he got near him. But it just couldn't be! It was just plain wrong!

Wasn't it? Ugh.. He needed another drink.

* * *

A loud crack broke the silence in the air, followed by a loud strangled sounding scream.

"You're going to regret this." Lovino growled, slapping the whip down on Feliciano's bare skin once more. The boy screamed even louder, trying to turn his body away from the lashes. Blood covered his chest and stomach, old wounds re-opening and new ones appearing all over. His entire abdomen seemed to be painted red around the wounds from irritation. Feliciano was blindfolded and handcuffed to the bed. But he wasn't handcuffed in any sort of normal position. Each of his limbs were handcuffed to a corner of the bed, making him completely unable to move. He sobbed, wishing this torture would just end already. What else was his brother going to do to him?! What else _could _he do to him?

_Crack crack crack. _Lovino grinned darkly to himself as he watched his brother cry out in pain as the whip collided with his skin. He dragged the whip up from his chest and to his chin. He contemplated whipping his brothers face... How beautiful it would be to see a fresh welt on that pale skin. How lovely his brothers face would look painted red by his own blood. And oh, just how much it would turn him on to hear him scream once more...

_Crack_.

Feliciano wailed. Lovino had whipped over his eye. The pain he was in was absolutely unbearable. His entire body burned, especially his eye. Why was he doing this to him? It was Lovino's fault for doing this in the first place! It wasn't Feliciano's fault for having visible injuries, after all. So why did Lovino blame him? Was it just because he was confused? Was it because he was scared? Scared that someone might someday catch and punish him for all of his wrong-doings? Was that why he took it out on Felicinao?

Lovino licked his lips, watching as blood dripped down the boys face. He leaned down to lick at the blood, and moaned lightly as he felt his brothers taste on his tongue. "You taste so good, Feliciano." He purred, moving to lick at the shell of his ear. Feliciano froze. Oh no... Now he was going to treat him like this too? Before he could think anything else, Lovino bit down down harshly on Feliciano's ear. The boy cried out, and his brother lapped at the blood seeping from the fresh wound. "I want to taste more you..." He groaned, reaching into his back pocket for something. Feliciano's heart dropped when he saw that it was his hunting kife. Lovino smirked as he flicked the blade out, loving watching his little brother's brown eyes widen.

"Wh-what are you-..." He sputtered, no able to find words. Fear gripped him even more now. He swore he saw Lovino's eyes darken with blood lust. That grin on his face terrified him. Lovino slowly lowered the knife, Feliciano's muscles tensing as the cold metal touched his skin. Without warning, Lovino slowly pressed slightly into his brothers skin, eliciting a whimper of pain from the smaller of the two. Feliciano threw his head back. He couldn't stand it anymore... He didn't think he could take it. Consciousness was already beginning to flee from him from all of the blood loss. He realized that he wasn't able to move his limbs as well, and this began to worry him. What if he passed out? What would Lovino do to his body if he wasn't conscious? Would he go so far as to kill him...

No, he knew his brother better than that. Lovino wouldn't kill him. If he killed him, who would he take his anger out on? How would he make money? He wouldn't dare do that to Antonio... But before today he thought he would never hit him either. Lovino was beginning to change, and Feliciano could tell by the crazed look in his eyes as he sliced through several parts of his skin, laughing while he did so. Feliciano could scream no longer. All of the air in his lungs was gone. All of the tears in his eyes had begun to dry up. He felt his entire body go numb. His vision began to darken and close in. The last thing he could see was Lovino tearing his clothing off.

* * *

Ludwig sighed as he exited the bar. He checked the time on his phone. It was already one in the morning? He didn't realize he had been there for so long, and he really needed to get some sleep. He surprisingly wasn't drunk off his ass, which was definitely a good thing. He shoved his phone back into his pocket and fiddled with his car keys, fumbling with them for a few moments before finally grabbing the right one. He unlocked the door and started the car, hissing as hot air hit him from the air conditioner. He hated how it took a few moments for the air to turn cool...

He then felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He groaned. _Who could be calling me this late? _He pulled it back out and looked at the caller ID. It wasn't someone he recognized, but he decided to answer anyway just in case it was anyone from school.

"Hallo?" He asked, his accent somehow seemed thicker than it usually was.

"_H-hello? Is this Ludwig?" _A panicked sounding voice asked from the other end. He frowned.

"Yes, can I help you?" He asked. He head heavy breathing from the other end.

_"Oh thank god. I'm so sorry to disturb you this late b-but I didn't know who else to turn to!" _

"Who is this? What's the problem?" He asked in a shaky voice.

_"My name is Antonio. It's about Feliciano... I didn't know what else to do-!" _The man on the other end sounded as if he was crying. Ludwig's eyes widened.

"What's wrong with Feliciano? Is he ok?" He asked, beginning to panic himself.

_"No! He's not ok! He might __**die**__!" _The spanish sounding man said loudly.

"Who's hurting him?!" Ludwig shouted, pulling out of the parking lot with speed.

_"If... If I tell you who it is... Will you not tell him it was me?" _Ludwig could tell the man was sobbing by now.

"Yes! Yes! Just tell me who it is and where!" He heard deep shaky breaths from the other end.

_"It's... It's Lovino. His brother."_

* * *

**Holy mother of god, that probably gave doitsu a heart attack on the road didn't it? Sorry for this chapter being short as well. Hope to see you next chap~ **


	4. Chapter 4

**Good lord this chapter took me a little while more than I had wanted to! I had to do all kinds of edits and things. Sorry for any english fails in the past few chapters or upcoming ones. My english... as I'v said many times before.. Not my best language! XD. I reeeally hope all of you wonderful people like it. I'm actually now contemplating making this longer than I first intended. Maybe, who knows I guess depends on if people want me to or not. But here it is! Chapter 4! Please review. Tell me if you liked, didn't like, if it needs editing and if I should make it longer or not. **

**Love, Alice**

* * *

His heart stopped beating. He had slammed on the brakes. If he could have a proper thought in his mind, he would have been thankful that there was nobody on the road. He couldn't move.

The whole time, it was his brother. The one that hurt him so bad, the one that abused him. The whole time, it was his _brother. _And Feliciano never told anyone... Why wouldn't he do the right thing? Why wouldn't he save himself my just telling the truth? Why could he just tell him?! Was it because he wanted to protect his brother? Save him from a harsh life in jail? But why would he stand all of that abuse to save the one who was doing it? Wouldn't it just make sense so save your life than to keep someone who deserved to be in an asylum out of jail.

Ludwig felt tears sting the back of his eyes. No, he refused to cry at a time like this. He had to get going and he had to hurry. The man on the phone... He had said that Feliciano's life might be in danger. What did that mean? Was he being hurt now? He quickly stepped down on the gas, going much faster than the speed limit allowed. But he didn't care. He _had _to get to Feliciano, and he had to get to him as fast as possible.

It was his brother... Ludwig literally had a hard time believing it. Why would his brother hurt him like that? What had Feliciano ever done to deserve such pain? He was such a good kid... It just wasn't fair!

Ludwig noticed when he finally approached the cheap, run down looking apartment buildings. _This is really where such a sweet boy lives...?_ He was glad he at least knew the place he lived, but he cursed his brain, not remembering which number his home was. He quickly turned off of the car and ran into the main building. He burst through the doors, surprising the man at the front desk.

"Can I help you sir?" He asked, slightly concerned.

"Which apartment do the Vargas's live in?" He asked in a panic. The man frowned.

"Hold on, I can look it up." He said calmly.

"Hurry up!" Ludwig barked, slamming his hands down on the table (a habit of his when he was frustrated). The man scrolled through the information on his, seeming not to care about the situation. Ludwig groaned, and ran out. If he had to search himself, he would.

"Sir, wait!" The man at the counter called after him. "It's 327!" He shouted after the running man. _327 327 327 327... _He repeated to himself, running like a mad man. He searched for the 300's first. When he finally found the correct building, he began to run up and down the staircases. By now, he was drenched in sweat. He bent over, breathing heavily. It had been 5 minutes and he hadn't found him yet... He felt like this would take forever. But he couldn't give up! But where...-

"Hey!" He heard a voice call to him. He looked up to see a tall man, who's face looked red and raw. He was shivering from the cold night's breeze.

"Are you Antonio?" Ludwig asked, running up to him. The man nodded.

"Please hurry!" Antonio yelled, grabbing the german's wrist to lead him to the correct room. They ran up a winding staircase, finally reaching the room of 327 on the second floor. Antonio hastily reached for the doorknob, groaning when he realized it was locked.

Oh god no!" He cried, pulling at the handle furiously. "LOVINO OPEN THIS GOD DAMN DOOR!" He screamed angrily. But as he would have expected, nothing happened. "FELICIANO HANG IN THERE!"

* * *

Lovino groaned loudly in pleasure, burying himself in his brothers arse. He smirked as he heard the muffled bangs and cries from outside. He bent down to nip at his unconscious brother. "You here that?" He whispered. "That's the sound of someone caring about you. But it's too late now. They cant save you. They cant have you. You're all mine." He thrusted in sharply and harshly, wishing Feliciano would just wake up already. He wanted to hear him scream and see his gleaming tears.. "Wont you wake up for me my dear..." He cooed, caressing the boy's stopped, looking at the boy's lifeless face. His lips curled downward into a snarl, and he slapped his brother's face. "Wake up, you dumb ass." He growled angrily. _Why wont he wake up?! _He thought in frustration. He snarled again, and slapped him again, but this time much harder. "I SAID WAKE UP." He screamed, grabbing his shoulders and slamming his body repeatedly against the bed. "What's wrong with you?!" He suddenly noticed how cold his skin had gotten and his eyes widened. He shook his head, finally being released from the madness that surrounded him. He looked over his brother's body in worry.

"N-... No.. Feliciano!" He cried out. No.. this couldn't be happening. He didn't hurt him that badly... Did he? He only wanted to teach him a lesson! He didn't mean to do this! It wasn't his fault! Tears began to break through his eyes. What was going on? He hadn't cried in years. He hadn't cried since his parents died... He examined the boys body, grabbing his shoulders tightly. _What have I done?! Oh my god, what have I done? _

He didn't even know what he was doing earlier. He was aware that he was hurting his brother, yes. But... It was as if he couldn't control his actions. It was as if he had gone insane for a while, doing horrible things while tangled in the madness. He never wanted to hurt his brother.. He didn't think he _was _hurting him! After all, he had gone through the exact same thing when he was a child, and he turned out fine. The memory flashed painfully through his mind, burning away every thought but the one.

_"Come, Lovi."_

_"Y-yes master?" He pulled the small boy onto his lap, smirking as he stared into the child's bright brown eyes. _

_"Do you love me, Lovi?" He asked in a gentle tone, kissing the boys temple. He shuddered, and swallowed all of the harsh words that bubbled in his throat. He didn't want to upset his master. He knew that if he did, he would pay for it._

_"Yes, master." Lovino said in a quiet voice. The man smirked, reaching into the child's loose pants. Lovino whined as his master grabbed his cock. "M-master?" He moaned lightly as the man began to softly stroke Lovino in his hands. His back arched at the mans touch, wanting more. _

_"Lovi likes this, doesn't he." The man chuckled, unbuttoning his pants. Lovino was to engulfed in pleasure to notice as the man pulled his hardened member from its restraints. He yanked to boys pants down as well. This is when he noticed. _

_"M-master wh-what are you doing?" He asked. The man led Lovino's small hands to his leaking member and helped him stroke gently. _

_"I want you to do this for a little while." He moaned, leaning his head back. Lovino continued his masters actions after he pulled his own hand back. Lovino frowned. He wanted to feel good too.. But he did as his master instructed, moving his hands at a quick pace. "Mmm... Lovi's very good at this. I will reward you for being such a good boy." The man groaned, moving his hands around to the child's backside. Lovino yelped loudly as he felt something touch the outside of his hole. What was his master going to do? Without warning, he gently pushed his finger through the tight ring of muscle. Lovino squeaked, not liking the feeling. He gently worked the finger in and out of the boy, making him moan loudly when that finger brushed against something wonderful. His entire body shot upward, his hands beginning to move faster. _

_"M-m-master~." Lovino moaned, pressing his bottom back against the fingers to make them go deeper. He felt something building up deep in his stomach, but he wasn't sure what it was. But it felt so good... The man then pressed in another finger, and Lovino hissed in pain. It hurt it a little more than the first one had. _

_After a few more moments of moving his hands, the man released himself, his seed covering the boys face. Lovino cringed. What was that stuff? _

_He whined as the man pulled his fingers out. He picked the boy up and gently laid him on the bed beside the chair they were sitting on. "What are you doing, Master?" Lovino asked in a panicked voice as the man crawled ontop of him. The man hushed the child. _

_"You'll like this, Lovi." He grinned devilishly. Lovino looked into his eyes, the madness in his eyues seeming to spread into his own. The man positioned himself at Lovino's entrance, making the boy panic. Without warning, he thrusted himself into the boy fully. This elicited a scream from the boys throat. He felt as if his insides were tearing apart. He flailed his arms, smacking them against the robust man's chest a few times. This angered his master greatly. _

_"Why do you hit me?" He growled, pinning the boys hands down to the bed and thrusting in harshly a few times for punishment. This only drew more screams._

_"I-I'm sorry! Master it hurts! It hurts master! Take it out!" Lovino cried, tears over flowing his eyes. The man growled deeper, lowering his lips to the boys neck. _

_"You do not tell me what to do, Lovino." He smirked evilly, opening his lips to show his sharp, glimmering teeth. He reached over for something that Lovino couldn't see. The man then proceeded to bite down harshly on Lovino's neck. Lovino sobbed. It all hurt so much! His bottom... His neck. The pain seemed unbearable. _

_"IT HURTS!" He screamed, pushing with weak arms against the man. He only frowned, using a flicking motion with his wrist. Lovino began wondering greatly what he was doing, and tried to peer over his broad shoulders. The man only smirked once more, that evil light flicking in his eyes once more. _

_"You want to know what this is? Oh, I'll show you what it is. It's because you hit me that I am going to do this." Lovino's eyes widened as he saw a knife coming into his vision. _

_"N-no! Master please! I didn't mean to!" Lovino pleaded desperately, brown eyes widened like saucers. Without a word, the man plunged the knife into and all of the way through the boys hand, pinning the flesh to the bed. All Lovino could do was scream._

* * *

Ludwig groaned in frustration, slamming his body against the door once more. For a shitty apartment like this the doors sure were sturdy. He and Antonio had both been trying to get in for at least 5 minutes, so far all in vain. Ludwig finally groaned, and took a few steps back. With all his might, he gave a heavy kick. With the power of the blow, the door finally gave in and fell inward to the apartment. Ludwig rushed in, screaming Feliciano's name. He watched Antonio run as fast as he could into one of the rooms, and Ludwig decided to follow. Finally stepping into the room, he nearly gagged at the odor of it. _Smells like... Blood? _He covered his nose.

"Lovino." He heard a snarl from Antonio. He looked over to find Lovino curled in a corner, Antonio looming above him. He heard nothing but whimpers coming from the Italian man. The spaniard bent down to grab him by the shirt. "WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?!" He shouted in his face. Lovino only continued to murmur to himself. Taking a closer look at his face, both men realized that he was... Crying? Lovino was crying? But why, he was the one who did this! Antonio's face slightly softened. "L-Lovino?" He asked, letting go of his shirt. "Why are you-..." Antonio knelt down in front of him. He had never seen him in this state before... Lovino was always so serious and tough. In their many years of being together, he had _never _seen him cry. The spaniard rested his hand on his cheek, and the italian's eye's flicked up to meet with his.

"I-... I-I didn't m-m-mean to!" He stuttered out. Antonio frowned. What was he thinking? Of course he meant to hurt Feliciano. That was his plan.

"Lovino, you know you did this on purpose-"

"No!" Lovino tightly gripped on the spanish man's shirt. "I didn't mean to _**kill **_him!" He spat through clenched teeth. Antonio's eyes widened. Ludwig was to busy watching the scene to realize anything else before this point. But the second he heard those words...

"FELICIANO!" They both screamed in worry. Ludwig quickly turned his head to find the boy's still body handcuffed in what looked like an uncomfortable position on the bed. The german quickly ran for him, grabbing the key from the nightstand. He unlocked all of the cuffs with shaky hands, pulling the naked boy to his body.

"Feliciano..." Ludwig said, wiping his hair from his face, gently brushing the hair from his face. Not a single response came from the boy, not even a breath. He cuddled the italian to his chest, tears threatening to come back. "No.." He growled. "NO!" He shook his body violently, his head lolling limply on his neck. "YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LEAVE ME!" He wasn't going to let this happen. He just couldn't. "I wont allow you to do this, you hear me? You're not going to do this to me! Do you have any idea how much you will hurt me if you do this? How dare you try to walk into someone' life, make them fall completely in love with you, and then just expect to walk out!" He began to sob. He didn't care that he sounded like a baby. He didn't care that he had just admitted his love by accident. He didn't care that there were to men watching them carefully. He only cared about holding the lifeless boy in his arms, maybe letting him hear his words. Maybe by hearing him, maybe he would gave more of a will to live. Just maybe..

Antonio quickly took out his phone and dialed 911. He gave the person on the other end the information of where they lived, and she finally said that an ambulance was on the way. With a sigh of relief the german man stood up, carrying the scrawny boy with him. He walked out of the apartment, Antonio and Lovino following behind him. Luckily, the ER wasn't that far away, so the ambulance came to pick him up quickly. Antonio said they he and Lovino would stay there, and for Ludwig to ride the ambulance with him. Ludwig didn't object, and watched with sad eyes as they laid the boy on the stretcher. After they loaded him into the large vehicle, Ludwig hopped in before they drove away. He watched as the nurse immediately went to work on the italian. He watched intently as the tall man stuck the IV in his wrist, then attach the oxygen mask on his face. He then began to staunch profuse bleeding from the several wounds on his chest.

"Is he going to be ok?" Ludwig blurted out. The nurse sighed, and shook his head.

"I'm honestly not sure. I promise, we will do everything we can, but I wouldn't expect much. It's looking really bad. But let's hope for the best, da?" He nurse said, trying to sound optimistic. Ludwig looked over the man's scrub, finally finding his name tag. _Ivan Braginski _It read.

"Thanks, Nurse Braginski." Ludwig tried as hard as he could to smile. But no matter how hard he tried, his lips wouldn't move. He just couldn't be happy, knowing that Feliciano was in this state.

* * *

Both men sat in silence. Antonio was glaring and Lovino, and Lovino was having a staring contest at his finally clothed lap. Antonio took in a deep breath.

"You do realize what I have to do, right?" Antonio asked quietly. The italian's head jerked up, his eyes meeting with the Spaniard's.

"A-Antonio! You wouldn't do such a thing to me~?" He pouted, feigning the most innocent look he was able. The spanish man wasn't fooled.

"But you think it's okay to do something so horrible to your little brother?!" Antonio barked. Lovino opened his mouth, wanting to continue to manipulate his lover, but he just couldn't go through with it. Antonio was right... What he did was horrible and he knew it. But he really in all honesty didn't know why he did it! He was willing to swear on his life that it wasn't himself. What was wrong with him? He knew that there was something wrong with his mind. There always had been. He knew that some days, that dark part in the back of his mind would take over. It wasn't his fault! The spaniard sighed after waiting for a non-existing answer.

"Look, I don't want to do it. I don't want to send you to the cops, God knows what they would do. I love you, querido. And I want you to know what you've done is wrong." Antonio stood and walked to his boyfriend, sitting on his lap softly. Lovino looked up at his face with sad, teary eyes and Antonio swore he could literally feel his heart shatter. He couldn't stand seeing Lovino like this. It hurt his heart so much seeing him so sad. But he had to do what's right! He had to turn him in! He had to pay for what he did to Feliciano... But he didn't want to send Lovino to the slammer hating him!

He ran his hands along the italian's, gently rubbing the scar in his left one. He threaded his fingers through the others, and softly stole his lips. Lovino's heart had skipped a beat. It felt so good to have someone love him. Growing up as a child, hardly a single soul enjoyed his company. The only people he felt really noticed him was Feliciano. Feliciano was always there to make him feel better, he always shared his toys with him, he always gave a little bit of everything he had to him, he was just a perfect little brother growing up. His brother had always loved him, no mater how mean he was, or what kind of sick things the younger boy knew he did. He always loved him...

And yet for some reason, the fact that he always cared made him _sick_. Lovino never knew why Feliciano cared for him. He always got all of the attention from their parents, he was always the favorite of them. But yet, he would give up that attention, and share some of it with him.

_Fratello needs love too, ne? _His voice from when they were kids echoed in his mind. _Why? _Why did Feliciano care so much for him? Why did he even bother with a filthy scum like him?

And then Antonio came along. Antonio had told him that he loved him too. But that was because Antonio knew nothing of his past. All he knew was now. Was that why he accepted the spaniards love? If Antonio didn't know about all of the awful things he had done in his past, he wouldn't know how filthy he really was. But because of his frank mind, he knew nothing about the things he had done and so of course they wouldn't bother him. Pain suddenly rang through his head as a voice echoed repeatedly in his mind. He knew that voice. He remembered it all too well.

_You're nothing. _

What if Antonio learned about his past? What would he say?

_You're a piece of filth. _

Would Antonio even love him any more? Would he shun him like everyone else in his god forsaken life?

_You don't deserve to live. _

Yes... Antonio would hate him. A monster like him didn't deserve the love that Antonio gave him limitlessly.

_You'll never deserve to love. _

Antonio mashed his lips against the italian's, slipping his tongue between the others warm lips. Lovino moaned, pressing his tongue against the spanish man's. He would play Antonio's little game. And when he was done, he would find out the truth. The truth of Antonio's love. Was it really everlasting love? Or was it just his naive mind?

Antonio adjusted his position so that his knees were on either side of the other's hips, straddling Lovino in place. He ran his hands along the others chest, making Lovino shiver under his touch. Lovino groaned as Antonio began to grind his growing erection against his hips. The spaniard smirked.

"This is for just up and leaving earlier." He whispered against the others lips, snaking a hand up his bare chest. Lovino gasped as Antonio gave his nipple a quick pinch.

"A-ahh.. Antonio~." He moaned, pressing his hips up against his lovers. _Damn these jeans _he thought to himself, cursing the clothing blocking him from his lover. The spaniard smirked, dragging his hand down to play with the hem of the boys pants. "Stop teasing me, just do it already!" Lovino begged, and Antonio did as his lover desired. He delved his hand into the italian's loose pants and gripped the base of his member tightly. Lovino moaned loudly, thrusting into his lovers hand.

"Someone really wants it..." Antonio chuckled, and began to move his hand at a teasingly slow pace. Lovino tried thrusting again, but Antonio sat firmly on his hips, keeping him from doing as he wanted.

"Antonioooo~." He whined, tossing his head back. The spanish man smirked, squeezing tighter but still keeping a slow pace. He loved listening to he italian moan and pants, it only turned him on more. Antonio mentally sighed. This was the least he could do before turning him in. He could make him feel as good as he could before he was sent to jail. Or the asylum...

The spaniard slowly increased his pace, Lovino's pants getting faster as well. "Antonio- Il mio amore~." The italian cooed between heavy breaths. "Per favore~" He moaned loudly, feeling his release bubbling up in his gut. Antonio loved it when Lovino was in such a trance that he spoke italian. He loved to hear his smooth voice in that beautiful language.

"Speak to me more in Italian, and I might let you cum." The spaniard teased, pressing his thumb onto the tip.

"T-Ti amo~ Per favore, voglio-" He paused, his brain turning into mush. He was beginning to see stars. Just another second...

But Antonio pulled his hand out, slicking his tongue out as the italian whined.

"B-but you said-"

"Ah, I didn't say now. Trust me, you'll like this better." He whispered seductively as he began to peel off his bottoms. Lovino grinned, watching as he threw them along with his boxers to the side.

"oh mio..." He whispered, groping his lovers firm bottom. "You're so... Beautiful." He said, nipping at the spaniards ear. Antonio chuckled, a light blush spreading across his face.

"I would hope so. I have to be able to impress someone as gorgeous as you.." He mumbled, positioning himself above the italian's engorged cock.

"Just hurry up~." Lovino groaned. Antonio slowly lowered himself onto his member, moaning loudly at the feeling of being completely full.

"Lovino~." He groaned, bobbing his body up and down, Lovino helping by moving his hips. He moaned loudly, throwing his head back as the other's cock brushed against his prostate. He moaned his name repeatedly, pleasure coarsing through his veins.

"Il mio amore~. I-I'm so close!" Lovino panted out, thrusting his hips up to meet Antonio's as he came down.

"Mi amor, I am too!" Antonio cried. He bent down to kiss his lover, forcing his tongue into the others mouth. "Let's do it together." Lovino felt as Antonio's arse tightened around him. In just moments, Lovino felt himself release deeo inside of his lover. Antonio cried out, feeling his insides suddenly filled with the other's cum. The feeling of cum releasing inside of him, it made him feel the beginning of his release as well.

"Oh _SHIT_!" He exclaimed, releasing all over both of their stomachs. He colapsed ontop of the italian, completely worn out. Lovino smirked darkly, wrapping his hands around the spaniard's broad shoulders. He massaged the tired man's shoulder muscles lightly, slowly making their way to his stiff neck. He grinned, slowly wrapping his hands around the spaniards neck, pressing in a bit harder. His fingers slowly curled around his throat.

"Antonio..." He panted. "I have to tell you something."

* * *

"Um, sir?" The doctor called as he opened the door of the room holding Feliciano. Ludwig jumped up from the bench he was sitting on.

"How is he?" He asked, not bothering to hide his over-anxiety. The doctor smiled.

"He is doing better. Not by much... But we managed to give the blood transfusion just in time. His heart is beating again and his pulse has returned. It's very faint but it's still there. Sadly he is still unconcious. Good heavens, what has this boy been through? It looked like he was mauled by a mountain lion and a bear at the same time! If you had just brought him in no more than a minute later we might not have been able to do anything." The doctor explained. Ludwig let out a long sigh of relief. Feliciano was going to be ok. The color finally returned to the German's face. He felt so much better. He was going to be ok. Ludwig couldn't express the relief he felt. He was able to stop him! He was able to stop Lovino from hurting the boy any more.

_Lovino_... He really hoped Antonio was doing okay with him. He wondered if he had told the cops yet. He certainly did hope so... That bastard deserves to live the rest of his hellish life in a prison, alone. He needed medical attention, yes. But sending him to an asylum... No. That would be too kind. To sit in a room alone, with his dark thoughts tormenting him forever. _That _would justify what he had done. They might even decide to kill him. But that as well would be too simple. It wouldn't be punishment enough for what he had done to his Feliciano. That monster... He didn't deserve a brother like Feliciano. Feliciano was too sweet, to wonderful, to have any bit of innocence stripped away from him like that. And for what? For the bastard to get a kick? Did he find it _fun _to abuse the boy in such a way? He really did need help. It was then that Ludwig swore to himself that he would never again let anyone hurt the boy. The boy who he loved.

Yes, he had finally accepted it. He was in love with the scrawny italian. He accepted that the boy probably wouldn't accept his feelings. He completely understood it. He wasn't expecting the boy to have the same feelings back. He didn't care if people thought it was 'wrong' for him to love Feliciano. He didn't give a damn if people ridiculed him for it. He was in love, and he didn't want to deny it anymore.

"Can I see him?" Ludwig asked, finally in a calm tone. The doctor smiled once more and nodded, holding his arm out in the doorway as a signal to come on in. He took a deep breath, and walked on inside. What he saw shattered his heart to pieces. There the still boy lay. His chest and face were covered in bandages, there was an IV stuck in his deathly pale arm, and another tube stuck inside his other wrist for the blood. "Wh-what all did you have to do?" He asked, tears almost swelling up. He wanted to cradle him to his chest... He just looked so broken.

"Well, since three of his ribs were severely broken we had to go inside and take out all of the tiny pieces and fix them ourselves. His septum was broken in half, so naturally he had to correct that as well. It took us quite a while to staunce the bleeding, however. The cuts were very deep, some of them over important organs and arteries so we stitched him up as friend's lucky he didn't die from the loss of blood. And the last major thing... There was a welt that went over his left eye... I'm sorry to say this, but your friend here might not be able to ever see out of that eye again. And it _will _leave a nasty scar. It really is a miracle he's alive." Ludwig looked over his body once more, gently tracing above the bandage that covered the boy's eye.

"Feliciano..." He muttered, reaching down to grab the boys hand. But he stopped himself, realizing there was someone else in the room. The doctor chuckled, turning away from the two.

"I'll let you have some privacy." He said, walking out of the room. Ludwig turned his attention back to Feliciano. Finally, with nobody around but him to say anything, the german threaded his fingers through the boys hands. He bent over the bed, his face only inches away from the other's.

"Feliciano.. I need you to know something. I know that you're in there somewhere, I hope that you can hear me. I wanted to confess my feelings. I know that you probably wont feel the same about me... But I still have to let you know." He inched his lips closer to the italians face. "Feliciano... I... I love you." He whispered, pressing his lips against the other boy's forehead.

Ludwig wasn't sure why he felt so sad all of a sudden. It's not like he was expecting a reply, but... Then again he wasn't sure what to expect. Maybe for Feliciano to magically wake up, like they did in movies? But of course, that wasn't going to happen. The boy continued to lie there, absolutely still.

Ludwig nearly screamed and had a heart attack in the next few seconds. What he felt... No there was no way it had really just happened. No... He looked down at his hands. Oh god... Feliciano's fingers slowly began to squeeze his. Ludwig stopped breathing for a few moments. Was this really happening? Or was it just his mind playing tricks on him?

"F-Feliciano?" He sputtered frantically. His ears suddenly picked up on the previous quiet _beep beep _of the heartbeat monitor. He looked at the device, noticing that the lines were spiking higher than they were before. "Feliciano?" What happened next make the german want to scream out in absolute joy.

"T-... Teacher?"

* * *

**HOLY MOTHER OF GOD BECAUSE I AM EVIL I'M GOING TO STOP RIGHT THERE. So, as I went over this chapter a few times, I started to realize 1: that I am really fond of using commas and ...'s. 2: This may or may not be an EXTRIMELY confusing chapter. I will go and explain a few things in the next chapter. But if there's anything you're like... Wait wtf? Then please tell me so I can be sure to clarify in the next chapter. **

**But one of the things i'm sure is obvious that I'm going to elaborate on later. Lovino isn't right in the head. At all. And you'll find out why next time. So until then~ Arrivederci **


	5. Chapter 5

**Alrighty, so this isn't exactly what I promised. This chapter mainly focuses on Lovi/Toni. The reason for this, well... I'm having SUCH a hard time writing the Feli/Ludy scene for some odd reason! To keep me from taking another week or so to update, I decided to do it here. I hope this explains a few things! If it doesn't, say so, and I'll do my best to explain _further_. Please review if you liked or didn't like! What do you think is going to happen? What do you think _will _happen? **

**Love, Alice  
**

* * *

"L-Lovino? What's wrong, what do you want to tell me?" Antonio asked, enjoying the feeling of the italian's long fingers soothe his sore muscles. He cuddled his head into the others neck, the italian shuddering as he felt the spaniards hot breath on his skin. Antonio honestly wished he could just sit here forever, in the arms of his lover, the soothing feeling of his fingers working his shoulders.

"I-... I need to talk to you." Antonio frowned. That was never a good sentence. He lifted his head back up, staring into Lovino's light brown eyes.

"What's wrong?" Lovino looked down, sorrow covering his face. Antonio placed a comforting hand on his boyfriends cheek. "Tell me." He assured.

"How much... Do you love me?" Lovino asked, his voice quivering. The spaniard nearly gasped. Why would he even ask that? Antonio couldn't even _describe _how much he was in love with Lovino. Lovino was the soul reason he got up every morning, he was that glimpse of happiness in his lonely life. Lovino was the only person to _ever_ show affection to the spanish man. He had grown up completely alone, not a single person by his side. His only was to get food was to steal money from others, or manipulate them into giving food to him directly. He had begun to steal so often it became like second nature, a _habit _of his. It was an art to him. An art he had easily mastered. It had been like that since day one for him. And what made it worse? When people found out about his thievery, they locked him up. Some people felt bad. Locking a young child in jail? It was inhumane! But the law was the law, and it had to be enforced no matter what. When he was finally let free, he swore to himself he would never do it again. But of course, he was still alone. We went on every day, hardly living. The darkness in his heart was like a bottomless pit that ate at his soul. He thought he would live on like that forever. Alone, forever.

And then Lovino showed up. Lovino... Who seemed so care free and like such a kind spirit. Every time he would be around him, that bottomless pit in his heart slowly began to fill. He thought maybe, if he stayed with this spark of happiness long enough, maybe the hole would eventually fill completely. He spent as much time as he could with him, feeling better and better every day. Every second he was around the italian, a spark lit in his soul. A spark of happiness he wasn't used to.

Too bad such a seemingly kind soul was so gruesomely evil.

"Enough to find all of the stars in the universe and catch them for you. Even if it burned my hands away to nothing, I would do it for you. I would do anything for you." Antonio whispered, placing a gentle kiss on the others lips. Lovino smirked.

"What if I wanted you to keep me out of jail?"

This snapped Antonio back into reality. That was right... He had gotten to caught up in what he was doing he _completely _lost track of what he was supposed to be doing. He jumped off of Lovino's lap, taking a few steps back with a scowl.

"Y-...you know I can't do that." He said quietly, beginning to re-dress himself. Lovino frowned.

"But you just said you would do _anything_ for me, Antonio." He pointed out. The spaniard rolled his eyes, throwing Lovino's clothes at him.

"Not this. What you did... It was just to horrible. I just.. I just cant let you do this any more!" He growled, fiddling with the button of his pants with trembling hands.

"I know you don't really want to turn me in. Look at you, you're shaking! And besides, look at what we just did!" Lovino exclaimed, wiping his fingers on Antonio's passion that was still on his stomach. He brought it to his lips and licked it off, his signature smirk returning. Antonio's mouth fell open. He had a point, but did he have to do _that_?! It was starting to turn him on again... God damn that italian.

"Don't do that!" He whined loudly, turning to face away from him. Lovino laughed loudly.

"But it's true. Why would you have sex with someone who you want to put in jai-"

"Because I didn't want you to hate me when I did it!" Antonio yelled, interrupting Lovino. The italian paused, his laughter stopping as well.

"Wh-...what?" He asked, a look of confusion twisting his face.

"I didn't want you to hate me when I turned you in... So that's why... that's why i.. You know what!" Antonio exclaimed, a blush spreading over his face. Lovino looked at his spanish lover with a blank expression for a few moments, before bursting into another fit of laughter. The spaniard frowned.

"What's so fucking funny?!" He demanded furiously.

"The-... The way you were so dominant a few minutes ago.. Now you're so embarrassed!" He laughed, slapping his knees. He was glad he had his pants back on..

"I was only dominant so you would like it so shut the hell up." Antonio grumbled, pulling his shirt over his head. Lovino's laughter suddenly halted, startling Antonio. What was going on with him? Why was he so bi-polar toda-

His entire brain shut down when Lovino lunged at him, tackling the spaniard to the ground. Sitting on his hips, Lovino reached for his neck, wrapping his fingers tightly around his throat. Antonio gasped out, desperately searching for air.

"Wha-. What are you-!" He cried out, thrashing from under him.

"I'm not going to let you bring me to jail, Antonio." Lovino growled deeply, his face only inches above the man fighting from under him.

"St-st-st-." Antonio couldn't breath. What the hell was Lovino doing? Was he trying to kill him? Was he _that _desperate to stay out of jail?

"I want you to listen to what I have to say. So you're not going to say a _fucking word _until I'm done, got it?" He spat, slowly releasing his grasp on the spaniards only chance at air. He took in deep breaths, nodding quickly to his question. Antonio coughed loudly, still not able to get as much air as he wanted with Lovino sitting on him the way he was. Lovino grabbed Antonio's wrists and pinned his hands down to the carpet.

"When I was a boy, about 10, I was kidnapped. Someone had grabbed me while I was outside playing, alone of course. He grabbed me from behind and gagged me with a cloth that had some sort of chemical on it. When I woke, I was in some weirdo's bedroom. Of course, being as young as I was I began panicking. But when I saw my captor... For some reason, I wasn't as scared anymore. He was a very tall man, and was built with muscle. I knew that even if I wanted to escape, I wouldn't be able to. I never fought with this man. So I never bothered trying. For some reason, I began to do everything he said. He made me do disgusting things, to him _and _to myself. But, because my brain and body are sick and twisted, I actually _liked _it."

_"Master?" _

_"What is it, Lovi?" _

_"Why.. Why do you keep me here? Why do you do these things to me?" _

_"It's because I love my little Lovi. Don't you love me too, my pet?" _

_"Of course I do! Master always treats me kindly, and makes me feel good!" _

_"Good answer, my pet. I shall reward Lovi for being such a good boy.._

"Maybe I liked it because he was the only person who ever payed attention to me. Who didn't prefer me over my god damned brother. But why? I knew it was wrong and yet, I _loved _it when he would touch me. I ignored the fact that I was taken away from my home, that the place I was in was not where I was meant to be. But I was actually _happy _there! I loved the attention he gave me! For once I actually felt _loved_!"

_"M-master!" _

_"Does it hurt, Lovi?" _

_"Y-yes! It hurts!" _

_"Good. I know you like it when I hurt you. Lovi enjoys it when I do this, yes?" The blade slowly cut into his pale skin._

_"YES." _

"I felt like such a sick person, falling in love with the person who took me away from my family. But after a while, I just didn't _care_." He admitted, tears beginning to roll down his cheeks. He felt like he was breaking, all of the memories flooding back into his mind. His head began to pound, all of the things they had done rushing back into his mind. "But the best part? _Nobody _tried to get me. I stayed with that man for years. And I'll bet you not a single person in my family missed me. I'll bet you they were glad I was gone." More and tears overflowed from his eyes. He just couldn't stop them... All of the emotions he had ever felt came all at once. Anger, Frustration, Loathing, hatred, ... Sadness, Loneliness, regret... He just couldn't take it.

He practically fell on top of Antonio, breaking into a sobbing sniveling mess. He gripped Antonio's shirt so tightly his knuckles turned white as he wailed pathetically into the Spaniards shirt.

Antonio had no clue what to do. This was worse than what he walked into when they finally broke through the door. He had never seen _anyone _in this state. He hadn't seen a _girl _cry this hard. Well, not in person. But he had seen girls cry like this on tv, like on those "reality" shows, where everyone was so over dramatic. That's what Lovino looked like to him.

Not having a clue what else he was supposed to do, he reached up and wrapped his arms around the one sitting on him. Lovino jumped when he felt hands on his back.

"Lovino..." Antonio whispered into his hair, rubbing small circles on his back. Lovino's shiny eyes looked up to meet with the spaniard's green ones. Antonio took this as his cue to continue. "You're not a sick person. You seemed to have what sounds like a serious case of Stockholm syndrome. Sadly, its just something that happens. You couldn't control it." He explained calmly, running a hand through Lovino's tousled brown locks.

"Yes I could!" Lovino snapped back. "I was fully aware that it was wrong! I just... I-, I-.." He sobbed, at a loss for words.

"Shh. Yes, that's what most people with the syndrome say. Don't worry, it's all in the past. It's not going to bother you anymore." He rolled them over, so that Antonio's body was hovering over the sobbing man's. He gently caressed his cheek with the back of his hands before standing up, leaving the sniveling man alone on the floor. He curled into a ball and let out all of his emotions, screams, as well as several strings of profanities. Antonio sighed, and reached for his phone. Dialing the number he had memorized, he held the phone to his ear and went to the other room. He took his time, trying to explain the entire situation as calmly as he could to the officer on the other end.

"Don't worry. We're coming over right away. Do we need to bring anything like a straight jacket? This guy sounds pretty insane."

"... That would probably be a good idea. He isn't exactly in a stable situation right now. He might try to harm you."

"Ha, if he tries it wont do a damn thing for him. Alright, thanks for telling us. We'll be right over." With that he hung up, and Antonio let out another long sigh as he shoved the phone back into his pocket. He walked out back into the living room, frowning as he saw Lovino in the same position he was when he left. He crouched down, bending his knees to he could get closer to the other and began to stroke his hair lovingly again.

"You alright?" He asked. Lovino wiped his eyes once more, and looked at the spaniard with angry eyes.

"What did you just do?" He growled. A shiver ran up Antonio's spine. Shit... Lovino might loose it again if he told him that he'd just finally called the cops.

"Lovino, calm down. It's going to be okay, alri-"

"You called the police, didn't you?" He snarled, sitting up. The look in his eyes... It was the same look as when he had begun to choke him on the ground. _Shit... _

"Lovino, you already knew this was going to happen..." he muttered, taking a few cautious steps back. Lovino slowly stood up on wobbly legs.

"You son of a bitch!" He screamed in anger. "You don't love me after all!"

"Yes I do! And I'm only doing this for your own good!" Antonio countered, grabbing the shorter man's shoulders tightly. "Just calm down! Everything's going to be okay!" He shook him gently, wanting the real Lovino back. The italian began struggling in his grasp, but Antonio threw his arms around him and squeezed tightly. This immobilizing the enraged man, Antonio sighed into the crook of his neck. "I'm sorry, Lovino. I really am. I'm sorry I had to do this. But you only brought it upon yourself." He exclaimed. Lovino struggled as hard as he could against his grasp, but all of his efforts were in vain.

"Let me go!" He screamed angrily, rocking his entire body back and forth, attempting to loosen his grip. "I swear if you don't let me go right now I'm going to kill you the second you do!" He threatened. Antonio's eyes widened. That's when he lost it. He threw the man to the ground, the italian crying out in pain as his back crashed against the floor with a loud thump. Antonio practically threw himself at Lovino, mimicking the actions he had done earlier. He wrapped his arms around the others neck and squeezed. Not tight enough to suffocate, but tight enough to intimidate and say that he could if he wanted.

"You're going to lay there until they come, got it?" Antonio angrily spat. Goodness, he was turning bipolar as well. But he wasn't going to let him sit there and threaten him so harshly. Lovino gasped out, struggling to find as much air as he wanted. What was going on with Antonio? He was never this serious... He always did everything that he had told him to do. But this time? This time he ignored Lovino's wishes. And this, of course, only angered Lovino more.

"Let. Me. GO!" He commanded, and Antonio flinched. He wanted to... He really did. He wanted to do what Lovino wanted and let him go free. But what he did to Feliciano... It just _wasn't _forgivable! He wasn't going to let him get away with that.

As for his Stockholm syndrome.. He sympathized with the italian. Lovino grew up so lonely.. Just like he did. All he wanted was for someone to love him... Just like he did. He just wanted to feel like he belonged.. Just. Like. Him. They were so alike, as children. He didn't want to make Lovino's life even lonelier. He just couldn't do that...

But he had to. He knew that no matter how much it hurt, he _had _to do the right thing. Even if it meant Lovino... Hating him. Just thinking about the only person to ever love him suddenly hating him made him sick to his stomach.

And then the realization hit him. If he sent Lovino to prison... He would be completely alone again. There would be _nobody _to love him anymore. Just like before Lovino came into his life, he would be completely and utterly _alone_. Would that be worse if he sent him to prison, or to let himself live with the fact that he let an abusive rapist go. What was he going to do?!

"Lovino, I-"

"Are you in here?" A loud, deep voice called through the door, causing Antonio to jump slightly.

"Yes sir!" He called back, finally getting off of the italian. "He's right here." He pointed to the italian that was currently trying his best to stand up on his trembling legs.

"YOU BASTARD!" He screamed, throwing punches towards the spaniard. The police quickly jumped at the enraged man before he could harm Antonio further, and pinned his arms behind his back and quickly snapped the handcuffs in place. Lovino continued to scream, several more harsh words and curses flowing from his mouth. They began shoving Lovino towards the door, eventually having to resort to having an officer grab each of his arms and drag him.

"DON'T LET THEM DO THIS TO ME! ANTONIO! MOTHERFUCKER SWEAR THE NEXT TIME I SEE YOU I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" He screamed. Antonio watched with horror as they dragged him out. He fell to his knees, the floor giving a loud thump in protest.

What had he done. He was alone again. And Lovino would never forgive him. He hated him now. Even after all he had done.

He was alone...

Yet again, truly alone.

* * *

**God, Toni, I hate doing this to you! I love you so much!****  
**

**Anywho, I hope you liked this chapter! I'll do my best to get the next chap uploaded soon! Please review!  
**

**See you next time~.  
**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey everyone! It's been a couple days hasn't it? Yeah sorry about that. I honestly don't know why this damn chapter was so hard to write! And it is kind of short... So sorry bout that as well. Anyways, here's a just Luddy/Feli chapter! I hope you like it and I'll try to update much sooner XD**

**~Alice  
**

The entire world seemed to come at a stop. Ludwig felt his heart trying to break out of it's ribcage. He just couldn't wrap his head around what was going on... There sat the boy he cared so much about, seemingly dead only moment's ago, now awake once more, his showing brown eye seemed to sparkle.

"F-..." He couldn't speak. It truly had to be a miracle. A miracle that he never though would happen to anyone. The doctor had said he might not awaken for weeks, if ever. Yet there he was, staring right back at him.

"Wh-where am I?" Feliciano asked in confusion, squinting his eye against the bright florescent lights invading his already blurry vision. He tried to take a deep breath, but a sharp pain shot through his chest, causing him to wrap a gentle arm around his torso.

"You're at the-... The hospital." Ludwig finally managed. Feliciano frowned, looking around.

"What's going on?"

"Antonio called me and said something was wrong, and that you were in danger. I rushed there as fast as I could. But when I got there... You were already unconscious. So we brought you to the hospital. Antonio is taking care of the situation with you're brother." He said, doing his best to keep calm as he gently rested his other hand on the boy's cheek, caressing the discolored skin. Feliciano took a minute, letting the information he had just heard sink in. When he finally understood, he closed his eye for a moment. But the next second, he flew up in a sitting position, his eyes widened in a frantic way.

"FRATELLO!" He screamed in what sounded like panic. But the pain in his ribs suddenly got him once more, extreme pain shooting through him. He cried out, clutching his abdomen. The German gently pushed the boy back onto the bed by his shoulders. Oh god, everything that had happen came back to him in a rush. His brother coming home in an absolute rage. Hurting Antonio. Hurting him... Tying him up... Cutting him... Whipping... Taking off his clothes... It all came back in a flash of overwhelming emotions. He was sure his brother had only raped him again, causing a few salty tears to swell in the eye that he noticed was the only one he could see from.

"Shh, it's okay now. He's not going to hurt you anymore, I promise." Ludwig hushed, wiping the single tear that rolled down his cheek with his thumb. He felt the boy's bony fingers curl around his own a bit tighter.

"What are they going to do to him?" The italian asked in concern. Ludwig raised an eyebrow. Why did he care what they would do to the monster who nearly killed him? What would it matter? What difference would it make? As long as he was locked up somewhere uncomfortable for a _very _long time, and Feliciano was out of his reach, what did he care?

"I would assume right off the bat into prison." Feliciano's eyes widened.

"No! They can't put him in there!" He cried out in grief. Ludwig's frown deepened.

"Why would you _not _want him there? He hurt you so badly! Did he give you brain damage too?" He asked, looking over Feliciano's forehead with worry. Feliciano frowned, looking up with wide eyes at the man examining his head.

"No. Well, at least I don't _think_. I-.. I don't w-want him to go to jail because he-.. He's my brother! And I love him!" Feliciano exclaimed, more tears gathering in his eye. "He'll be so alone there... I'll be so alone..." He muttered, slowly reaching his hand that was gripped so tightly around Ludwig's away. Ludwig sighed. Why did the boy have to be so loving? Didn't he understand the gravity of the situation? Didn't he realize how wrong it was?

"I know, but he needs to be punished. Do you actually _realize _what he's done to you. Feliciano? Do you even know how badly he's hurt you?" Ludwig said, his voice slightly raising in volume without him even realizing it. The italian shrank back slightly.

"I-..."

"Do you?" The look on the german's face appeared cold, and this only made Feliciano feel worse.

"I-... I do, but-"

"But nothing, Feliciano!" Ludwig nearly snapped, causing the boy to flinch. "Lovino's going to jail, Feliciano. It's the right thing. It's what he deserves after doing what he did to you!" This made the italian's brown eye widened, part of the conversation finally clicking in his mind.

"You-... You know what he did?" He asked in fear. Ludwig's frowned somehow seemed to drop even lower.

"Of course... Well, at least from what the doctor said to me." _Oh god... He probably thinks I'm disgusting now! _Feliciano thought in horror. What would he possibly do if Ludwig stopped caring about him?-...

Wait... He was never certain that the school teacher _did _care for him. But he was always so _nice _to the boy, always telling him he was there for him, always willing to listen, always willing to put up with his annoying stutters. He was just so... So... God, what was the word? Commending, considerate, kind, gentle... He didn't know. But that didn't say anything about if the teacher liked him or not. And if he didn't like him to begin with... What would he think about him if he knew all of the boy's precious innocence was gone?

The thoughts in his head only made his stomach churn.

"Don't worry,-" The german said, his tone turning _much _softer. "The doctor said you should get better after a little while. So as long as you rest and get plenty of food, then you should be alright." Feliciano's face brightened a bit.

"Wait-, so you don't hate me or anything?" Ludwig wanted to laugh at the question.

"Why would I be mad at _you_? None of this is your fault, Feliciano. Why would you even ask such a thing?" Feliciano almost smiled. He would have if he was able to, but his face was just in too much pain.

"I didn't want you to think I was gross or anything." One of Ludwig's eyebrows raised slightly.

"Gross? What's so gross about being hit?" He asked in confusion. Feliciano paused.

"It wasn't being hit it was when he... you know.." He trailed off, leaving Ludwig only in more confusion.

"H-huh? I don't know, Feliciano. Did he do something other than hit you?" He asked, gently grabbing the boys shoulders in concern. Feliciano's eyes widened a bit. _Oh no... What am I going to say? _After staying silent for moments more, something resembling a growl erupted from Ludwig's throat.

"I don't want to play this game, Feliciano! If you're not telling me something, I need to know what it is!" He barked. Feliciano only froze once more. Glaring into the boy's brown eyes, the german man's blue orbs narrowed. But he paused when he saw fear in the boys eyes. Fear... He caused the boy more fear than he already was in. He hadn't meant to... He just-...

"I'm sorry, Feliciano." He said, beginning to caress the boy's cheek yet again. "I just... Care about you. I care about your health. And because I care about you and your health, I need to know everything that's wrong. Please, tell me." He said. Feliciano blinked a few times, seemingly dumbfounded. _So... He does care. He does care about me. _Oh god... He really didn't want to tell him.

"You won't think I'm gross?" Ludwig shook his head. Feliciano looked around the room for a few seconds, his eye landing on a rolling stool. He lifted a weak hand and pointed to it. "You're probably going to want to sit down. This is kind of a long story." He said in a raspy tone. Ludwig did a she was told and reached over to the small black seat, rolling it towards him and then sitting himself down.

"Now explain." He said quietly, gently taking both of the boy's hands in his own, weaving their fingers together. Feliciano took a deep breath, trying his best to not let his emotions get the best of him.

Feliciano began to explain his daily life to the German, pausing every now and then to gauge his reactions. He admitted to not having parents. He admitted to his brother selling his body to random men, to his brother often using him for his own pleasure, for him going on day to day being abused constantly withought having a single reason for it. He watched as the german man listened, noticing his grip in his hands tightened quite a bit. By the time he was done, the taller man's blue eyes were as wide as saucers.

"Feliciano..." Was all he could mutter. Ludwig honestly just _couldn't _believe anything like that would happen to him. He didn't _want _to believe anything like that would happen to this boy. He thought the abuse was bad enough, but when you top it off with your own kin _raping _you? He didn't understand how the boy was even able to function. He wondered how the boy was even still _sane_ after going through what he did. The boy merely shrugged.

"But this last time.. I don't know, he just seemed angrier than he ever had been before. Like he snapped or something." He explained.

"He probably did." He grumbled. "That man is crazy. I really think they should lock him in some sort of asylum."

"But-" Ludwig pressed a finger to the boy's bruised lips.

"No, Feliciano. I don't think you understand. There are literally no words I have right now that can explain how horrible of a person he is. To use and abuse you like that.. He's just insane. I know you don't want him to be 'lonely' or anything, but he's a danger to not only your safety but everyone around him. He _needs _to go to an asylum. And hey, with the right doctor and several years of therapy, maybe he'll someday get out and be with you again. That is, after he does his time in jail as well." Ludwig tried explaining, doing his best to use a gentle tone despite how outraged he really was. Tears were flowing in a heavy stream from Feliciano's eye. The german sighed, wiping the wetness from his cheek.

"Please don't be upset, Feliciano. You need to understand, it's for the best." He explained. Feliciano sniffed, wiping his eye on his shoulder.

"I'm trying not to be! I just... I can't imagine being away from my brother for such a long time! He _is still _my brother! I don't want to be alone!" He sobbed out. Ludwig sighed deeply.

"I wont let you be alone." He said suddenly. The italian looked back up at him in confusion.

"Wha-.. What do you mean? Of course I'm going to be alone! I'd have nobody else to be with. Except maybe Antonio, but I doubt he'd actually want to _live _with me!" He exclaimed. Ludwig's lips twitched upward.

"Oh, don't say that. From what I could tell, Antonio really does care about you. And besides, if he wont let you live with him, you can come live with me." He said, his smile growing a bit at his last few words. Feliciano's brown eye widened in surprise.

"Wh-...You really mean it, teacher?" He asked, sounding completely shocked. The blonde nodded.

"Of course." Feliciano was finally the one at a loss for words. He couldn't believe that his teacher was really willing to do such a generous thing for him. More tears erupted from the italians brown eye, causing the german's smile to drop quickly.

"Whats wrong now?" He asked frantically. Feliciano wiped his eye and nose once more and laughed a little.

"You're just so wonderful, teacher." He exclaimed, earning back the german's warm smile.

"Feliciano, were not in school. You can call me Ludwig, you know." He said, offering a small chuckle.

"Lud-..wig.." He muttered, testing the way the name felt on his tongue and watching the teacher's reaction. Ludwig simply offered a nod to the boy. Feliciano giggled, saying his name again. He liked being so-.. informal with the german. He assumed he would have to go back to teacher once he was back at school.. But it was still a nice change. Without thinking, Feliciano threw his arms around the man, causing him to jump. He ignored the pain screaming at him from his torso. Ludwig sat there for a moment, a bit shocked at the boys actions. After a few moments he figured it would be rude to do nothing, so he gently returned the hug, squeezing the boys shoulders in a comforting manner. Ludwig finally smiled. He loved the feeling of the boy in his arms.

Sadly the moment didn't last as long as he had wished. The pain in Feliciano's chest was beginning to become too much for the boy and he finally pulled back and rested back in the bed. The older man ruffled the boy's brown hair gently, standing up from the stool.

"I'll be right back. I have to make a phone call." He said, walking towards the door. Feliciano smiled.

"Alright. A-as long as you come back." He muttered. Ludwig nodded, and stepped out of the room. He yanked his phone out of his pocket and quickly went through his recent calls. Once he got to the number he was looking for, he quickly pressed the "call" button. He listened to it ring a few times, tapping his foot impatiently.

"_H-hello?_"

"Hi, Antonio?"

"_Yeah. How's Feliciano?_" The spaniard asked worriedly.

"He's better than I thought he'd be. He's already woken up, and the doctor said as long as he gets a lot of rest and has plenty of time to heal and all that then he should be fine in due time." He heard a sigh of relief from the other end.

"_That's wonderful, Ludwig. I'm so glad he's okay." _

"I am too. Have you taken care of Lovino yet?" He heard a few moments of silence.

"_Y...Yeah the cops came to get him a little while ago._"

"So are they going to put him in an asylum or just into prison?"

"_I don't know, to be honest. They just grabbed him and left." _

"Did he hurt you or anything?"

"_He tried... But I'm okay. Give your concern to Feli._"

"Alright, alright. I just wanted to make sure that you're okay. So, I need to talk to you about something." Ludwig said, finally cutting to the chase.

"_What's up?_"

"So... About Feliciano. Obviously he's not going to stay in the place he was all alone everyday."

"_Right. Well I was thinking he'd live with me. Yeah, my place is just as shitty as his last one, but at least I'll be there to take care of him right?" _Ludwig grunted in approval.

"Right.. Well hey, if you don't think you can handle it I can always take him in."

"_... Really? You would do that for him? You barely know him though." _

"He's a good kid. There's no reason I _shouldn't _help him. He needs it, and I care about him. I want to make sure he's okay." He heard the spanish man on the other end chuckle lightly.

"_I'm sure he'd really appreciate it. He kinda likes you, ya know? I'm sure he'd be happy if you did such a wonderful thing for him." _Ludwig paused after hearing his words.

"Wait... what?" He asked in confusion, earning another chuckle from Antonio.

"_Nothing, nothing. Look, let him choose who he wants to be with. Who ever he chooses he'll live with. And if it's a problem, then we'll talk more about it later, alright?_"

"Sounds good. I'll call you back later when I get more information."

"_Cool. Hey, I'll probably come up there and visit soon. I'll talk to you later."_

"Bye."

"_Bye_."

He flipped the phone closed and shoved it back into his pocket. Sighing, he ran his hand through his slick back hair. Opening the door to the room, he smirked as his fell upon a sleeping Feliciano. This didn't bother him, they boy did need to rest after all. He took his spot on the stool once more and gently grabbed one of his hands once more. He smiled as he watched the boy sleep soundly. He leaned in to the boys face, pressing a gentle kiss to the boys forehead.

"I came back. Just like I promise." He whispered.

**So yes, kinda fluffy.. But hey, this story needs some fluff. Anyways, please review! They really help me update faster and want to write more, so please tell me what you think! :D **

**See you next time!  
**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello yet again, everyone! okay, I know this story's kind of slow going, but I really want to thank everyone who's following/has reviewed/Favorited this story. It really mean's a lot to me guys and thanks so much!**

**So now that I got the cheese out of the way, here's chapter 7! Good lord, this is already longer than I had planned. So... I know that this is spossed to be a GerIta fic, but this chapter yet again focuses a bit more on Romano and his issue. Yet again, you get to know what's going on in his mind and get to know what he's thinking. I'm planning on taking a break from Romano's POV and focusing on Luddy/Feli for a couple chaps to make up for it though. But you need to understand Romano's thoughts and things.  
**

**Anywho, I hope you like it. By the way, this chapter includes rape. So if you don't like... Why are you reading so far into this story anyway?! But just thought I'd warn ya!  
**

**Love, Alice.  
**

* * *

"Get in there, ya son of a bitch." The guard growled, shoving the man hastily into the bare cell. The man fell to the ground, using his head and knees to push himself back up in a sitting position. His hands were bound, tied, and firmly strapped down behind his back and his eyes were blindfolded. He tried listening to everything around him, trying to figure out where he was.

"Oi, how long's he gunna be in here?" The same guard as before called to someone else. Another voice invaded the mans ears.

"Maybe a few days. We gotta admit him to the asylum and get everything set up and all that. How long you think he'd last in here?" He heard footsteps gradually getting closer to him, and was utterly shocked when he felt what he assumed to be a foot slam into his gut. He coughed out, curling into a ball, his head placed near his knees. He then felt large fingers weave through and harshly yank his head upward. He cringed, feeling hot breath on his face.

"You listen to me, you piece of shit." He heard the first man's deep growl. "You're going to stay here and out of trouble, you understand?" The man stayed silent, his lip curled into a scowl. Without responding, he spat in the guards face. The guard roared in anger, slamming his prisoner's face into the cement bottom of the cell. The man cried out in pain as his forehead made contact with the cold floor.

"Hey! Just come on and leave him here he'll be fine." The second man called out. The prisoner's covered eyes widened when he swore he heard a zipper being pulled down followed by a dark chuckle.

"You think they'd be too mad if I had my way with him?" The first guard asked, yanking his prisoner up by the hair once more. He heard a distant sigh.

"Whatever man, just hurry up." The man felt a pair of thin lips pressed to his harshly. Without a second to spare he was pinned to the ground with a strangers tongue shoved deep into his mouth. The guard moaned deeply, ripping off his pants.

"You're gunna get a taste of your own medicine." He panted, ripping down the pants of his prisoner as well. He moaned, bucking his hips against the guard. Said guard laughed.

"You're a needy little bitch aren't you? Acting like this to someone you don't know, let alone someone who's about to rape you." He whispered darkly into his ear, positioning himself at the prisoner's entrance. The man grinned, licking his lips.

"It's because I've dealt with _so _much worse."

"Really? I doubt that." The prisoner grinned darkly. But in truth he was beginning to scare the guard. He didn't like the way he was reacting to this. He had wanted to scare the man, teach him a lesson about what he had been doing. But he seemed to be... Enjoying himself. The prisoner lifted his head off the ground to give the guards ear a lick.

"Why don't you prove me wrong?"

* * *

Ludwig heard a knock at the door, his head turning to see Antonio standing in the doorway with a smile. Antonio looked like a mess. His eyes were red and his clothes looked messy, his hair was tangled in the back.

"How's he doing?" He asked quietly, noticing the boy was asleep.

"Still okay, he's been sleeping for a while now." The german explained. Antonio did his best to keep a straight face as he spotted their hands intertwined. _Feliciano's going to be happy about that at least. It's so cute... _He thought to himself, holding back a smirk.

"Well at least he's resting. That's good. I'm surprised though that he's _able _to sleep." He said, standing next to the boy. Ludwig slowly unraveled their fingers as he saw the spaniard's green eyes on them.

"I am too. But I'm glad he's able too." He muttered, looking at the ground. Antonio smiled as he ruffled the boy's hair. They sat there in silence for a few moments, neither sure what to say. Finally, a question ran through Ludwig's mind.

"Hey, Antonio?" He asked quietly. The spaniard hummed in response, turning to face the blonde man. "Can I ask something?" Antonio nodded, his green eyes locked on the other's sky blue ones. "How did you know what was going on? Er.. What's your relationship with the Vargas's?" He asked, trying to find the right words. Antonio sighed.

"Well, I am-.. well, _was _, Lovino's boyfriend. I met Feliciano a couple weeks after we started dating. That's how I know them. And how I knew what was going on-..." He paused. Should he tell the german the truth? What would the man think of him after knowing he had known the situation the whole time? Surely any sane man would hate him for not doing the right thing, but he did have a reason! A reason that _he _at least thought was legitimate. But he doubted the other man would believe him... "I-... Uhm..." Ludwig raised an eyebrow.

"Yes?"

"I-... I was coming to their house to talk to Lovino." He quickly lied. "And when I opened the door, I didn't see him. So I-... I went into the bedroom and found him doing-, those horrible things to poor Feli." He thanked himself for being a decent liar, but cursed it at the same time. Ludwig could only stare at the spaniard for a few moments.

"So you had no idea that Lovino was doing that the whole time you two were dating?" He asked, only to earn a nod from Antonio. Ludwig frowned. Something in the back of his mind was nagging at him, but he decided to trust the man's words. He nodded back.

They both flinched as they heard Feliciano stir in his sleep. He rolled his head side to side for a few moments, before his revealed eye fluttered open and a smile followed.

"Toni!" He croaked out, trying his best to wear the smile as best as he could. Antonio did his best not to burst into tears as he watched the boy's face twist into what he deemed was an attempt of a smile. He faked a smile himself the best he could.

"Hey, amigo. How're you feeling?" He asked, running his hands through the boys soft brown hair.

"To be honest, I don't know." The italian admitted. "My body just hurts."

"I know, amigo. But it will go away with time I promise." The spaniard re-assured. Feliciano looked past him, overjoyed when he saw the german man still sitting beside the bed. Ludwig smirked.

"I told you I'd stay." He said. Feliciano's smile finally grew wide, ignoring the pain tearing through his face.

"Feli, I-, well _we _I guess, need to ask you something." Antonio's voice rang. Feliciano's brown eye flicked up to meet the spaniards green ones.

"What is it? Is something wrong?" He asked. _Many things are wrong, Amigo. _Antonio thought to himself, but shook his head instead.

"No, it's nothing bad. We just wanted to know where you wanted to live." He said, deciding to cut to the chase. Feliciano's head cocked to the side in confusion.

"H-huh?" Antonio turned around to face Ludwig, his face twisting into a frown.

"You didn't tell him?"

"He was asleep. I didn't want to wake him up." Ludwig admitted. Antonio sighed, turning back to the confused boy on the bed.

"Well, Ludwig called me earlier. We want to know where it is you plan on staying from now on." Feliciano stayed silent, still practically drowning in confusion.

"Wh-what do you mean? Where I'd stay... Wouldn't I stay in mine and Fratello's apartment?" Antonio sighed.

"There are many reason's why you can't, amigo. First and most importantly, with your injuries you _can't _say home by yourself everyday. You need somebody to look after you and make sure you're okay and if you need anything, things like that. So, you could stay with me if you want. Or, Ludwig's even offered to let you stay with him if you wanted." He explained, holding back a grin as he watched those chocolate eyes widen at the last part. He figured that the boy would choose Ludwig, him with his little crush and whatnot. But he sort of wished he would live with him. He'd always liked Feliciano like the little brother he'd never had.

"You-... you guys would really d-do that for m-me?" He stuttered out in shock. Both men nodded.

"And it's completely up to you who you decide to stay with." Ludwig shrugged.

"But-" Antonio said, butting in. "I hope you realize it's not a permanent thing. Just as long as you're in this condition. But I mean hey, you're welcome any time to my place and you know that." He smiled. Feliciano nodded.

"Of course! I just... I don't want to b-be a burden to either of you.." He said fiddling with his thumbs. The spaniard rolled his eyes.

"Amigo, you're not a burden at all. You're hurt, and need to be taken care of. There's absolutely nothing wrong with letting people help you when you need it." He assured. Feliciano smiled once more, tears gathering in his showing eye.

"You guys-..." He choked out, wiping a few salty drops that slipped out. "You guy's are so n-nice to me. I can't-t even tell you h-how thankful I am f-for you guys!" He sobbed, finally letting the tears fall freely. Antonio chuckled, ruffling the boys hair once more.

"Don't cry, Feliciano. So, who do you want to live with?" He asked with a smile. Feliciano thought for a few moments. In all truth of the matter, he would really love to live with Ludwig. But at the same time, he had known Antonio for a few years and was comfortable with him. On top of the fact that he didn't wish to burden Ludwig in any way. He sighed. He didn't know what to do.

* * *

"Oh, _fuck_." The guard yelled, slamming his hips against his prisoner' man under him moaned out against the ground, smirking as his face was pushed deeper into the cold floor. "You aren't supposed to be enjoying this you little shit." The guard spat, slamming as deep as he could into the man's tight ass, only eliciting another groan. He brought his hand down, slapping it hard against the prisoner's backside. He did this several times, moaning as with each hit the walls around his throbbing cock tightened against him.

"Oooh, do that more~." He heard a muffled moan from under him. He growled. What was wrong with this man? Was he some sort of masochist? That had to be it. But he was beginning to not care, he was too engulfed in pleasure that he forgot this was meant to be a punishment. He slapped the man's ass more and more, releasing his grip on his hair. The prisoner threw his head back, a strangled groan tearing from his throat. The guard panted heavily, biting down harshly on the prisoners shoulder. "Yes~! Master please, give me more!" The prisoner cried out. At hearing the man's erotic words and pants, the guard released his essence deep inside of the man, smirking when he realized the other was close as well. He pulled out, leaving the man under him a panting mess. He did his best to turn his body around to face his new "master", but was only greeted with another harsh kick to his stomach.

"Now why don't you stay there and think about what you've done for a few days, before me move you into the asylum with the rest of the wacko's just like you." He heard the other man call as his pants were yanked up hastily. He groaned when he heard his footsteps, knowing his release had been denied for good. He called out, screaming profanities out as he struggled trying to get onto his feet. He staggered, having not the slightest clue as to where the bigger man was which was beginning to frustrate the hell out of him. He only heard a chuckle, but he couldn't tell where from as the sound seemed to echo somehow. "Moron." Was the last voice he heard before what sounded like a large door being shut and a heavy lock being pushed into place. He fell to his knees, wincing as his bones crunched against the hard ground. His lips curled down into a scowl, letting out a frustrated roar.

"FELICIANO!" He screamed at the top of his lungs, the sound echoing all around him causing his ears to ring. He cried out, not realizing that the sound would be so loud. "This-..." He tried again, his voice lowering to a deep growl. "This is all your fault! I hate you! YOU HEAR ME?! I HATE YOU! I HOPE YOU ROT IN HELL FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE AND WHAT COMES AFTER FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME. GOD SHALL NEVER TAKE YOU IN FOR BEING SUCH A HORRIBLE PERSON." He didn't care about the boisterous noise. He was just so _angry_. He only wished his brother could hear him. You understand that words coming from his mouth. He wished he could just see the guilt on his brothers face that he'd have to live with for the rest of his life.

Why did his brother have to be such a moron? _Why? _It _was _the idiots fault after all for showing off his marks. Those marks... They were just to show the boy that he belonged to him and nobody else. But he had to go and show them off! He probably flaunted them to that stupid German teacher of his, just to get some sympathy out of him. Or the dumb ass _wanted _him to go to jail...

Yes... That was his scheme all along wasn't it? He was trying to get rid of the elder of the two... But why? What reason could he possibly have for wanting to get rid of him? He thought he had always treated his brother kindly, making him feel good often, feeding him, keeping a roof over his head, why didn't he appreciate that? It was all he needed! But no, he had to take sides with that disgusting man he referred to as a teacher and get him in this place... Wherever he was.

Then another thought struck him. It wasn't _only _Feliciano's fault, it was _Antonio's as well... _What was wrong with them? Those heartless fools. He swore to himself he would wring both of their necks the next time he saw them. It was what _they _deserved for leaving him in this place... Wherever he was. But wherever it was, it was _miserable_.

He wasn't sure how long it had been since his first incident with the guard or at least when he had been tossed in here. Who knows how long the fun with the man had lasted? He had no sense of time, especially because he couldn't see anything around him to search for sunlight or the welcoming brightness of the moon during night time. It could have been hours, days, ... Weeks? No, he remembered they had mentioned something about a transfer, so he doubted that it had been more than a few days. But at least every now and them someone came in and forced some sort of gross tasting liquid into his mouth. He recalled the first time this happened, cringing as he remembered the taste on his tongue.

_"E-excuse me, sir? I've brought you something to eat- er, drink sort of. Here-" He heard someone shuffle around in front of him and twitched as the sound of metal hit the freezing ground. He felt thin fingers on his chin trying to lift his head up, only eliciting a growl from his throat._

_"Don't touch me!" He barked, feeling the fingers on his skin jerk away. _

_"B-but, I'm supposed to help you get your nourishment." The shaky voice protested. He couldn't tell if the person in front of him was a man or woman. _

_"Who are you..?" He asked deeply, adjusting onto his knees for a more comfortable position. Well, as comfortable as he could be with his arms bound so tightly to his back. _

_"M-my name is T-Torris." The prisoners frown only deepened. That didn't help his curiosity in the slightest. _

_"Torris? What the hell kind of a name is that?" He asked rudely. The person in front of him sighed._

_"Well I was born in Lithuania... So-"_

_"Are you a fucking guy or girl?" He finally spat. Another sigh._

_"I forgot that you cant see a thing through that blindfold-"_

_"No shit." _

_"-... I'm a m-man." He whimpered, reaching out to the prisoner's face without his realization. He flinched when he felt those thin fingers brush his hair, reaching for the back of his head. "Here, I don't think there's any need to keep this on you." He let out another snarl, but paused as he realized the man in front of him was working off the blindfold. He squinted when the thick cloth left his brown eyes to finally reveal the dim lit room he was in. He looked around, his eyes quickly adjusting. He quickly realized he was in what looked like a completely closed off cement made cell. There weren't any windows, any decorations in the room, only a small uncomfortable looking bed shoved into the corner and the thick heavy looking metal door. He looked back to the man in front of him, who he finally realized was a brunette with blue/green colored eyes._

_"Where-... Am I?" He asked. The man in front of him sighed. _

_"I'm not supposed to tell you. But look, you need to eat- er, drink this. You have to stay somewhat healthy before they move you to the asylum." He said shyly, lifting what looked like a pitcher full of some sort beige colored liquid. His nose crinkled up in disgust. _

_"What the hell __**is **__that?" The brunette simply shrugged._

_"Something to keep you alive. Now p-please sir, let me help you drink it." He grumbled lowly as he brought the pitcher to his lips, complying with his words. What other choice did he have? He had to eat/drink something, right. When the liquid hit his tongue, his whole body cringed and he spit the small amount to the side. _

_"What the __**fuck**__? That stuff tastes like __**shit**__!" He whined, wiping his mouth on his shoulder. Torris frowned, squeaking out in protest._

_"B-but this is the only thing I'm allowed to give you!" He said quietly. "P-please, just drink it!"_

_"Like hell I'm drinking that! I'd rather die in here." Torris looked down. _

_"If you don't drink it than I'll have to give it to you by force..." He muttered, pulling what the prisoner instantly recognized as a filled shot. His eyes widened as he pulled the plastic tip off to reveal the long needle._

_"Wh-...What do you think you're doing with that?" He demanded, wiggling backwards, only to fall back on his arms bottom. Torris frowned. _

_"They said if you d-don't cooperate that I should use th-this and force you to drink it." He admitted, flicking the glass around the strange translucent liquid it held. _

_"Alright, Alright! I'll fucking drink your shit! Just-.. Don't come anywhere near me with that!" He ordered. Torris nodded and set the needle down. He scooted over to where the prisoner was, helping him backup into a sitting position. He brought the pitcher back up to the scowling lips on the taller man in front of him, looking into his eyes for approval. He only rolled his brown eyes, opening up his lips to take in a small gulp of the mush. He cringed, shudders wracking his entire body as the foul tasting excuse for nutrition slid down his throat. He hated the fact that it wasn't just a liquid like he had first thought. It was more of a water mush, tasting like someone combined piss and shit and blended them together (in his mind). He gasped out when the drink was finally down his throat and out of his mouth, frowning at how the taste lingered on his tongue. _

_"H-hey, um... What's y-your name? You asked me for mine, so I only think its polite for me to know yous." He watched as the prisoner's body shook as he took another small gulp. He felt so bad, having to make someone drink something he didn't even know what was..._

_"Why the-... Ugh- Hell would you want to know that? And wouldn't they have told you it before you- Mmm!" Torris has forced the the pitcher to his lips once more, wanting for him to just get it over with as fast as possible. _

_"No, they haven't. And because l-like I said... It's just polite." The prisoner rolled his eyes, swallowing another gulp of the horrid liquid. _

_"... Lovino." He muttered, shifting once more trying his hardest to be comfortable. Torris smiled._

_"Lovino! I like that name!" He giggled, forcing another sip into this 'Lovino'. He only grumbled, forcing the horrid mush down his throat. "S-so Lovino.." Torris began, trying to keep conversation with the man. The guards that led him to this cell hard warned him he was a bit violent and verbally abusive. But he saw how tightly he was bound so he really doubted he'd be able to __**physically **__hurt him. Still, he figured it would be a good idea to keep a calm conversation with the man, keep him level headed. Lovino grunted when he heard his name once more. "C-can I ask what you're in h-here for?" Lovino glared into Torris's blue/green eyes, sending shivers down the smaller mans spine. "You- you don't have to answer! I w-was just curious!" Lovino sighed._

_"I..." He paused, thinking deeply. What __**had **__he done to be in here? He was pretty sure it was nothing, and Antonio and Feliciano just wanted to get rid of him. But the sane part of his brain kept telling him that wasn't it. Torris looked at him with bright eyes, still curious. After a few moments of deep thinking, he finally grew frustrated. "It's none of your fucking business! Leave me the hell alone!" He barked, causing Torris to squeak out. He pulled the pitcher away from the man, scrambling to stand back up. He quickly picket up the plate he had dropped earlier and pounded on the metal door, yelling something frantically in some other language Lovino didn't recognize. He glared as he ran out of the cell, glad the nuisance was gone._

His brain switched back into the present when he heard the large door click and slowly creak open. Lovino frowned when he watched an unfamiliar body enter the room. _Who wants to fuck with me now?! _The man that stood now in the room was tall, and built with muscle.

"Hey, moron. Remember me?" Lovino studied his face. No, he certainly hadn't seen this man before. But his voice did sound familiar. It was when he let out a dark chuckle that his memory hit him.

"YOU!" He roared angrily, standing up on wobbly legs and charging the best he could at the taller one. The guard let out a loud laugh, holding his hand out to Lovino's chest to keep him at a distance. He stuck his tongue out at the prisoner, earning another angry growl.

"And what are **you **gunna do about it?" He teased.

"What do you want?!" Lovino screamed angrily.

"I wanted to tell you that we're finally moving you to the asylum. I gotta put this blindfold on ya before I actually let you out. Too bad I can't have my way with you one more time, eh?" He smirked, reaching for another long piece of the think cloth. He spun Lovino around, holding him to his chest as he tied it around his eyes while the man against him struggled. He hoisted the wiggling man up and over his shoulder with ease, causing Lovino to cry out in surprise.

"Put me down bastard!" He screamed, pounding his fists against the large man's back. The guard snorted.

"Calm down, moron." Lovino soon found himself being tossed into what he assumed to be the backseat of a car. At least, that's what it felt like. He continued to yell out, not even sure who he was actually talking to. His body jolted when whatever vehicle his was in jerked forward.

"Let me out! I don't need to go to any god damned asylum! I'm perfectly sane! Let me the fuck out!" He howled, trying to roll around. He heard snickers as he began to whimper from every sharp turn when his body would painfully slam into the side of said vehicle he was in.

"Sure, doing those things you did with out any regret makes you _perfectly_ sane." One of them chuckled out. The sane part of his brain fought desperately to regain control of his words.

"But I _do _feel regret!" He blurted out, hearing the laughs stop.

"Yeah right, not from what we've heard you scream in your cell for the past week." A different voice he didn't recognize answered. It was true... A tiny part of him _did _feel sorry for what he did to Feliciano, he felt bad for what he'd done and wanted to say so to the boy. But that part of him was just to small unfortunately, and the insanity that had been taking over his mind had begun to corrupt those thoughts.

_You're not sorry_. That voice in the back of his head mocked. _You loved what you did to him and you know it. _

"I didn't mean that! You don't understand!" He cried out, tears swelling up in his eyes. He was so confused, all of the thoughts running through his mind, they were driving him mad. They all contradicted each other.

_It's Feliciano's fault._

_**No. It's my fault and I know it**__._

_You know you're mad at him. He's such an idiot, still thinking he loved you after knowing the nasty thing's you've done._

_**That's no reason to be mad-**_

_But guess what? After doing what you've done to him, he sure as hell wouldn't like you any more. That would make him crazier than you._

"NO!" Lovino screamed out vocally, wishing the voice would just go away.

_You've ruined your life. Antonio doesn't love you anymore either for what you've done and said to him too, you know._

"SHUT UP!"

_You're all alone in the world now. Nobody loves you anymore. Just like before, you're completely __**alone**_.

Lovino screeched, finally having enough. He began to slam his head on the hardest thing he could find, which felt like glass. _Even better_... He though. _Maybe I can cut my head open... _Although doing so only began to frighten the guards in the car with him, and they slowed down.

"Oi! Stop that! You're going to fucking hurt yourself, dumb ass!" One of them yelled angrily, grabbing him by the collar. In frustration out of the man interrupting what might be his only chance at an escape from the pain, he bit down harshly onto the hand that hand grabbed him. The guard hollered in pain, yanking his hand back as Lovino only began to continue to go on with banging his head as hard as he could against the glass.

"Pull over! We need to sedate him!" The one who was bitten ordered. The one driving quickly pulled the vehicle to the side and they both jumped out. When Lovino heard the door open, his frustration only grew more as he was interrupted once more.

"LET GO OF ME!" He screamed as one of the men grabbed him to hold him down and the other readied the needle. The one with the needle hastily jammed it into Lovino's neck, only resulting in him crying out at the sudden prick in his skin. The need pressed deep into his flesh as the man pushed in the medicine, helping to hold the struggling man down until the medication kicked in.

Lovino fought the medicine's affect with everything he had, but to his dismay it was in vain. He felt his eyelids begin to droop, and the guards were pleased when his struggling slowly calmed. They both let out a sigh of relief when he stopped moving all together, and hoisted him back properly into the car. This guy really was a hassle...

"Oi... Thank god he finally shut up, eh?"

"Yea, now I can finally actually focus on driving to this god damned asylum. Poor guy... To have to go _there _of all places."

"I have no sympathy for him. After knowing what he did, he deserves to be there for the rest of his life." The driving guard shrugged.

"I guess you're right. But I don't even want to imagine how he'll act when he get's there. What kind of place do you think they'll keep him in?"

"Probably something like the last place he was in, only get gets to see doctors that will try to fix 'im. Even though I both think we know _no _amount of therapy's gunna fix this guy."

**Ahah! So finally, lovi's going where he belongs *evil face* Nah, I really do love Romano, he's one of my favorite characters. But still, the storyline progresses. So Yeah, please review and all that and I'll do my best to make the next chap all/ mostly GerIta like the story is supposed to be! Thank everyone again who has already reviewed and is following!  
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	8. Chapter 8

**HOLY MOTHER OF GOD ****IT'S BEEN TOO LONG SINCE I'VE SEEN YOU GUYS! Ok so don't get mad for me taking so long please. I just havent had TIME lately! Schools started recently and ugh. I know I shouldn't make excuses but hey. Anyways, because this took so long to do I tried to make this as long as possible. Sorry if it's a bit confusing (I tried to write it as fast as possible), but here's the specific GerIta chap I promised! Please enjoy, and remember to review. It makes things go faster. Thanks so much for your support you guys!  
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**Alice.  
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"Alright, _niiice _and easy." The nurse said, lifting Feliciano from his bed as gently as possible. The italian grunted, clinging to the man as a slight pain shot through his chest. He slowly began to ease the boy into the wheelchair that sat waiting for him. He let out a painful groan as he felt some of his bones shift at the sudden upright position. He had been laying down for a few days and wasn't even able to sit upright. He let out a relieved sigh when he was finally seated comfortably in the chair. "Alright, all settled in? Good. Now you're really going to need to take it easy for the next few days. Don't do _anything _that puts strain on your body, see if someone can help you with anything that requires moving around a lot. I understand you're going to be staying with a friend of yours. Mister-.. How do you pronounce it I'm sorry." The nurse explained, giving an apologetic look when asking.

"Beilschmidt." Feliciano muttered. The nurse smiled brightly again, showing off his bright white teeth.

"Good, good! So as I said, make sure he helps you with anything you need. Don't forget to take your medicine, and take some pain pills if the pain ever gets too bad. And if nothing seems to be getting any better, come back to see us, alright? Have a nice day! I'll go get Mr. Beilschmidt." He cheered, waving at the boy before disappearing into the other room. He frowned, reaching trembling thin arms down to the wheels. He could move himself, right? He tried his best to push against the wheels hoping to go further, but cried out as the muscles in his arm gave out before he could even move an inch. He groaned in frustration. Why was he so weak?! Was he really going to have to depend on Ludwig _this much_? He was really beginning to regret choosing to live with him over Antonio. He really didn't want to be _this _much of a burden.

He only did it because they convinced him that living with Ludwig would be all over better. Not only did Ludwig have more space, he actually had a good financial situation unlike Antonio who was stuck in a pit of debt. On top of it all Antonio kept mouthing ridiculous things to him. _You'd like it, Amigo. You know you want to. Your little crush, amigo~. _Things like this made the italian's face blush a bright red and look away from the grinning spaniard. But of course, he had to go with choosing to live with the German. He really was beginning to feel guilty, like he was going to be a tremendous burden upon the blonde man.

"Hey." Ludwig's deep voice startled Feliciano out of his thoughts. Ludwig smirked, walking behind the boy and resting his hands on the handles that came from behind the chair. "Ready?" Feliciano gave a small nod, and squeaked when he suddenly started to move. He looked up and behind him, watching the man's face for any sign of unhappiness, and he was relieved when he saw the man's straight face. He led the boy through the many halls of the hospital, grumbling at how he never could understand why people made hospitals so complicated. When he finally managed to find the exit, he smiled when pushing the boy outside.

"You ready?" He asked, opening the front door then looking to the boy for acknowledgement. Feliciano nodded, and Ludwig turned back to the car and decided it would be more comfortable for the boy if he leaned the seat back a little bit. While he was doing so, Feliciano had a thought. He knew he shouldn't, but he thought he was strong enough to at least _stand _on his own. He tried as hard as he could to find strength in his weak arms, slowly managing to push himself out of the chair and on to the ground on wobbly legs. _I'm doing it.. I'm doing it! _He thought happily, the confidence in his strength growing even more. He finally managed to stand completely on his own, without the help of the chair.

"Alright, let's get you- Feliciano!" Ludwig cried out in worry as the boy's body tumbled over and crashed into his torso. He quickly caught the boy as to keep him from falling, Feliciano clutching around his middle desperately. Feliciano's cheeks flushed brightly when he realized not only was his face pressed against the taller man's muscular chest, he was practically being _held_ by the german. "You have to be more careful, Feliciano. And besides, you could have just waited for me to help you. The doctor said you can really move around, remember?" He scolded, but in a much softer voice than the italian would have expected only causing his face to redden further in embarrassment.

"I-... I'm s-sorry.." He stuttered out. Ludwig only patted his head softly.

"There's no need to be sorry. Just don't push yourself, alright? I don't want you to get hurt again." Feliciano looked up to meet the other's bright blue eyes. He wanted to smile, he had never seen this side of Ludwig before. He seemed so... Caring and loving. He was only used to seeing the concerned, worried, angry or frustrated sides of the german, but now he was beginning to _really_ see the good side of him. Yes, he had always known Ludwig to be caring of him, but he was positive that those instances were only out of pity and worry, but now was different. He was really doing his best to actually and literally _take care_ of him.

He squeaked when he felt his body being lifted off of the ground with ease, Ludwig gently laying him down against the leather of the seat. Feliciano hissed at the pain in his ribs, causing worry to twist Ludwigs face again.

"Oh no, does that hurt?! Do you need me to lower it more? What do you need me to do?!" He asked frantically, his hands held in front of him ready to do whatever the boy needed. Feliciano only shook his head.

"No, its-... It's fine, I'll be fine. It doesn't hurt anymore." He tried his best to smile, but the pain in his face wouldn't allow him. Ludwig let out a sigh of relief, and shut the door only to walk around to the drivers side. Within seconds, they were on the road. Feliciano's head lolled over to the side on his neck, his brown eye fixed on the focused driver.

"L-...Ludwig?" He spoke out. The german hummed in response, not taking his eyes off of the road in front of them. "I-.. I just wanted to s-say... Thank you. So much." He stuttered. Ludwig smiled, finally looking over to him.

"For what, Feliciano?"

"F-for letting me stay with you..." He mumbled, his eye moving away from the older man's stare. Ludwig chuckled, reaching a hand over to gently pat the boy's leg.

"It's not a problem at all. After all, I couldn't just let you stay there by yourself. Yes, Antonio would have taken you in, but I honestly don't think he'd have been much help. But really Feliciano, it's no problem. I'm actually pleased you wanted to stay with me." His smile grew wider with each word. Feliciano was surprisingly shocked.

"R-really?"

"Yes. I'm flattered." Ludwig admitted, looking back to the road, hoping the boy wouldn't notice the blush beginning to creep onto his face. He really was flattered that he did choose him though. Ludwig was almost a stranger to him, only seeing him for less than an hour every day. Feliciano knew nothing about him, and Ludwig knew nothing about Feliciano. Yet, Ludwig had offered to let the student _live _with him, and said student agreed, despite the opportunity to live with someone Ludwig presumed he had known for quite some time. He trusted him enough to let the older man take care of him, and that felt good to Ludwig.

"Here we are." Ludwig said, finally breaking the awkward silence as they pulled into the driveway. Feliciano rolled his head over on his neck to face forward, and sat in awe at how nice looking the small house looked. The majority of his life, the italian had only lived in shitty run down apartments, even when his parents were alive. So naturally, seeing a nicely kept home was a nice change for the boy. Ludwig got out of his side of the car and quickly began to unbuckle and scooped the boy into his arms with the same ease as before, beginning to walk towards the wooden door with glass in the center. Ludwig sighed. "It's not much, but there's a guest bedroom I'll let you stay in, plenty of food or whatever you need. Please, by all means, make yourself at home. Well, I'm going to have to do everything for you for a little while, but I mean after you can walk and move around, please do as you'd like." A small smile finally graced Feliciano's lips as the german tried to be as hospitable as possible. Ludwig began to carry the thin boy through the house, throwing a door to what Feliciano assumed to belong to a bedroom open. He gently laid him on his back onto the soft mattress, Feliciano letting out a sigh of relief as his body relaxed. "Be right back." Ludwig called out before dashing out of the room. He returned moments later with what looked like a suitcase in one hand and a medium sized box in the other. Ludwig tossed the suitcase on to the bed beside the boy and softly laid the box down at his feet.

"Antonio dropped these off to me before we left at the hospital. He said he got most of your stuff, but is this really it?" He frowned as the boy slowly nodded. "I'm sorry to hear that. Is there anywhere specific you'd like to put anything?" Feliciano pondered for a bit. He wasn't expecting to stay with the older man for that much longer, so what's the point of unpacking everything if he'd only pack it back up in no time? So instead he only shrugged.

"I-is it okay if I do it later? I- I mean, I'm not trying to be lazy or anything! I j-just-"

"Shh! It's alright Feliciano. It's your stuff. I mean, as long as it doesn't end up everywhere, it's fine, really." Ludwig explained calmly, sitting down next to him on the mattress, the mattress squeaking out in protest against the extra weight. Feliciano looked up at Ludwig with his good eye, watching his expression. Even though the man had said he wasn't a bother, he just wanted to make sure. But Ludwig showed no sign of anger or any kind of unhappiness from the boys presence. Instead, when the german's blue eyes locked with the boy's brown orb, he smiled and gently ruffled his hair. Feliciano blushed and instantly look away. Ludwig pulled his hand away and grunted, his face twisting into a small frown as he examined the skin of his palm.

"Hey, Feliciano? Did they ever-... Bathe you or anything?" He cringed at how harsh his own words sounded, but luckily they didn't seem to bother him. Feliciano nodded.

"Yeah, b-but only once." He admitted to his embarrassment. Ludwig looked at him, not with disgust, but more of a feeling of pity for _him_, and a disgust of the people in the hospital that didn't even bother with something such as simple hygiene.

"Do you.. Want to take one now? I mean if you want, it's just that I wouldn't think it would be very..-" He paused to think of the right word. "Comfortable, to be wearing the same clothes and not being able to take a bath or anything."

"It isn't... And my hair feels gross. My sweat's making it stick to m-my forehead." _I noticed _Ludwig mused to himself, but reached over to carry the boy once more. Feliciano let out a squeak in protest at the sudden jolt from being still on the bed to being jerked into the air. By instinct, he clung to the bigger man's neck.

"Then let's get you cleaned up, shall we?" He hummed to himself as he opened the door of the bedroom once more and out into the hallway. Feliciano, on the other hand, had frozen up with a deep blush spread across his cheeks. _We? _He was surprised when they had passed the small bathroom in the hallway, expecting for Ludwig to bring him there. But instead, he brought him to the other room in the house, which was the large master bedroom. Feliciano was surprised at how neat it was. Sure, the guest bedroom would be clean because nobody was ever there. But his room somehow seemed cleaner than the other. He snapped out of his thoughts when Ludwig brought him into the large, luxurious looking bathroom that was connected to the bedroom. Feliciano's eye widened. It looked so nice.. And the tub was huge! Well, to him at least. He had only ever used the tiny ones that were in apartments. Feliciano was started out of his thoughts again when Ludwig sat him down on the closed seat of the toilet.

It was then that Ludwig realized what was going, and a blush was beginning to grow on his face as well.

"I-… Um, are you going to be able to do this yourself?" He asked sheepishly, chuckling when he noticed the reddened color on the boy's face deepen.

"Y-yeah! Of course!" He exclaimed, reaching down to pull up his shirt that the hospital had generously supplied. He wanted to scream out in frustration at how weak he was. He was struggling just trying to take off his shirt?! Ludwig sighed, noticing the boys troubles.

"H-here." He muttered, helping to pull the cotton over his head. Feliciano's face flushed even worse as the cold air hit his bare skin, causing him to try and cover his chest and stomach with his thin bony arms. Ludwigs eyes widened when he saw what he did. He had seen the boy shirtless (well, completely naked at that, but he tried not to think about that at a time like this.) before, but now he was actually allowing his eyes to roam over the skin, not having to worry about getting him to safety. His chest was covered in even _more _bruises, as well as a long scarred over gash that ran up diagonally on his chest. Ludwig reached out his hand, pausing before letting himself touch the boy, looking up into his good eye for approval. Feliciano nodded, and he proceeded to gently run a finger along the scar. It made his own chest hurt just looking at it. The skin around the actual wound was swollen severely, varying in colors from a slight red to a dark purple. He traced the thick mark downward, his eyes flicking up every now and then to make sure he wasn't hurting the boy. How had he not seen this before? Was it just because he was in such a panic he didn't even have time to notice?

"Feliciano? Does this hurt?" He asked in a panic when he saw a tear roll down the boys cheek. Feliciano quickly wiped his cheek with his arm, shaking his head.

"N-no... It's just... R-r-emembering it..." He choked out, trying to block any more of the hot tears bubbling up from behind his eyes. Ludwig quickly retracted his hand, a look of sadness masking over his face.

"I'm so sorry, Feliciano. I'm so sorry something so terrible had to happen to you. But I promise, he wont do it again. It wouldn't be _possible _for him to do it again. You're safe now. I wont let him, or _anyone _for that matter, hurt you ever again." Feliciano couldn't stand it anymore. The tears he had been desperately trying to hold bad all came out at once at the mans words. He threw his thin arms around Ludwig's broad shoulders, burying his face in the skin of the bigger man's neck while he sobbed. Ludwig sighed deeply, wrapping his muscular arms tightly around the boy's frame, giving a small yet comforting squeeze. He stroked the back of his hair while quietly shushing. "It's ok. It's all okay now. It's going to be ok. It's alright." He cooed softly into the boys ear. After a few moments, Feliciano finally pulled himself together, releasing his grip on the german. But to Feliciano's surprise, Ludwig didn't let go. He continued to hug him, only without shushing him now. Feliciano liked being in Ludwig's arms the way he was now. It made him feel safe, comfortable. It was completely different from when Lovino would cradle him in bed after they had done... _Those _things.

Ludwig finally pulled away, trying his best to smile wanting to lighten the mood. "So, are you going to take a bath or what?" Feliciano slightly chuckled, wiping away the leftover tears.

"Y-yeah..." He reached down, about to unbutton his pants but he froze, realizing that the larger man was still in front of him watching him. "U-um..." He muttered sheepishly, his face flushing once more. Ludwig frowned.

"Right, sorry. But wait-... I have to make sure you can do everything though, right? I mean you couldn't even take your shirt off. Something tells me you are going have trouble with the pants as well." Feliciano's eye widened. _He's going to take my pants off too?! _"I-I mean I wont do anything you're not comfortable with, I just kind of figured you would need help." He explained. Feliciano nodded, and continued trying to undo his pants. He managed to undo the button and pull down the zipper, but began to struggle when he tried to actually pull them off. Ludwig raised an eyebrow, and Feliciano sighed while nodding. Ludwig sat down in front of him, yanking his jeans from under his backside eliciting a small yelp from the italian. Feliciano felt his face heat up as he sat in only a pair of underwear in front of the man. Ludwig did everything he could not to chuckle at the boy's adorable expression, and how cute he looked with that blush covering his cheeks. When he realized the boy wasn't going to take off his underwear in front of him, he shook his head while standing up. He turned around, his back now facing the boy and he began to turn the faucet to turn on the water. Feliciano realized what he was doing, and did his best to wiggle out of the boxers. Unsure where to put them, he tossed them into the pile where the rest of his clothes sat. He started to shiver, the freezing top of the toilet he was sitting on was sending a chill from his now bare bottom up his spine. All the while, Ludwig continued checking the water to make sure it wasn't too hot or too cold as well as eventually adding bubbles. He figured it might help him relax a little. And hide him to not let Ludwig see his-... No. He wouldn't even think about it. "You ready?"

"Mhm..." He grunted quietly in response. Ludwig turned around to face the boy finally, smirking at how his hands instantly shot down to cover his lower regions.

"Feliciano.. As weird as this might sound, I _have _seen you naked before." Before he could continue, the boy's cheeks instantly turned fifty shades darker and he looked down, trying to hide his face from under his shaggy choppy hair. "Plus, it's not like you have anything different from what I have." He added with a chuckle. Feliciano gave a small shrug, and without warning Ludwig picked up the boy once again, earning a squeak from him. He slowly lowered the boy into the bubbly water, Feliciano letting out a pleasurable sigh as the water instantly left a wonderful feeling all over his skin. The warmth slowly soaked some of the pain away and he relaxed back onto the back of the tub.

"Is it okay?" Ludwig asked, making sure he was comfortable. Feliciano groaned happily, nodding as he did so while closing his eyes.

"It's _perfect_. Thank you." Ludwig smiled.

"No problem. Alright, well um.. Do you want me to leave now? Because I will if you want." To his surprise, Feliciano shook his head.

"N-no... Can you-, can you stay? I-I don't want to be alone..." He breathed while sinking deeper into the warmth. Ludwig paused for a moment, but soon smiled once more and sat down next to the tub.

"Whatever you want, Feliciano. Whatever you want." Feliciano smiled brightly, his good eye staring happily into the older man's sky blue ones. He was so amazed by that intense color of his eyes... Such a bright shade of blue. Like the way the sky looked over a calm ocean. He wasn't sure he had ever seen that color in anyone's eyes before. They were so beautiful...

"L-ludwig?"

"Mm?"

"I-... Your eyes... They're very pretty." He admitted sheepishly, looking deeper into them. Ludwig cocked his head to the side.

"Really? Nobody's ever told me that before."

"They are.." The boy reassured, earning another happy smile.

"Well thank you."

Feliciano relaxed even deeper into the water, his nose almost submerged as well. He breathed slowly and deeply, allowing the feeling of comfort to take over his entire body. He felt like he was floating.. Floating in the most comfortable place he had ever been. He snapped out of his trance when he felt the other man's hand on his head, rubbing through his hair gently. His eye snapped open to reveal the german's face a bit closer to his, a happy smile on his face as he stroked the boys hair gently. He noticed that this was becoming a habit for the man, but he didn't really mind. It felt nice, comforting almost.

"Here, I'll help you with your hair." He gently cupped a bit of water in his hands and dumped it over the boys hair, doing this a few times until the brown locks were completely soaked. He reached over to grab the bottle of shampoo and squeezed some into his hands. He slowly worked it through the boys hair, gently massaging the boys scalp as he did so. Feliciano let out a soft sigh of pleasure. He really did feel like he was in heaven.

He suddenly let out a gasp when Ludwig's fingers ran over a spot on his scalp. A spot that a certain oddball curl stuck out from. He wasn't sure why, but that spot on his head had always been a _very ..._sensitive spot for him. Sometimes his brother would even tease and yank on the curl, and it would drive him insane with pleasure. A light blush crept over his face when he saw Ludwig looking at him in confusion.

"Something wrong?" He asked with slight concern. Feliciano blinked a few times before shaking his head.

"N-no, sorry... It's... I-.." He didn't even know where to start explaining. "My head's just.. sensitive?" Ludwig raised an eyebrow, massaging over the spot once more. Feliciano yelped out, covering his face with his hands and curling his body closer to him. Ludwig chuckled.

"I'm sorry. I wont do that anymore." He said. _No..please do it more... _Feliciano pleaded in his mind, but said nothing aloud. He didn't even want to think about how the other would react to those words.

He let out a squeak when he felt Ludwig pour more water over his hair.

"Oh sorry I didn't mean to startle you." He said softly, doing the action again and again until there was no more soap in the brown locks. As Ludwig did his best to rinse the boy's hair quickly, he made a mental note to take the boy to get a hair cut.

"Alright, well I'm done. I'll be right back so I can grab a towel. There's soap right there and a washcloth if you want to do that while I'm gone." He explained, pushing himself off of the tile ground. Feliciano nodded, and grabbed the soap as soon as the man left. He quickly ran it over the skin of his arm, scrubbing much harder than he knew he should be. But he didn't care. He just wanted to be clean...

_You'll never be clean_.

Feliciano's eyes widened. What... What was that voice just now?

_You'll always be filthy. Contaminated. Dirty. You'll never be able to clean away what happened. _

"Fratello?"

A shiver ran down his spine. Why did the water feel so cold all of a sudden? He felt himself beginning to scrub harder and harder, the skin over his arm beginning to burn. He dragged the soap around to his chest, scrubbing deep into the already bruised skin. Pain shot through him, but only one thought stayed in his mind.

_**I have to get clean... **_

His hand shot for the washcloth, and he quickly lathered it as well. Practically slamming it against himself, he began to dig his nails into his skin through the cloth. He hissed in pain when he felt a few drops of blood seep into the water. _I have to get clean!_

"Feliciano?!" Ludwig's panicked voice boomed off of the walls. Feliciano was in such a trance he didn't even realize him. Ludwig dropped the towel in hand and ran to the boy, prying his hands away from his body.

"What are you doing?!" He almost shouted. Feliciano's eye snapped to meet Ludwig's blue pools of confusion. He blinked a few times, dropping the cloth somewhere in the water.

"I-..." His mouth hung open. He couldn't find the words. He wasn't even sure what had just happened.

"Oh god, Feliciano, you're bleeding!" He quickly pulled the drain plug and reached in to gently but quickly pull the boy out of the water, wrapping the shivering body in the warm towel. He picked him up once more and carried him into his bedroom, laying him down on the bed. "Don't move, I'll be right back!" He dashed out of the room, searching for his medical supplies. Feliciano only sat there, frozen in place. What was going on? He looked down at his chest, and his eye widened as they met with a bloody mess. His entire chest was stained with red, and it slowly dripped lower and lower on his body as well as staining the white towel. Had he done that? Why did he do that? _To get clean..._ Ah yes. But why-... Why did he do _this _to himself? Ludwig ran back into the room, carelessly tossing the supplies onto the end of the bed. With a wet washcloth he gently dabbed away the blood running down his chest, careful not to touch the re-opened wound. He reached for a bottle of neosporin, hoping it would help as well. In all honesty, he had no idea what he was doing. He just knew he had to stop the bleeding as quickly as possible.

By the time Ludwig began gently pressing gauze to the wound, Feliciano had begun to feel dizzy and lightheaded. His vision was swimming and blurry. "Alright, how's that?" Ludwig asked when he had finished. He looked at Feliciano's blank expression and frowned. "Feliciano?"

Feliciano shook his head, trying to ignore and force away the pain in his body. "I-it's fine. Thank you." Ludwig ran his hand along the side of the boy's face.

"You don't look so good. I'll go get you some clothes and then you can sleep, okay?" As he slowly began to slide off the bed, Feliciano's hand shot out to grab his arm. Ludwig's blue eyes widened in shock. He examined the boy's face. He looked panicked, as if he had just seen something disturbing. "Feliciano?" He felt the boy's grip on his wrist tighten.

"Please-..." He muttered out, his lips quivering. Ludwig wasn't sure if he was cold or scared.. "D-..Don't leave ag-gain." Ludwig sighed.

"I'll only be a second I promise. Then I'll be back and wont leave, alright? I promise, I wont be long." Ever so slowly, his grip on the man's wrist loosened, and Ludwig hurried out and into the guest bedroom. Grabbing what he figured would be most comfortable, he walked quickly back into his own room to meet with a half asleep-looking italian.

He smirked. He looked so adorable with that half-lidded eye... He brought the clothes over and sat them next to the boy. He reached out for the boy, offering his hand to take away the now almost completely red towel. When he took the towel away, a bright blush covered his face in an instant. Feliciano's eye widened when he realized that he wasn't being covered anymore, and brought his legs together as well as covering his groin with his hands.

"You're-..."

"N-no! It's n-not-.. I'm not-! You d-don't understand I-... I told you my head was sensitive!" Ludwig's eyes were stuck on where his hands were covering. He was so confused... The boy had gotten flustered when he had touched said "sensitive spot", but then he had been in pain moments ago, and now he had an erection?

"Why..." Feliciano covered his face in the pillows in shame.

"When... When y-you t-touched my h-head... I... I.. And wh-when you l-left I th-thought ab-bout it a-and..."

"I didn't realize you meant _that _kind of sensitive..." Ludwig muttered, trying (and failing) to pry his eyes away from the boys nether regions.

"D-don't look!" Feliciano cried out in embarrassment. The german could only blink a few times. What.. What was he going to do? Was Feliciano just going to ignore it? But it looked bad...

"Well do you... Are you going to take care of it?" Ludwig asked awkwardly. Feliciano looked at him in confusion.

"H-huh?"

"I mean are you just going to l-leave it like that?" Feliciano's confusion only grew.

"Wh-what am I supposed to do about it?" Ludwig's eyes widened further. With all that this boy has been through, he didn't know how to relieve himself?! A thought flashed through his mind, but he immediately tried to push the thought out of his mind. Would _he _need to do it for him? No.. He wouldn't do that to the boy. Not after what he'd been through.

"You've never... You know.. relieved yourself before?" He asked sheepishly. Feliciano shook his head.

"Fratello always did something when this happened.. " He admitted. "But.. I never liked it.. He'd never let me feel good... or he'd hurt me..." Ludwig frowned at his words. Feliciano's face began to twist into a slightly pained expression as he looked down at himself. Ludwig sighed, sucking up the courage to ask him.

"Do you.. Do you want me to do it?" He asked quietly. Feliciano's face suddenly turned into a panicked expression.

"You want to be like Fratello?" He squeaked out.

"No! No no, Feliciano, I wouldn't hurt you. I would never hurt you, Feliciano. Wh-what I mean is that I would make that-," He pointed to the boy's throbbing member. "Go away. I wont if you don't want me to! But if you do..." Feliciano calmed slightly. It beginning to hurt... And he really wanted to feel good. But... Would Ludwig actually do that for him? He decided to slowly and hesitantly nod. Ludwig took a deep breath, and slowly climbed over the boy. He really wanted to be careful with what he was doing, he didn't want to make the boy remember anything bad. "You sure you're okay with this?" Feliciano slowly nodded.

"I-.. I know I don't really know you perfectly but, I t-trust you." Ludwig nodded, and slid his hand down to cup the boy's member in his hands. Feliciano hissed, a sudden pleasure running through his body. He was scared. He didn't want this situation to end up like what Lovino had always ended up doing. He would make him seem like he was trying to pleasure him, but then would deny his release at the last moment and pleasure himself instead. Or he would fuck him harshly and painfully... Either he didn't want to think about... Or do now.

He gasped out loudly, all of his thoughts disappearing when the german above him grabbed the base and slid his hand up quickly, stroking him at a painfully slow pace. Feliciano gripped Ludwig's arms, his eye tightly closed as waves of pleasure washed over him. It had never felt his good when Lovino had done this... He groaned, wishing he would increase his pace.

Ludwig couldn't help but smirk. The boy under him looked so sexy... The way he moaned and cried out. It was making his own pants tighten painfully. But that wasn't what he had to focus on now. He had to focus on pleasing the shuddering boy under him.

"Is this okay?" He spoke softly into his ear, the hot breath only sending more shivers up his spine.

"Y-yeah b-but please g-go f-f-faster." He gasped out. Ludwig grunted, and did as the boy requested. "Ah!" He cried out, arching his back. Feliciano didn't think he had ever felt this good in his life. He felt like he was already going to cum.. "L-Ludwig..." He panted out. He was already so close... "Oh god!" He moaned when Ludwig had bent over and flicked his tongue over a nipple. He felt the hot tongue swirl around the bud, switching between that sucking harshly on it. He couldn't take it anymore. He released on to Ludwig's hand, throwing his head back as he did so with a loud cry. Ludwig slowed his motions, but didn't stop as to help to boy ride out his release. Feliciano panted for a few moments, still clinging on to the other man. Ludwig looked down at the boy with lust filled eyes. God he wanted him bad... His own need was screaming at him now. After a few moment's, Feliciano finally looked back up to see his darkened expression. Feliciano's eye widened, and he practically threw himself back further away from the man on the bed.

"O-oh god I'm s-so s-sorry! I know you d-didn't tell me I c-could, oh god I'm sor-ry!" He wailed out, covering his face with his thin arms. Ludwig frowned. What was the boy going on about?

"Feliciano?" He asked, scooting closer to the boy. Feliciano squeaked out in protest.

"I'm sorry!" He cried out once more, hoping the man wouldn't punish him-. He felt his heart skip a beat when Ludwig grabbed on to his wrists, pulling them away from his face.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Feliciano." Ludwig said calmly. Feliciano looked up into his eyes.

"Y-you're not? Are you m-mad?" Ludwig chuckled.

"Why would I be mad, Feliciano? I did all of that for a reason, you know." Feliciano relaxed, but when he looked down, he sighed inwardly. He noticed the bulge in the man's pants, and from knowing what Lovino had taught him to do for the men that he had brought in, he knew what Ludwig wanted. He gulped, and reaching his hands in between them to unbutton his pants. Ludwig's eyes widened.

"F-Feliciano? What are you doing?" He asked in a startled tone. Without a word, being as trained as used to this as he was, he used he weak arms to wriggle down his pants. "The other men always wanted me to do this..." He mumbled quietly, starting to slip his fingers into the band of his boxers. Ludwig sucked in a deep breath when he felt the boy's thin fingers wrap around his member.

"F-Feliciano..." He hissed as he began to stroke him in the same manner. He hadn't intended this to happen, the boy had just decided to do it! "Y-you don't have to do this." He grunted and the boy bent down and pulled his underwear down his thighs. He wasn't paying attention to what Ludwig was saying. This was always how it was with all of the other men. They would "try" to please him at least a little, and then expected him to give his best to please them in return. _That must be why he did it _he thought to himself. _He wanted me to do this... _He flicked his tongue out against the tip of Ludwigs leaking erection, causing the older man to gasp loudly. Feliciano sighed to himself as he took the man's entire length into his mouth, tears stinging the back of his eyes as the ip touched the back of his throat. He was very big, but wasn't any bigger than he could handle. He bobbed his head up and down with skill, swirling his tongue along the length as he sucked harshly. He began to freeze up when he felt the older man weave his fingers through his hair. When the other men would do this, they would usually tug and yank painfully at his locks. But when he felt the fingers gently soothe through his scalp, he relaxed and continued. Ludwig let out a loud groan, tossing his head back while he arched his back.

"F-feliciano..." He warned through his teeth. He knew what this meant. He sped up his actions, and with one final moan Ludwig released into the boy's throat. Feliciano did well to swallow all of it, another skill taught to him by his brother. If he didn't do it properly, his brother would always hurt him... So he did well to remember to get all of it. Ludwig released his grip on the boy, falling back onto the mattress as he panted in ecstasy. He looked over to the boy, who's head was hung low and face was hidden in his hair. He could instantly tell the boy had regretted what he'd done. Ludwig wanted to punch himself. He had just done what he was trying to avoid everyone else from doing! He felt ashamed, letting it happen. He had only wanted to help the boy, he had never asked for all of _that _to happen! He felt like such a pervert...

"Are you happy now?" Feliciano muttered quietly, not bothering to look at the man. He was positive he would only have the same expression as the other man always had... Ludwig's head cocked to the side.

"H-huh?"

"That's what you wanted, wasn't it?" Feliciano asked darkly, wiping the tear that had finally broke free. Ludwig's frown deepened.

"What are you talking about?"

"That's the only reason you did... Th-that to me! So I would do that?" He practically snapped. Ludwig's eyes widened. Oh no... This is exactly the opposite of what he had wanted. But he didn't blame the boy for thinking what he did. Being in the situation he was, he didn't blame the boy for expecting to be used. But he _wasn't _being used, and he wanted the boy to know that...

"Is that the only reason you took me in?" Feliciano asked in a shaking whisper. "So you c-could... So you... " He couldn't block any more of the tears. They all came out at once, soaking his cheeks. That was it for Ludwig. He practically leaped on the boy, him screaming out in surprise. He closed his eye tightly. Oh god, this was it. He was right, Ludwig _was _going to hurt him. He had made him angry with what he had said, and even though he had tried his best to be a "good boy" like Lovino had taught him, he was still going to pay for it.

"Look at me." Ludwig demanded. He only earned a few terrified whimpers. "Look at me!" He growled. Feliciano's watery eye snapped open, a look of fear spread across his face. "Listen to me. I did _not _take you here to use you. I _swear _to you that. I took you in because I care about you, alright? I didn't want to see you get hurt anymore... I couldn't live with the fact that I wouldn't be doing anything to help. But what just happened... I didn't mean for it to happen, okay? I-... I didn't want to put you through that. It's my fault for letting it happen, and I'm so, _so _sorry if it hurt you in any way. Just... I only wanted to help you and-, and it got out of control. I'm _so sorry_ Feliciano..." He buried his face in the boy's shoulder when he finished his explanation. Feliciano was dumbfounded. So everything he thought, all of the bad thoughts, they were all wrong? Ludwig really did want to help him... A giant weight of terror lifted from his shoulders. He instantly felt better. Ludwig wasn't like those other men, the ones Lovino brought in to abuse him. He really did care.

Feliciano wrapped his arms around Ludwig's neck, not sure of what else to do. A sudden feeling of warmth ran through his body. He felt safe, knowing that he wouldn't have to worry about being hurt. He felt like he was actually _cared _about. At least from what he said. And Ludwig didn't ever actually _hurt_ him now that he thought about it. He had actually made him feel _amazing. _Better than anyone else ever had. Ludwig really did care...

The older man pulled away to look into Feliciano's brown eye. They locked gazes for a moment, before Ludwig bent down to press a gentle kiss to his forehead. Feliciano's eye widened as a blush spread across his face. Why was he showing him so much affection...

"Feliciano?" He whispered against his ear, sending shivers up his spine.

"Y-...Yes?" Ludwig swallowed the lump growing in his throat. He was going to tell him. He was going to actually let him know his true feelings. Dammit, he was going to!

"I-..." He swallowed once more, a drop of sweat rolling down his head. Feliciano tightened his grip around the man's neck in anticipation, his own heart slamming in his chest. He himself had wanted to say something... Something important. "I-!"

He gasped when he felt the boy's lips pressed lightly against his own.

* * *

**HURRAY finally some GerIta action going on right? So again, sorry if it may be confusing, but if you have any actual questions, theres a perfectly good review box down there, or you can PM me and I'll do my best to explain! Hope to see you next chapter, my dears. Until then~.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello again darlings!**

**Ugh. So first of all, I know the last chapter kinda sucked, and I'm sorry. But I think this chapter's a bit better, so that's good! This story's kinda at to the point where I want to add at least a little bit more before I want to actually start with the plot twist. So yeah, sorry if last chapter kinda sucked. I really want to go back and re-write it, but sadly, its too late for that. oh well.  
**

** Anyways, I hope you find this chapter to be okay, and I really want to hear your opinion on it! So yeah, I'll leave you to it!  
**

**Alice~  
**

* * *

_"Ah-.. L-Ludiwg!" _

_"What's wrong?" _

_"It... Hurts- Ng!" _

_"The pain will go away in a moment I promise." _

_"I-... Ah~!" _

_"See? I found it. Alright, I'm going to go in now."_

_"N-no, don't-" _

_"Shh, it's okay, Feliciano."_

_"Aaaah~!"_

_"Does it still hurt?" _

_"N-no...I-it... Feels good..."_

_"Here, wrap your legs around my waist like this. I get deeper like this." _

_"Aaah~! It... Oh g-god! R-ight there."_

_"Oh God, Feliciano... I already feel like I'm about to cum.." _

_"M-Me too... Ng... Ludwig!"_

Feliciano flew up in his bed, crying out as a pain tore through his midsection as he awoke abruptly from the ridiculous dream. He breathed heavily, looking around him. Where was he? It was so dark he couldn't tell. Was he back home? No, the bed felt too soft to be the one back home...

Ludwig's house... That was it. He looked around once more, his eyes more adjusted to the darkness. When he heard breathing beside him, he jumped in panic, but soon relaxed when he noticed that familiar blonde hair...

He was in Ludwig's bed? _With _him? He felt his cheeks heat as the memory of last night flooded his mind. He had kissed Ludwig... And _he had kissed him back. _A smile tugged at his lips as his mind went through the memory. They shared a deep, heated but yet gentle and sweet kiss. And then, he had fallen asleep in his strong arms. It was probably one of the greatest things that had ever happened to him. Something so simple had made him so happy... But it wasn't just the kiss. Someone actually loved him. And he _knew _he actually loved him. Why would he do all of those things to him and act the way he did if he didn't? Nobody had ever kissed him like that... He _loved _it. He wanted to a do it again...

He glanced over to Ludwig, who was fast asleep and curled under the covers, his blonde hair that was usually slicked back in a neat manner was now sprawled messily across his face. Feliciano chuckled at how silly he looked. But it didn't change how handsome he thought the large man was. He situated himself back into the mattress, letting out a comfortable sigh as he curled back up to the man, clutching tightly to his arm.

He flinched when he heard Ludwig let out a quiet grunt as he stirred in his sleep, frowning as he watched those blue eyes flutter open.

"O-oh, Ludwig! I'm s-so sorry did I wake you?" Ludwig shook his head, adjusting his position so he was on his side and eye level with the boy, propping his head up in his hand with his elbow on the pillow.

"How do you feel?" Feliciano thought for a moment, a sudden random panic running through him. _What does he mean? Does he mean the pain... Does he mean from last night..._

"U-uh... F-fine." Ludwig smiled, wrapping his other arm around the boy's shoulder lazily, placing a gentle kiss to his forehead.

"I'm glad." Feliciano smiled, pressing into his bare chest. Peering over the man's shoulder, he glanced at the digital clock on his nightstand. 2:30 the bright red light blinked. Ugh, why did he have to wake up so early? Especially disturbing Ludwig's sleep...

"Oh um.. I'm s-sorry I woke you up." Ludwig chuckled lightly.

"It's fine, Feliciano. To be honest, I'm usually up at this time anyways."

"Really? Why?"

"Well, I'm not sure why I've just always had problems sleeping. But tonight I actually managed to fall asleep pretty fast. Maybe it's just because you're here. I feel so relaxed with you here." Ludwig admitted, yawning quietly when he was done. Feliciano felt the man's grip around him tighten slightly. Not enough to hurt him, just a noticeable difference. Feliciano smiled, curling closer to the german's warm body. He felt his eyelids become heavy, the warmth running through his body in gentle waves. He felt his breathing begin to match the sound of Ludwig's heartbeat. God, why couldn't he just stay like this forever?

* * *

"Amigo... Amiiiigo? Hey, kiddo, wake up. Amigo!" Antonio's voice rang through his ears as his eyes slowly opened. Feliciano rubbed his eyes tiredly as he sat up slowly, remembering not to do what he had done last night.

"A-...Antonio? What are y-you doing here?" He asked tiredly. Antonio chuckled as he ruffled the boy's hair.

"Ha, you can't get rid of me that easily. Ludwig had to go to the school for a little while today, so he asked me to come over and make sure you were okay while he's gone. So, how're ya feeling, kiddo?" Feliciano yawned, stretching his arms upwards.

"Actually... I feel pretty good." He smiled to himself, remembering the events from earlier. Antonio raised an eyebrow, eying the boys happy expressions.

"Alright, what happened?" Feliciano's face dropped as he looked at the spaniard in confusion.

"H-huh?"

"What happened to make you so happy and cheery all of a sudden?" _Oh god, am I that obvious?_

"N-nothing happened!" He lied quickly, getting anxious as Antonio folded his arms. "I just... I slept really well, so I don't really hurt that much." Antonio gave one of those "Mhm"'s that parent's always gave when they were catching on to one of your lies.

"And I can't help but notice, isn't this Ludwig's room? And aren't you in _his _bed? Come on, Amigo, I wasn't born yesterday."

"N-no really! I-... He was helping me fall asleep! That's all!" The spaniard rolled his bright green eyes before chuckling.

"Whatever you say, amigo. Now, you're s'possed to take some medicines, right?" Feliciano nodded. "Well Ludwig told me he put some on the kitchen counter. I'll go get them and some water so you can take them. Be right back, alright?" After he was sure Antonio was away from the door, Feliciano let out a sigh of relief. He thought he'd _die _of shame if the spanish man found out about last night... He was already giving him a hard time about just thinking he had a _crush _on him. God knows what he would do if he was under the impression that they had "slept together".

But they did... Didn't they? Yes, in the obvious way of them actually sleeping curled up and cuddled against each other, but the _other_ kind of "sleep with". What Ludwig had done for him... And what he had done for Ludwig... Did that even count as "sleeping with him"? But it's not like they had gone all the way... They were just helping each other feel good, right? And it was only his first night here... They had already done those things...

He grabbed a pillow and hid his reddened face in it. He felt so ashamed to do those things with a man so quickly. Even thought he had done even worse things with strange men even quicker, but that was beside the point. He was going to be staying with this man for quite some time...

Did he expect to do these things more often? Oh god... His face burned brighter at the thought as well as remembering his dream from the previous night. _I'm already __**dreaming **__about those things with him? What is wrong with my brain?! _

"Amigo?" Antonio asked, slightly concerned. Feliciano shook the thoughts out of his head, setting back down his pillow to avoid suffocating himself. The spaniard handed the boy the group of pills and the glass of ice water, the italian swallowing all of them easily. Antonio smiled, sitting next to him. He seemed to be doing much better. He seemed much _happier_ than he usually was. He assumed it was because he was away from Lovino...

A sudden pang of guilt shot through him. Lovino... He suddenly wondered how he was dealing with the new life. It had been almost two weeks since the incident. Had they moved him to the asylum yet? If so, how was he handling it? He was so worried about him..

Wait, why was he worried? It's not like Antonio could feel _bad _for the italian, not after what he did to Feliciano. But he still wondered about him... Did Lovino ever think about him? At all? Did he think about what he would say to him when he got out? Or did he just spend all of the thoughts on him fantasizing strangling him? He shuddered at the thought.

_Maybe if I can find out where he is, I can go visit him? _He thought to himself. That is, if they would let him anywhere near him not knowing how he might react. He could end up being really dangerous... Antonio was beginning to think against it.

"Antonio? Are you okay?" Feliciano asked when he saw the spaniards dark, lifeless eyes. Upon hearing the boy's voice, he snapped out of his thoughts.

"Lo siento, Feliciano. I was just thinking about something. Is there anything else you need?"

"I don't think so..."

"Do you want me to stay longer? I mean, Ludwig should be back within the next hour or so, but I mean if you want me to stay with you just in case or so you don't get lonely I can." He offered kindly, smiling as well. Feliciano shook his head. He didn't want to bother him anymore than he assumed he was.

"You don't have to." Antonio nodded, and pushed himself off of the bed.

"Well then in that case, I'll be off. Tell Ludwig I said hello, and be nice. He might be stressed from work or something. Adios!" The spaniard waved before walking out of the room. He waited for a few seconds, listening carefully until he heard the front door shut. He pushed up his body with weak arms and forced himself on his feet. Thankful he could stand, he began to wobble over to the bathroom. He figured he could do at least _this _on his own. Its not like he wanted Antonio to help him use the bathroom...

After finishing his business, he hobbled back over to the sink to wash his hands, using the counter to help him stand properly. He caught a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror and winced, his eyes examining his body.

His brown hair was tangled messy, thick knots in some places and strands of hair sticking straight up in others. His face, or at least what he could see that wasn't covered in bandages, was a pale white except for the remaining purple bruises that went from his cheeks down his neck. Some went even further, but he didn't want to pay attention to those. His chest looked hideous in his eyes, that long deep scar that went from his chest all the way down his torso and to his hip. Even more purple bruises littered the pale skin around his hips and stomach. Bones seemed to be jutting out because of how scrawny he was. His collar bone and ribs showed, and when he turned around to look at his back he could see the notches of his spine as well as more bruises. He wanted to burst into tears. How could Ludwig look at him and not be disgusted? He looked so pathetic... So gross... How could the german stand the sight of him? He couldn't even look at his own reflection...

He felt tears begin to fall from his golden eye. Why did this happen to him? Why did he have to look so hideous? His feet slowly shuffled backwards, tripping onto his backside with a painful thud. He scooted back until he felt his back touch the tub. He curled his knees up to his chest, ignoring the pain filling his body, and sobbed.

_I know how this happened. I let Fratello do all of those things to me. I let him hurt me. I let him... Touch me. I let this happen. Why did I never fight back? Why didn't I? I'm too weak, that's why. I'm so weak... So pathetic... So useless... _

More and more tears fell from his eyes, his breathing becoming ragged and uneven. Violent hiccups caused his body to jerk and twitch. _I'm so pathetic_.

"Fratello..." He whimpered into his knees, sniveling loudly. "Fratello..." His body shook from the cold air around him as well as the icy temperature of the surface of the bath against his back.

He didn't know how long he had been there. Time seemed to fly right by him. Seconds, minutes, hours, he couldn't tell anymore. He hadn't even noticed when the door to the bathroom had opened.

"Feliciano?" A voice called out. He didn't look up. He didn't want to face whomever it was, didn't want anyone to see how pathetic he was. "Feliciano?!" The voice was loud, and almost angry sounding. He felt his body being ripped upward off the ground by his arm, but he didn't give any movement of protest. He barely uttered a squeak as his feet were swept off the ground in a swift motion. Someone was grumbling in an irritated tone, but in a robust language he didn't understand. He tried looking up to see who was holding him, but his vision was to blurred by remaining tears.

He heard a loud sigh as he was carefully laid down properly on the bed, and Feliciano resumed to curl back into his protective ball, his face hidden in his messy hair. He felt the weight on the bed shift as the bed creaked, indicating someone sitting down somewhere else on the bed. He clutched his knees tighter to his body, tears breaking through once more.

He jumped when he felt a large hand on his shoulder, and whimpered in protest when he felt the other's body hanging over his. He wondered what was going on, and was curious as to why the person above him wasn't trying to hurt or use him. Instead of the body crushing him or trying to harm him in any way, an arm wrapped around him in a seemingly protective manner.

"You don't have to be afraid, Feliciano." A familiar voice whispered into his hair. He blinked a few times before sniffing, wiping his eyes. A comforting hand ran through his brown locks in a familiar manner. Feliciano began to slowly calm, realizing he wasn't in danger. He knew who was with him, and he instantly began to relax.

"L-Ludwig?" He muttered, wiping his face with his thin arm. A gentle grunt was his answer. Ever so slowly, his entire body began to relax and unfold out of its ball. He laid back into the mattress, and the body above him shifted along with him so that the man's entire body now loomed over his. The german ran a soothing hand along the boys cheek.

"What happened?" He asked quietly. Feliciano wiped his eye once more before opening his mouth to answer.

"I-.. I saw my self... I look so disgusting... So hideous... And I remembered ... Why I'm so hideous... I'm so pathetic... I-... I'm s-so weak..." He sputtered out, the tears finally gone. Ludwig's eyes darkened, and his gentle expression quickly changed. His lips curled downward in a snarl. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know how he was supposed to answer. _No, Feliciano. _He thought. _How could you think that? You're... You're the strongest person I know. For being able to stay alive even with what all has happened to you... _

"You idiot..." He growled. Feliciano's eye widened.

"H-huh?" Ludwig's eye glared deep into his brown orbs, staring past them and into his mind. Feliciano squirmed, feeling uncomfortable under his gaze.

"I never want to hear you say those things ever again, you hear me?" He said lowly. The boy nodded slowly, but only did it out of fear. "Everything you said... _None_ of that is true. You're not disgusting, hideous, _or _pathetic. You're the strongest person I know, Feliciano. You were able to handle everything that you're brother did and _live_. After all of that, you were able to survive and now you're doing so much better. Tell me, Feliciano, how is that pathetic? How are you a disgusting person when you can stand up and do whats right after all of that? How are you hideous when deep down, you're so worried about other people that you put their lives before your own?!" Feliciano was frozen in place. All of the things the german said... Ludwig really believed such wonderful things about him? He really thought he was a good person... Even thought he had been just some useless slut? He shook his head.

"But I am pathetic, Ludwig." He spoke softly. "I _let _Fratello hurt me. I _let _all of those men do what they wanted to me." He explained calmly. Ludwig's scowl only deepened.

"But did you _want _them to, Feliciano?! Did you _ask _for them to do it?"

"N-no, of course not-,"

"You 'let' them do it because there was nothing you _could _do about it, Feliciano! None of this is your fault! Besides, if you had tried to fight back then God knows what would have happened! Lovino might have only been worse! He might have hurt you even more out of outrage! So stop telling yourself these lies, Feliciano!" Ludwig begged, lowering his face into the boys neck so he could he couldn't see his pained expression. "_Please_..." He whispered. "Don't think such horrible things of yourself..." Feliciano felt his chest swell in happiness. Ludwig didn't think he was disgusting, hideous or pathetic like he had thought. It meant so much to him... words couldn't even express it. He wrapped his arms around Ludwig's broad shoulders and pulled him closer, a single tear of joy escaping from his watery eye.

"Th-thank you, Ludwig... Thank you..." He murmured.

* * *

**Ahah~ So yes, a little more fluff between Luddy and Feli. I hope you liked this chapter, and please leave a review. Have any suggestions, questions or comments? That's what the wonderful review button down there is for. Thank you so much for reading~ Hope to see you next time!  
**


	10. Chapter 10

**Ahah! So I'm beginning to get better with my updates after all! :D! HOLY CRAP ITS ALREADY CHAPTER 10?!  
**

**Alrighty, so first of all, I wanted to say a big big BIG thank you to all of my followers (you know who you are) and say that I love you all for sticking with me through this crap.  
**

**Second of all, because I want to know your opinion on where this story's going to go, I'm going to start a contest like-thingy-ish-kinda-sorta for you guys to have an input on something you want me to put in the story. I'll leave the info at the bottom of the chapter :)  
**

**okay, I'll leave you to the story! Remember to please review (and you'll want to this time because of the contest-ish-like-thingy) Enjoy, my lovelies!  
**

**~Alice  
**

* * *

"How are you feeling today, Lovino?" A man with a bright smile asked politely as he walked into the white room. Lovino snorted in response, rolling his hazel eyes.

"How the hell do you think I feel? I'm fucking all by myself in this fucking room with nothing to do but think!" He growled angrily. The man chuckled, shutting the door behind him.

"I'm sure it must be lonesome. But I believe they're only doing it so you can reflect on everything that's happened." He explained calmly, taking a seat on his bed as he eyed the italian. Lovino sat in the center of the room, his head hung low and his face covered by his hair. His legs were crossed and his hands gripped at his ankles.

"Why the _fuck _would I want to do that?" He spat.

"Maybe so you can think about _why _you acted the way you did." He said in a calm but cold tone. Lovino finally looked up to meet the man's gaze and grinned darkly.

"Because I'm insane. Or at least, that's what everyone else seems to think isn't it? Isn't that why I'm here? Because I'm insane?" The stranger shook his head.

"You might be, but that's not why you're here. You're here because we want to help you." Another snort escaped the italian.

"I don't want your damn help, _doctor_." He said.

"Well, we're going to help you anyways. You're going to be here until you're a less violent and unstable person, Lovino."

"Well then I guess I'm going to be here for a long time." The doctor sighed.

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"I don't need your pity." He shot back. "What the hell do you want anyway?"

"I wanted to show you something, er- rather some_one_." The doctor said, standing back up. Lovino only rolled his eyes again.

"If you're going to try to get me to talk to one of your counselors, I'm not going. I don't want your fucking therapy." He said through his teeth.

"No, we're not going to a counselor. She's another patient here."

"I thought I wasn't 'allowed to interact with anyone' yet?" He said in a mocking tone.

"You wont be interacting with her, just listening. She's about to speak with one of our counselors right now. She's in a very similar situation as you, so I thought maybe seeing someone else act like you do might... Change your attitude a bit." Lovino grunted as he looked back down at the ground.

"I don't have much of a choice do I?"

"If you want to see it that way, then no you don't." Lovino sighed, forcing himself on his feet.

"Anything to get me out of this goddamned room I suppose." He said, faking enthusiasm. When the doctor grabbed his arm to lead the way, the italian ripped his arm from his grasp.

"Don't fucking touch me. I'm not going to go anywhere..." He mumbled. The doctor smiled as he opened the door.

"I'm glad to see you're being cooperative."

"I'm already in a shitty situation. It's not like I want you to put me somewhere worse. If there even _is _somewhere worse."

"The most run down, atrocious, unsatisfactory jail in Germany." The doctor offered, and Lovino smirked.

"Isn't that where I was before?"

"You want to find out?" He shot back in a threatening tone. Lovino shut his mouth, his eyes wide.

"Exactly."

"Whatever, just show me where this fucking bitch is." Ignoring the man's foul mouth, the doctor led him down a series of unfamiliar hallways. Lovino had _no _idea where he was going. The entire time he had been here, he had been kept in that room. That room reminded him a lot of the one he was in back at the jail. Except this one was _slightly _less harsh. Instead of concrete floors, they were made of clean, pristine white tiles. Sometimes he wanted to slit his arm to get a little blood on the ground, just so he could see _something _on the ground, _some_ sort of walls were painted completely white, and he even had a small little window he liked to look out. The only thing he could see were trees, but at night he liked to sit on the bed that he had moved to that wall and stare at the moon. It would calm him down when he had violent outbursts.

Sometimes just the silence alone was enough to enrage Lovino. He would flip over his bed while screaming like a mad-man, or slam his body repeatedly against the door or walls. Sometimes he would slam his fists on the metal door and holler at whomever he thought might hear him, cursing them in his native tongue. If it ever got too bad, a nurse would come in and pin him down to sedate him. He hated this place. He hated it so damn much. But he was glad he wasn't in that damn jail anymore, tied up and blindfolded while Toris came and fed him liquid shit. Here they at least fed him decent food, and didn't shove it down his throat.

"Alright, now I need you to be quiet when we're in here, alright? She doesn't know that we're here, and I don't want to interrupt her, alright? Anything could set her off, so please stay quiet."

"Tch." Lovino rolled his eyes as the doctor opened the door and led him into another room. He was surprised when he saw the thin rectangular room, a darkened window in front of them as well as another nurse already waiting there. The doctor shut the door quietly behind them and brought him over to the window.

"It's a one way window." He whispered. "She cant see us." Lovino peered through the window, spotting the young blonde woman who sprawled out on one of the couches, a counselor on the couch parallel to her.

"Now, Ms. Arlovskaya," The counselor began. "I presume you know why I'm here."

"That's the thing. I don't _care _vhy you're here." She teased in her thick russian accent. Lovino raised an eyebrow at her attitude. The doctor was right, she _was_ a lot like him.

"Now, now, Natalya, please be cooperative. Remember, we're only trying to help."

"Vhatever you say..." She mumbled, resting her chin on her knuckles.

"Now, regarding your eldest brother Ivan, tell me about him."

"Big brother? Vhat is it you vant me to say about him?"

"Well, do you like your brother?"

"Yes! I love my brother!" A smile grew wide on her lips as she spoke. "Big brother is strong and handsome, and is always so kind to everyone."

"So tell me this, if you love your brother so much, why did you do what you did to him."

"Vhy vhatever to you mean? I did nothing wrong."

"You tied him to a bed and used him for sexual pleasure and cut him in several places. He almost bled to death, Natalya. Did you know he still has scars from that?" Natalya's smile grew as she gasped, clapping excitedly.

"Oh really? Vonderful!"

"How can you say that? You caused your brother a lot of pain. You almost killed him!" Her smile fell.

"I only wanted to mark him as mine. No one else can have him. He is _mine _and _only _mine. If anyone else were to touch him I would kill them. So I... Made him unwantable by anyone else. Only I will love him. Only I _can _love him now." Her tone darkened dangerously. The counselor sighed.

"And you don't think that there's anything wrong with that?"

"Of course not! I was just showing everyone that he is mine." She explained, her smile returning. Lovino scowled.

"_She _is insane." He mumbled under his breath. The doctor raised a brow, glancing over at the italian whom was crossing his arms.

"You think so?"

"Yeah... This bitch is crazy." The doctor grunted, and pointed his thumb to the door, signaling it was time for them to leave. Lovino took the hint and followed him out and back towards his room.

"Going back already? Can't we go somewhere else?" He whined. He was so tired of being cramped in that damned room... But the doctor shook his head.

"I'm sorry, but until I can trust that you're stable enough for me to let you interact with other people, we cant go anywhere but private places. I can take you to my office, but that's it."

"Then lets go to your office." He grumbled, ignoring the fact that despite that he hadn't run away yet, the doctor didn't trust him.

"Alright, if that's what you want." He led Lovino in a different direction then where he was going, turning into a hallway filled with metal doors. He looked at all of them, curious as to know if they were more rooms that held more patients. He flinched when he heard a scream echo through the hallway, his eyes widening as he saw a group of nurses running to open one of the doors. Before they could even touch the handle after unlocking it, the door flew open and a body dashed out quickly. The group of men ran after who ever it was that was dashing down the hallway. Lovino realized it was a young girl as she ran towards him in a panic.

"Lili! Get back here!" The men screamed after her. The girl ignored them as she kept running, tears streaming down her face.

"I _heard _him! " She cried frantically. But as she ran, she wasn't watching _where_ she was running.

"Hey, look ou- oof!" Lovino grunted as her body collided with his, knocking them both to the floor, him falling directly on his back.. She gripped at his shirt frantically, as if she thought he would protect her from danger. Lovino couldn't move, the fall knocking the wind out of him.

"I found you! Help me! They want to take me away! Don't let them put me back in there!" She cried in a panic, burying her face in his white shirt. Within seconds, the nurses grabbed her and were pulling her off. "Noo!" She screamed, flailing her body wildly trying to shake off their grip. They dragged her back into her room, screaming curses and profanities as they did so.

Lovino blinked a few times. He was so confused... What had just happened? It had all happened so fast... The doctor held his hand out to help the italian up from the floor, but Lovino only scoffed and pushed himself up back onto his feet.

"Who the hell-"

"That was Lili Zwingli, another patient here-"

"Obviously." Lovino interrupted.

"She's a schizophrenic here, and talks a lot about "seeing" and "hearing" her older brother, Vash, who's been missing for two years now. It really took a toll on her mind, Vash was all she had. Anyways, I'm sorry about that, sometimes she confuses other men for him. Shall we continue to my office?"

"Whatever. Just hurry the hell up, I don't want to run into any other whackos." The doctor chuckled and began walking again, Lovino following close behind. Within a minute, he finally approached a door, key in hand, and unlocked it.

"Please take a seat."

"I was going to." Lovino huffed, sitting down on one of the two couches. He looked around the room, glad he was here instead of his "room", though his room was more like a comfortable cell. This room, however, had a cozy feel to it. The walls were painted a deep red, old fashioned designed paintings and furniture decorated the room. Lovino raised an eyebrow. This reminded him of a therapists office his parents had "encouraged" him to see back when they were alive. He cringed at the memory. They wanted him to go because they thought it would help him get over and forget his... Unfortunate incident.

"Now, Lovino." The doctor began, grabbing a notebook and pen before sitting down in front of him. Lovino's lips curled into a scowl.

"I told you I wasn't going to do any of your fucking therapy lessons, asshole."

"Now, now, you're the one who wanted to come to my office, no?"

"Not to talk, to fucking stay out of that room."

"I see. But, because you're here anyways, I wanted to ask you a few questions about what you saw."

"With that crazy russian bitch?"

"Please don't refer to her as that, Lovino. She has a name. Her name is Natalya Arlovskaya, and please refer to her as such."

"I'll call her whatever the _fuck _I want." He growled. The doctor sighed, shaking his head, letting it go.

"Anyway, tell me what you saw."

"I saw a crazy bitch who was overly obsessed with her older brother."

"Do you remember what her counselor said to her? What she did?" Lovino shrugged.

"Somethin' 'bout raping him and cutting him?"

"That's right. But maybe you don't know how _badly _she did it. What she did almost cost him his life. You want to see what he looked like when the police found him?"

"Not really." Lovino replied quickly.

"Too bad. Look at these-" He began, standing up to fumble through one of the drawers on his desk. After a few seconds, he pulled out a group of pictures. Lovino's hazel orbs rolled before taking one of the photographs into his hand. He froze instantly, looking over the sight. In the picture, a man was tied to a bed with his hands bound together by a thick, low quality rope, while his legs were being pulled apart by a hand that was visible from the bottom corner. He was gagged, and tears were streaming from his eyes. His crotch was blurred out, he assumed was intentional by the police. The picture reminded him so much of-... No, he wouldn't think about that.

"This was a picture they had found of him that apparently she had taken herself. Look at the next one." The doctor ordered, taking the one from him. The next photo made Lovino's stomach churn. The man was covered in his own blood on the bed, but had at least been untied. He looked as if he was screaming in pain with his eyes squeezed to tightly shut and his back arched, the sheets under him were all soaked red and dyed with blood.

"I don't want to see anymore." Lovino growled, shoving the picture back to the doctor.

"Look at one more." He said deeply in his ear, holding up one last photo. The man was in a hospital bed at last, covered in bandages. There was an oxygen mask strapped to his face and several tubes were attached to his wrist.

"Why are you showing me these?" Lovino asked irritatedly. The doctor huffed, walking around to sit back on his couch.

"I wanted you to see this situation as an outsider. I wanted to know your feelings about Natalya and her brother after seeing these pictures of what happened to him."

"What do you mean "know my feelings"?" He asked, his lips curling downward. He knew where this was going, and he didn't want to think about it.

"After looking at these pictures, how do you feel?" He asked again. Lovino frowned, his eye twitching.

"I feel disgusted."

"Alright, that's a normal response. So tell me, if you feel disgusted looking at this happening to someone else, then why did you do this to your own brother, hm?" Lovino's entire body froze, and the doctor took note of his response. After several moments of silence, the doctor sighed. "You know I'm only doing this to help you, right? I want to know _why _you did what you did. Natalya had a reason, though not legitimate, but she still had a cause for her actions. I want to know the cause of yours."

"I was frustrated." Lovino practically whispered, his face hidden in his hair as he grit his teeth. The doctor raised a brow.

"Why were you frustrated, Lovino? According to the police, this wasn't the first time you've used your brother in this way. Though this time was _much _more severe. So what made you _that _frustrated?" Lovino stayed silent. He didn't want to talk about this. He didn't want to think about his little brother. He didn't want to think about everything he had done. It _hurt _to think about. It made feelings he didn't like swell in his chest, feelings like guilty and regret. He _knew _what he did was wrong, and believe it or not, he felt _horrible _for it. Words couldn't describe his feelings of lament over his actions. But yet, that insane part of his brain _didn't _regret anything, felt nothing he did was wrong. Sadly, that part of his brain controlled everything he said and did.

"Lovino, I'll ask again. _Why _were you so frustrated? Frustrated enough to just about kill your own brother." The doctor asked in a gentle tone.

"Because he almost told someone about me!" Lovino finally barked, his hands clenching his white pants so tight his knuckles became white. His face held that angry expression as he glared at the doctor, but soon changed as tears stung the back of his eyes. His face twisted into a saddened pose as he tried to chuckle. "The-.. the idiota nearly told someone what I was doing... He could have sent me to jail... He almost betrayed me..-"

"What do you mean 'betrayed' you? He only would have been doing what was best for his _safety_, Lovino! What did you expect, for him to allow you to use him like that the rest of his life without complaint?!" The doctor asked, completely appalled.

"So what if I did?!" Lovino yelled in frustration. "He always told me he loved me! That he'd never do anything to hurt me... That he'd never betray me... He's all I have!"

"And you choose to... shall I say "return the favor" by hurting him?"

"I-..." Lovino's mouth hung open, words escaping him. The doctor was right. Why _did _he hurt him? All Feliciano ever was to him was a sweet, obedient, loving little brother... And all he was was an asshole who hurt him... But why-

"Why does he love me..." Lovino asked quietly, his head hung low. "After all the things I've done to him... He still loved me. _Why_? _Why _did he continue to love me?!" He asked, tears beginning to fall from his eyes.

"Maybe because he thinks you'll change. Maybe he thinks that if he continues to love you, you'll eventually love him enough to change. He's waiting for you to change Lovino. Maybe that's why."

"Maybe that's why I hurt him.." Lovino's tone darkened, striking curiosity in the doctor.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Maybe-.. Maybe I want to see how far I can push him before he wont love me anymore... Just like everyone else." A slight chuckle left his lips after he finished speaking. The doctor raised his brow once more, scribbling something down on his notepad.

"You believe no one loves you?" Lovino only nodded. "Now think for a moment. _Why _do you think nobody loves you." A dark grin cast over the italian's face before he chuckled once more.

"Because I'm a monster. A horrible, cruel, filthy, insane monster."

"I wouldn't necessarily take it that far, Lovi-"

"I would!" He spat. "You... You don't know my past. You don't know what I've been through... What I've done..."

"Then tell me. Tell me about your past. Tell me all of the thing's you've done." Lovino finally looked up, his eyes meeting the sharp gaze of his doctor, his crazed grin still on his lips. The doctor didn't like the look in the man's eyes. It was beginning to scare-, no, terrify him. His eyes, they looked like ones that belonged to a deranged murderer. But he had to know, for his patient's sake, he had to find out everything there was to know about him. It was for his own good. He had to figure out where the problem originated.

"You sure you want to know?" Lovino teased.

"Tell me. _Everything_."

**BUM BUM BUUUUUUU- Okay I totally ruined the moment I'm sorry don't hurt me. Its late and I really don't feel like writing anymore right now SO onto the details of the contest-ish-like-thingy  
**

**This is how it's going to work:  
**

**I'm going think of a number between one and 20. YOU are going to guess the number, and THEN write down an idea you want me to add into the story. Whomever guesses closest to the number I chose, I will add their request that into the story no iffs ands or butts about it (can't promise I'll add them in the NEXT chapter, but I promise I'll add it ;))  
**

**Here are the rules about this (and yes I hate rules as much as the next crazy gal but hey, just want to clarify some things)  
**

**1: You can only guess ONE number (that obviously has to be between one and twenty)  
**

**2: Your idea has to actually incorporate and go along with the story. I'm not going to do it if you requested something like "and Lovino actually turns out to be a purple sparkling unicorn who likes to frolic on rainbows-" Yeah no honey, not going to do it. Something I WILL do is for example this: "_(insert random hetalia character here) actually turns out to be.. idk the one who hurt/kidnapped Lovino in his past" Something like that. **

**Simple rules, yes? So, let the games begin. Haha nah this isn't the hunger games. But remember, even if you don't have an idea, that shouldn't stop you from reviewing~.  
**

**See you next time, my dears! Ciao!  
**


	11. Chapter 11

**OH SWEET MOTHER OF GOD IT'S BEEN SO MUCH TOO LONG I MISSED YOU GUYS SO MUCH ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY! Goodness gracious I'm SO sorry this took me so long! To be honest I've actually had this chapter finished for quite some time... I just wasn't sure if I was going to upload it with the next few chapters or not... Oh well I decided it didn't matter.**

**So about the contest-ish-kinda-sorta-thing. The winner is...  
**

**Extreme drumroll...  
**

**...  
**

**Rienmi! Not only did she have the right number, but she had an AMAAAAAZING request. And I want to say thank you! :D Thank you to everyone else who requested as well! I might do something like this again sometime, it was fun.  
So Rienmi, you're request will start either the next chapter or the one after that.  
**

**But for now, ONTO THE MADNESS!  
**

**(Warning, this chapter has a scene that shows a child being sexually harassed. If you really don't like that kind of thing, There will be a page break where it starts and one where it ends. So DON'T LIKE DONT READ)  
**

**But anyhow, enjoy this chapter!  
**

* * *

Lovino looked deeply into the doctor's eyes. He wanted to know everything? Then he'd tell him everything.

"My parents never loved me." He started. "And I _hated _them for it. They never gave a shit about me, about my safety, anything. They always gave every bit of their love to Feliciano. Ever since he was born, they tossed me aside and only cared for him, like he was the greatest thing that had ever happened to them. And like I was just... A constant inconvenience to them."

"I'm very sorry to hear about that." The doctor said with a frown. Lovino rolled his eyes and went on.

"One day when Feliciano and I were outside playing, we were really young so don't you dare laugh at me, I saw a man standing at the corner of the street. He began pointing at me and my brother, sorta like signaling for us to come to him. I wanted to go see him 'cause I was curious to see what he wanted, but Feliciano kept telling me to stay. I eventually got pissed off at him 'cause he kept pulling at me sleeve like 'No, Fratello! He could be scary, you aren't supposed to talk to strangers,' kinda shit, so I hit him in the face to get him off me. When my parents heard him crying, they came over and started screaming at me and shit, telling me how horrible of a child I was and what not, asking why I couldn't just be normal and 'well behaved'. So I..." He paused, looking down at his lap.

"Did you go to him after that?" The doctor asked, wanting him to continue. Lovino nodded.

"I practically _ran _to him. I didn't even care that my parents were yelling at me, telling me to come back. Actually, I think I ran to him just to get away from them."

"And then?"

"H-he... He asked me what my name was and how old I was. He seemed really nice to me, so I told him my name and I was ten years old. Th-then he grabbed my hand and told me to come with him. My parents were still yelling at me, telling me to get away from him and come back, but I purposely didn't listen. I didn't want to listen to what they had to say, I wanted to ignore them like they had been ignoring me my entire life. So I... I followed him to his car. I did everything he told me.. But when I got in the back there was another man there who put some sort of cloth to my mouth. I passed out and the next thing I knew, I was in a cell."

"Oh my..." The doctor began scribbling a few more things onto his notebook, which only irritated Lovino further.

"What the hell do you keep writing down?!" He barked.

"Only things I want to remember. It's nothing to worry about. But I am starting to understand a bit of why you seem so.. Angry all of the time. Please, do continue." He said, looking down at his notes.

_Vargas seems to be very emotional over different things. Possibly bi-polar. Becomes sad when thinking about his brother. Misses his and loves his brother despite attempts to hurt him.. Feels parents neglected him in adolescence. Felt the need to rebel, possibly seeking attention. Was kidnapped at age of ten. _He took basic notes, only writing down basic summaries of things he thought might be important to understand why Lovino felt the way he did.

"As I was saying, I when I woke up I was in some sort of shitty cell. I was also chained to the wall, blindfolded and naked and, being ten, I was scared the absolute fuck out of. I didn't know what was going on on where I was, so I was freaking out. The... the man finally came into the cell, and I was begging him to tell me what was going on. And he... H-he..." Hot tears stung the back of his eyes as the memory played clearly in his mind.

(This is the part where if you're not comfortable reading a child being sexually harassed, then don't read)

* * *

_"Wh-where am I?!" _

_"Don't worry, you'll be with me from now on." A deep voice growled in front of him. _

_"H-help me! I'm stuck to this wall! I- I can't see! Help me!" Lovino screamed frantically, yanking and pulling on the chains as hard as he could, but all of his movements were in vain._

_"Shhh, shh shh shh." Lovino flinched when he felt a large finger over his lips. "Don't worry, you're going to like this. I'm going to __**make **__you like this." The man grinned, red eyes roaming all over his prey._

_"Wh-who are you?!" The small boy asked frantically._

_"You're going to call me 'master' from now on, got it? And if you don't, I'll punish you."_

_"Why would I c-call you that? I'm not a dog!" The boy said in protest. A snarl escaped the man's throat, and he grabbed the boy and forced him on his hands and knees. _

_"You are now. Now, what's my name?!"_

_"I- I don't know, you didn't- AH!" Lovino screamed in pain as a large hand smacked down on his bottom. _

_"Be a good boy and say my name." He ordered again._

_"I-I already said I don't- OW!" _

_"I told you what you are to refer to me as. Until you do so, this will go on."_

_"Y-you weirdo! I'm not going to call you- OOOOWWW!" He smacked even harder this time, making the boy shriek as his body shot forward. _

_"Stubborn little child! You know what to do, now SAY IT!" He demanded, smacking his hand down once more as a fore-warning._

_"MASTER!" Lovino screamed, tears flowing from his eyes from the pain in his backside. The man smirked, licking his lips. _

_"Now bark like the dog you are." He commanded, licking up the boy's spine._

_"I-... I'm not a dog.." He whimpered, hating the feeling of the mans tongue on his skin. He felt so disgusting like this. _

_"Oh? Does the little dog want to get __**hit again**__?" The man snarled, raising his hand up to strike._

_"NO! NO PLEASE! I-.. I'll.. I'll bark.." _

_"Go on." His tone calmed as his hand fell, and he resumed his attack on the boy's back, moving up to his shoulders and back. _

_"A-arf.." Lovino whimpered. His captor placed a small kiss on the boy's neck, sending shivers up his spine. He didn't like what he was doing and he wanted him to stop. But he said nothing in fear of being hit again. _

_"Good boy. Again." He ordered._

_"Arf.." The man brought his hand up to run his finger along the boys nipple, earning a soft whimper from the boy. Lovino didn't know what was going on. When he touched him where he did, an unfamiliar heat kindled in his body._

_"Good boy." He began sucking on the junction between the boy's neck and shoulder, making the boy groan. _

_"You like this, don't you?" He teased, rolling one of the boy's nipples between his forefinger and thumb. _

_"This feels r-really weird..." Lovino whined, squirming under the man's body._

_"You're going to like this, my pet. Whether you want to or not, you're going to enjoy it, understand?" Lovino swallowed the lump growing in his throat and nodded slowly. Anything to avoid being hit. He grew confused when the man pulled off of his body, but soon cried out in shock when he felt two strong hands grip tightly on his bottom._

_"Wh-what are you doing?!" He asked frantically, a strange feeling bubbling in the bottom of his stomach as he groped the boys ass firmly. _

_"Shh. Hush my pet. Enjoy this while you can."_

* * *

(Alright, it's safe to look!)

Tears overflowed from Lovino's eyes as he clutched his knees tightly to his chest. The doctor didn't know what to think when he listened to what the boy had told him.

"That must have been horrible.. Especially at such a young age... Lovino..." He said softly, standing up from his seat to walk over to the man in front of him. Sitting down next to him, he wrapped an arm tightly around his shoulders comfortingly. He felt the italian freeze under his touch, and then push his arms against the doctors chest.

"Don't touch me!" He spat, trying to make the tears stop. He didn't want his pity. He didn't want him to feel bad for him. He didn't want anything from the doctor. Said doctor put his hands in front of him in defense, and stood up to go back to his seat.

"I'm sorry.. I only wanted to comfort you."

"I don't want your damn comfort!" He screamed, wiping his eyes. Why wouldn't they stop?! Why wouldn't the goddamned tears just stop?

"Alright fine. Then continue with your explanation. I presume you eventually got out, yes?" Lovino sniffed, wiping his eyes on his shirt once more before he spoke.

"D-duh, dumb ass. After a few _years_. But not before he... He did that to me so many other times. It eventually became a daily thing for him. He would come back from wherever he worked everyday and do that to me... And sometimes he'd come back drunk and only hurt me more. It... it happened so often I stopped fighting it. I let him do what he wanted to me, to my body. And sometimes, just for the hell of it, I'd do things when he didn't ask me too. And the sickest part of this whole thing? I eventually started to _like _it. I _looked forward _to him coming home everyday so we could do those things." Lovino began to feel sick to his stomach. So many different emotions were swimming around through his head. So many different thoughts, so many different feelings, he didn't know how to react to it all.

"I see. Well think about it this way, you were alone in a strange place you didn't know for a long period of time with _nothing _to do, nobody to talk to. So naturally, your mind wants someone to become attached to, wants something to do and look forward to. And if that was the only thing... I'm not saying it's _good _that you enjoyed it, and I _hate _saying this, but think about it. At least you weren't doing something you hated every say, right? You're mind was under _**extreme **_stress and pressure, and you probably were just confused." He explained.

"I _wasn't _confused. All I know is that I started to love what he did to me... I started to love when he'd _hurt _me. I.. I started to love _him._" More and more tears seemed to flow from his eyes. It seemed the harder he tried to start them, more would go against his wishes. The doctor nodded, scribbling one more thing on his notepad. _Previously suffered from Stockholm Syndrome. _

"What the fuck are you writing down now?!" Lovino screamed, completely outraged. He couldn't control himself anymore. There were just too many emotions... To much... _It's just too much.._

"Calm down, like I said before, it's just something I'll need to know to help you later." The doctor said calmly, raising an eyebrow when the italian stood up in front of him. "Lovino?" He then threw himself at the doctor, his hands going straight for his throat. The doctor cried out in surprise as the entire couch was knocked backwards from the force of the jump, and they both toppled on to the floor. _Oh no _The doctor though frantically, scrambling to stand back up and reach for his desk. But once his fingers were only close enough to touch the cool wood of the desk, Lovino had jumped back onto him. He straddled his hips, pinning him to the ground as he clenched his throat tightly. The doctor tried to scream, call for help, _anything_, but his grip was just too tight.

"You were probably writing down how disgusting I was, weren't you?!" Lovino spat through his teeth. When the doctor tried to shake his head, he only got angrier and slammed his head into the ground. "But you were thinking it weren't you?! WEREN'T YOU?!" He screamed. _Oh god... I didn't realize he was __**this **__unstable... _The doctor thought in a panic as he gasped for breath. _If only I could reach my desk I could sedate him... No. That would only make him angrier when he wakes up. I have to reason with him. If he'll let me that is. _

Still struggling for breath, the doctor reached up and grasped desperately at the italian's wrists, trying to pry him away from his neck. The doctor was stronger than he looked, which greatly surprised Lovino when he managed to break free of him. As quickly as possible, he rolled both of them over so the doctor was sitting on top of Lovino's stomach and grabbed his wrists to pin them to the ground. Taking in deep breaths, he stayed there like that while Lovino struggled as hard as he could to regain control.

"Lovino!" The doctor yelled, hoping the man would tire himself out soon. "Just calm down, alright?!" Lovino panted heavily, his struggling slowly and gradually stopping. He glared up at the doctor, seething in anger. "Now would you please just listen to me?" The doctor breathed, watching over the man under him. Lovino hesitated for a few moments, but finally nodded. The doctor slowly got off of the italian, watching to make sure he wouldn't lunge at him again. But as he watched him sit back down, he calmed and took his seat as well.

"Now, Lovino, let me explain. As I said before, I'm only writing down important things I will definitely want to remember about your situation. Would you like me to tell you some of the things I've written down? Would that make you feel better?" Lovino slowly nodded, and the doctor did just as he suggested, reading the things off of notepad to the scowling italian. The last thing on his list made the italian's hazel eyes widened. "Something wrong?"

"S-Stockholm syndrome... My-... My boyfriend said the same thing when I told him." The doctor nodded.

"Well, that's what it appears to be, Lovino. But luckily, that was a long time ago, and it doesn't seem like it affects you anymore. Can I continue asking my questions?" Another slow nod. "Thank you. Now, because of all the things that your kidnapper has done to you, do you think maybe that connects to what you did to your brother?" Lovino raised an eyebrow.

"What to you mean?"

"Well, your kidnapper... Used you for sexual pleasure, to put it bluntly. Do you think maybe that could be a reason you used someone else for sexual pleasure? A reason that you think its okay to do that to someone else?" Lovino shrugged.

"I guess." The doctor sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"Lovino, I need you to really think. If that's not the reason, then why _did _you think it was okay to do those things?" He asked. Lovino sighed, prying deep into the back of his mind. He had been at constant war with himself for months over this, asking the exact same question. Why _did _he think it was okay to do that kind of thing? And of all people, to his loving little brother. Because he liked doing it? But did he really like _hurting _the poor kid? Yeah, he loved the sexual pleasure of it, that was so obvious a total dumb ass could know that, but there had to be a better reason than that. He wasn't exactly a sadist, its not that he actually _liked _seeing people (especially not his brother) in pain. Sure, somethings turned him on, like they noises the boy would make when he was being hurt. But he didn't like to actually... _hurt _him. So _**why**_?! What did he gain from doing that, other than obviously sexual pleasure? Was it... was it to make the boy seem less special? Was it maybe because... If he hurt him and made him look ugly and unwanted, then maybe it would make Lovino look better? Could that, in some sort of twisted way, be it?

"I can see the wheels turning in your mind. You're thinking about _something_, I can tell. Tell me."

"I... I was just thinking that maybe.. Maybe I did it because I thought that by hurting him, I'd make him... Less perfect. He was always the perfect one... So much better than I was. So.. If I made him un-perfect, then I'd be more perfect then him... At least, that's just the thought that came to mind..." Lovino mumbled as he spoke slowly, his eyes avoiding the sharp piercing gaze of the doctor's. A slow smile grew on said doctors thin lips. _**Now **__were getting somewhere _He though happily.

"I see."

"What's so happy, you bastard?!" Lovino shouted angrily.

"Now calm down. I'm not necessarily happy, I'm pleased that you've thought about it and figured it out on your own." He explained, and Lovino instantly calmed. He was right... He did think of that himself. What did that mean? Was he _already _doing better? Now now.. .He thought, don't get ahead of yourself.

"I'm glad too..." He mumbled to himself, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms. He couldn't believe he was agreeing with this damn doctor.

* * *

Antonio sighed, running a hand through his chocolate curls. He couldn't believe he was here. He could believe he was doing this. The back of his mind screamed at him to just walk away, but he figured since he was already here he might as well. He sucked in a deep breath, and pressed open the doors and walked calmly into the mental institution.

"Hello, sir! How may I help you?" A lady with a bright smile behind a tall wooden desk asked. Antonio offered her a small smile before rubbing the back of his neck in an awkward manner.

"Hola. I have a question."

"And I'm sure I have an answer." She giggled, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. She was trying her very hardest not to stare and drool over the gorgeous tanned man in front of her...

"Well, um, I was wondering if you could tell me about visiting hours.."

"Of course! Who is it you want to see, sweetie-pie?" She asked, opening a file of all of the patients on her monitor.

"L-Lovino Vargas." He muttered, holding his breath as she scrolled through the names.

"And you're wanting to know if he's taking visitors yet?"

"Si, por favor." He nodded. She bit her lip.

"Well, you see he hasn't been here for very long, and it looks like his condition's pretty bad..."

"I know." He interrupted.

"Well his doctor hasn't exactly given him permission to see people..."

"He need's permission?"

"Yes. If a patients too unstable, they aren't permitted to see anyone except for their doctor. Safety reasons, I'm sure you can understand." He nodded slowly, a frown masking over his lips. "I'm sorry, Sweetie. But if you wait here for a few minutes, I can talk to the doctor and double check for you. He a friend of yours?"

"Y-yeah I guess you could say that." She offered a smile, standing up from her chair.

"Alright, well I'll go talk to his doctor. Why don't you take a seat over there while I'm gone." She offered, and walked out of his view, purposely swaying her thin hips more than usual. He rolled his eyes, and took a seat where she told him too. He sighed, resting his head in his palms. What was he going to do if he was actually able to see him? What was he going to say? _Hey, Lovi. It's been a while hasn't it?_ … Of course it's been a while, you idiota! You're the reason he's in here in the first place! _Hey, Lovi. Sorry I put you in here._ … No, he would wring his neck. What was he goin_g _to do?! What. Was. He. Going. To. Fucking. Say?! He sucked in a deep breath as a tall man with short black hair walked near him, holding a clipboard and wearing a bright smile.

"Hello, sir. I'm doctor Edelstein ." He greeted, shaking the Spaniards hand in a firm grip.

"Nice to meet you…" Antonio said softly, pulling his hand back.

"So I was told you wanted to see Mr. Vargas." He began, his smile falling slightly. "But I'm sorry to say this, but I don't think he's quite…. Ready to see anyone quite yet. I'm very sorry, but your safety as well as his, it's just best that he doesn't see anyone yet. I hope you understand." Antonio nodded, looking down into his lap.

"I-I understand." He mumbled. He couldn't tell if he was devastated or relieved. "B-but if you don't mind, could you tell me how he's doing?" The doctor shook his head.

"Only some things, you know, doctor patient confidentiality." He explained.

"What can you tell me?"

"What do you want to know?"

"Um… Has he gotten any better?"

"Depends on what you mean by 'better'."

"Um… Is he any less… Violent?" The doctor snorted in response.

"Absolutely not."

"Oh… Well does he… Does he ever talk about me?" He asked sheepishly.

"Well to answer that you're going to have to tell me who you are." The doctor chuckled.

"R-right. My name is Antonio Fernandez Carriedo. I'm his… Ex-boyfriend." The doctor nodded.

"Well, he's mentioned you once when I was talking to him earlier today. And sometimes when I walk by his room I'll hear him talking to himself about an Antonio. I'd assume that's you."

"What does he say?" He asked.

"A variety of things. It depends on his mood really. Sometimes he'll cry, saying he misses you. Other times… Well, he won't say the nicest of things about you." The doctor explained with a frown. Antonio nodded. What he was told didn't surprise him, but he was glad that Lovino missed him at least every now and then.

"I see… So… When do you think I'd be able to see him?" He asked in hope. But the doctor shrugged.

"It depends. You can see him either when he's ready to take visitors or if he specifically asks to see you and I approve." Antonio nodded.

"O-oh, alright. Well then give me a call I guess when I can see him. _If _he even wants to see me, that is."

"Will do, take care, Mr. Carriedo." Antonio nodded and stood up.

"You too, Doctor." With a smile, the black haired man walked out of Antonio's sight. The Spaniard let out a sigh. So Lovino wasn't doing any better like he had hoped… How long did it normally take a person to feel better after doing something like that? He wasn't sure. _Just give it time_ He told himself. _He'll be perfect in no time. And when he is…. We can be together again. And I won't be so lonely anymore…._

_Lovino… Please get better… _

_I want… I want to love you again. I want you to love me again… _

_Please Lovino… _

_Please get better._

* * *

**Espana! TT^TT I hate doing this to you my love! But seriously, why does everyone want Spain to be alone?! Why does nobody want Romano to get back together with spain?! You all want him to be ronery! Why?!  
**

**Oh well, either way, I hope you liked this chapter. If you did, or if you didn't, there's a lovely little review box down there for you to tell me why. See you next time~.  
**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hurray for another chapter in another day! :D Yeah, so this chapter's a bit shorter than the last few, but I just really wanted to get this uploaded so I can SLEEP. Ugh, I haven't been able to in weeks *insert dead zombie face*So anyways, another actual GerIta chapter... I think I'm going to continue doing it like this. Lovino's POV for a chap then Luddy/Feli's POV for another... Yeah... I like that Idea. **

**So on other news, Rienmi, you wonderful darling you, your request will start next chapter! Sorry for the long wait, but I hope it will be worth it.  
**

**So I hope that you enjoy this chapter and remember to review! I looove hearing you guy's opinion! Enjoy~.  
**

* * *

"Feliciano, I'm home!" Ludwig called as he shut the door behind him, a smile on his face. Feliciano looked up from what he was doing, an ecstatic grin dancing on his lips as well.

"Ludwig!" He cheered happily. Ludwig's smile fell slightly, realizing the boy's voice was closer than he had expected it to be. He was surprised when he glanced in the kitchen to see the boy standing there, holding a wooden stirring spoon with a goofy smile on his face.

"Feliciano? What are you doing, you're supposed to be in bed." Ludwig scolded. But he was actually slightly happy at the scene he saw. He could finally walk around a little bit on his own, and the fact that he saw him out of the room on his own meant that he really was doing better.

"Oh, I'm sorry. But-... I thought that since you do so much for me I wanted to do _something_ in return for you! So I decided to make some pasta while you were at the school!" He explained cheerily. Ludwig was shocked as he finally looked over all that was in front of him. There was a large pan on the stove filled with a colorful red sauce, different spices decorating it and enhancing the wonderful smell that was coming from it. Next to the pan was a large pot of boiling noodles. "I hope you're hungry! I made quite a bit... So I'm sure there will be leftovers!" Feliciano turned back to stir the boiling water, that bright smile never leaving his face. A smirk tugged at the corner of Ludwig's lips.

"Feliciano, you didn't have to do this you know. Especially when you should be resting." Ludwig said softly, setting his briefcase down on the table before walking over to the boy.

"I wanted to!" He giggled. Ludwig let out a breath before wrapping his arms around the boy's waist, his stomach pressing against the boy's back. Feliciano froze when he felt the man's large arms around him. "L-Ludwig?"

"Mm?" He grunted in response, his lips resting against the shell of his ear. The German's hot breath made shivers run down Feliciano's spine as he breathed deeply.

"W-what are you..." The boy sputtered out, his face growing redder by the second.

"Thank you, Feliciano." Ludwig whispered, placing a soft kiss on his ear before pulling away all together. This earned a small whine from Feliciano, but he slapped his hand over his mouth, praying and praying that he hadn't heard. Ludwig's smirk grew large. The noise he had just made... It was so adorable. Just like that red color on his face.

"That was cute." He chuckled. Feliciano, turned away from the German.

"No it wasn't... " He mumbled in embarrassment. Trying to avoid Ludwig's gaze, he reached up to find some bowls. Grabbing the first two he found, he began to scoop some of the noodles into them, moving to the sauce and doing the same. Ludwig tried not to laugh as he watched to boys frantic actions.

"H-here." Feliciano held out one of the bowls to German, his eyes to the side to avoid looking into his blue ones. Ludwig smiled, taking what the boy offered.

"Thank you. Come on, let's eat at the table." Feliciano followed quietly behind and sat down quickly, digging into the pasta without a word. Ludwig did the same.

As they ate in silence, Feliciano finally looked up to look at the older man, earning a smile.

"How was your day?" Ludwig asked after swallowing a large bite. Feliciano shrugged.

"Boring I guess. Lying in bed all say with nothing to do all day has its downsides." He sighed. "But that's when I decided to make the pasta! Plus, I figured I wanted to contribute _something_, even if cooking dinner is all I can do. I wish I could do more for you.."

"Feliciano, you're a guest here. I don't expect you to do anything. Plus, you're injured. You aren't _supposed _to be doing anything." Ludwig explained. Feliciano still felt bad, but decided not to say anything and only nod instead.

"How was _your _day?" Feliciano countered, trying to keep some sort of small talk going.

"I guess you could say mine was boring as well. Very uneventful as always." He sighed.

"O-oh, I'm sorry."

Whatever for? You've done nothing wrong." Ludwig flashed another white smile before he took the last bite of his pasta. When Feliciano did the same, the German stood up and took both of their bowls to rinse them out in the sink. After offering a thank you, Feliciano sighed and found nothing better to do than twiddle his fingers. Why was he being so awkward tonight? Why did everything seem to be so quiet? Like everything he said was wrong and just made everything even _more _awkward….

Was it because they were becoming closer? Maybe that was it… Feliciano didn't want to say anything to make the German upset in any way… Maybe that's why he didn't really want to talk.

Ugh… All of this thinking was making his head spin.

"Feliciano? Are you okay? Do you want to go back to bed?" Ludwig asked, slightly worried at how the boy's face had paled.

"N-no, I'm okay. Besides, I need to clean up-…" The Italian murmured, forcing himself on his feet. But at the sudden pain that shot though his head, he began to fall forward. Luckily, Ludwig had caught him against his chest in time before he had crashed on to the ground. "Nng… I'm sorry, Ludwig! I-.. I don't know what happened…" Ludwig chuckled, lifting the boy in his arms.

"Don't worry Feliciano, let's get you to bed. I'll clean up later alright? You've worked so hard when you didn't need to, you need to rest." Feliciano was too tired to say anything against it, so he only nodded and allowed him to carry him into the man's room. The Italian smirked when he realized something.

"I-I couldn't help but notice... I sleep in your room more than I do in the guest room..." He thought aloud. Ludwig smirked.

"That's true. It doesn't bother you, does it?" He asked as he laid him down onto the mattress. Feliciano shook his head and smiled.

"No, I was just hoping it didn't bother _you_." They both laughed.

"We need to stop being so worried about who's bothering whom if neither of us are ever doing it." Ludwig chuckled, laying down next to the Italian and pulling him into his arms.

"You're right…" He mumbled, pressing into the German's warm touch. He let out a sigh of comfort, the warm feeling buzzing through every nerve in his body. His face flushed a bright red when the larger man pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead.

"L-Ludwig?" He squeaked, pulling slightly away from his chest so he could look at the German face to face. He had never really realized just _how _handsome he was… His strong chin, beautiful eyes, thin lips, even skin, perfectly shaped nose, his neat blonde locks, large and calloused but gentle hands, his enormous muscles, everything about him just looked handsome… Not even that… He was just _sexy_. It drove him nuts how he was so close to such a gorgeous man…

"What is it, Feliciano?" Ludwig asked quietly, running a hand through his brown locks. Feliciano swallowed the lump growing in his throat. _Oh just do it already! _He screamed at himself. Sucking in a breath, he slowly pressed his lips against the German's soft ones. Ludwig's eyes widened slightly at the boy's actions, but quickly got over it and kissed him back gently. Feliciano moaned lightly, gently pressing his hands to the German's chest. Ludwig clutched the boy tighter in his arms.

When they both finally pulled away from each other, Ludwig grinned.

"What was that about?" He chuckled, and Feliciano instantly flushed a deep crimson, looking away from the German's gaze.

"I-...I-... I'm sorry I just... I-... " He sputtered nervously. Ludwig ran a soothing hand across his cheek, being careful not to touch any sensitive skin.

"It's okay, Feliciano. It was nice. I was just wondering what brought it on is all."

"I... I just.. I wanted to..." Ludwig's smile grew slightly, and without warning pressed his lips to the boy's once more. Feliciano squeaked in surprise, but it didn't even take him two seconds before they had found the same comfortable position as before.

"Feliciano..." Ludwig whispered against his lips, shifting his body so his body loomed over the italian's, said italian's body tensing up. Ludwig was loving this, doing able to do this with the person he loved... He only hoped that Feliciano liked it as much as he did...

In all honesty, Ludwig had no idea how the boy felt about him. It _seemed _that he liked him most of the time... But of course there were those times where he just seemed so.. .afraid of him. Ludwig had never given him a reason to be afraid of him... So why did he cower away sometimes when he would walk towards him? Why did he shy away when he would try to hold him? Did he just not trust him... But why wouldn't he trust him-...

_You fucking __**idiot**__! _He screamed at himself, pulling away from the boy as everything clicked into place in his mind. It's not that Feliciano didn't trust _him_, its because he's just scared that what happened with his brother would happen to him again... That would explain perfectly why he would seem afraid to do these kinds of things sometimes. It reminded him of what happened...

"L-Ludwig?" Feliciano muttered out in confusion. "D-did I d-do something wrong?"

"No! No, you've done nothing wrong I promise... It's just..." He trailed off, not knowing what to say.

"It's just what?" Ludwig shifted his eyes to look straight into his pools of brown.

"Feliciano... You know I would never hurt you, right?" Feliciano simply nodded in answer, so the german went on. "I just want to make sure you're OK with what I'm doing... I don't want to make you do anything you're not comfortable doing."

"Ludwig.. I don't mind." He admitted quietly, his blush deepening. "It's because it's you... I- I like you Ludwig. I like doing this with you." He confessed. Ludwig felt a smile tug on the corner of his lips.

"Really?" He asked, leaning his face closer to the boys so that their noses touched. Feliciano gave a small embarrassed nod. "Well, I like doing this with you too, Feliciano. A lot. And I like _you _a lot as well." Feliciano's brown eye widened, his heart that had been slamming against his chest suddenly stopping. He... Liked him back? How much? Was he joking? Since when? Why? So many question's arose in the boy's mind, but nothing seemed to be coming out of his mouth that was agape. He was just so _shocked_.

"Y-...you do?" Ludwig chuckled at the boy's reactions and pressed a gentle kiss to his nose.

"Do you really think I would be doing this if I didn't?" He asked, pointing out their current position. Feliciano simply shrugged. _Other people did even __**more **__then this when they didn't love him... _"Feliciano?"

"Mm?" The italian grunted.

"I-... Ich Liebe Dich." Feliciano's head cocked to the side as he gave the german a confused look.

"H-huh?" He asked, praying that the man hadn't said anything bad in his native tongue. He spoke absolutely no German what so ever, so he was very confused as to what he meant. Ludwig looked into the boy's eyes for a few moments, not sure what to do. He bit his lip in thought. He hadn't meant to actually say that out loud, it had just slipped out. He didn't know how the boy would react to that. Especially because it was already so soon...

"Nothing, Feliciano. Never mind. I-.. I'm going to go clean up." With that, he pulled away from the boy completely, leaving the bed and walking for the door. Feliciano opening his mouth to protest, a squeak only leaving his lips. _No-... Don't go! Please! _His heart felt like it was going to burst from his chest as tears stung the back of his eyes. His arm reached out to grab for the german's shirt, but his fingers just barely missed the cloth of his shirt. _No! Ludwig, Come back!_

_I..._

_I love you! Don't go!_

As Feliciano watched the German walk out of the door, he felt a single tear roll down his cheek. Why the hell was he crying? He was just going to be right back! Why was he getting so emotional over this? All he wanted to do what have a moment with him. To be able to lie in bed together wrapped in each other's warmth, exchanging soft kisses here and there, sweet words being whispered into his ear.. That's what he wanted. But no, he had to leave so suddenly. He was beginning to question if he had done something wrong..

_Damnit Feliciano, stop screwing things up!_

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**Alrighty, a bit of GerIta fluff to lighten the mood of the story. Damnit to I want to do some GerIta smut... But I wont. Not yet at least... *winky face*What about you? What do you think? ****Have an opinion? You know what to do.  
**


	13. Chapter 13

**OH MY GAWD I NEED TO GET BETTER AT UPDATING i KNOW I'M SO SORRY MY DEARS! Holy cow, the awesome comments/reviews/PM's I'm getting from you guys are AMAZING and I love it! You guys are so awesome! If you hadn't noticed, I actually have a cover image, drawn by the talented Rienmi. Thank you so much! And to thank you (even though I promised it anyway) here is finally the chapter you requested! I hope that it's satisfactory (even though I didn't go into full detail on all of it, I just kind of touched base on some parts). **

**But I hope that all of you like it. And if you do, I'm sure you're familiar with that lovely review button down at the bottom of the page~. If you have any questions, that's what it's good for too you know. Please enjoy, and I'll TRY to update sooner I swear. Don't kill me *hides behind brick wall***

**~Alice**

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It had been an entire week of Lovino's constant silence. He hadn't had a single outburst or said a single bad thing about anyone in quite some time, and the doctor wasn't sure to be pleased or worried. Yes, Lovino didn't seem violent or unstable, but it was almost as if he had been completely switched to off mode. He didn't speak _at all_, let alone have any outbursts. Not only was he refusing to speak, but he refused to do anything such as eat or sleep. All he did every day sit dead center in his room. The doctor would come check on him twice a day, try to coax him into eating, but it was all in vain. They had to go to the method back in the prison, force the nutritional liquid down his throat. Only, strangely, he actually complied. He didn't refuse it or spit it out, he simply let someone pour it down his throat.

It was when the doctor noticed the man's features when he truly grew concerned. His skin had paled to a noticeable degree, and he had thinned out quite a bit too. The doctor could see the hollows of his cheeks, and a dark bruise like color painted the underside of his eyes. The doctor was sure now that he had dropped into a depression.

But why? Was it just because he missed his younger brother? Did he feel _guilty _about what he did? Did he miss his old life? His boyfriend? The doctor just didn't know what to do.

And so he did the only thing he could think of. This time when he unlocked the heavy door and walked in, he didn't ask the italian questions, or try to talk to him about his feelings. He simply looked down at the man who was clawing at a patch of skin on his neck and said, "Come with me." The italian's hazel eyes flicked up to meet the doctors in surprise, but he still didn't move.

"Don't worry, you're not going anywhere bad. Just trust me, and come with me." He held out a hand for Lovino to take, but he only glared at it.

"Where are we going?" He asked, his voice thin and raspy.

"I'm taking you out into the common room." Lovino gave him a look of confusion.

"The-...the what?"

"I'm going to let you see other people. But for now, I'm limiting it to only people in this institution. You need to stop this madness of not doing _anything_. And if letting you out is what it takes, then I'm going to let you out." Lovino looked into his dark indigo eyes for a moment, before finally reaching up to grasp his hand. The doctor pulled him off of the floor and helped the wobbly man stumble out of the dark room. Lovino's eyes squinted at the bright florescent light as the man holding him led him down a short path of hallways and into a large, open room. There were several people in this room, and it didn't look like something you would expect to see in a mental asylum. People were conversing calmly, smiling and chatting to each other. Some were playing card games on tables, some were doing strange motions with their hands at each other as if using some sort of secret language with their hands. The only thing that looked out of the ordinary was a person or two talking to an invisible being thought to be in a chair next to them. But all over, this seemed to be a peaceful environment.

The doctor sat Lovino in a chair and looked down at him. "Now I'm going to bring you back in about an hour or so. Try to talk to people, but don't be rude. Understand?" The doctor said sternly, as if he was talking to a child. But Lovino only nodded, and watched as the doctor strolled away.

He looked around him at all of the unfamiliar people, not sure what exactly the doctor was expecting him to do. He decided to sit in a nearby chair, running his hand through his brown locks. Talk to someone? Talk to who?

"'Ello, chap." A voice strong with an english accent called from beside him. Lovino's head snapped to meet eye to eye with a young blonde man, who's eyes that seemed only inches away from him greener than emeralds. Lovino jumped back, startled by the sudden closeness of the man in front of him. This only brought forth a laugh from the obviously english man. "Sorry there, friend, did I give you a scare? Haven't seen you around here, so I just thought I'd come over an say 'ello." Lovino stared at the man in wonder.

"Um... Hi." He spoke.

"Mind if I sit here next to you?" He asked politely.

"I don't see why not.." Lovino muttered. The blonde sat next to the italian, and stared at him in thought. His eyes stayed glued to him, and though Lovino was trying his best to ignore it, it was beginning to get on his nerves.

"What do you want?!" He snapped.

"Oh, I was just wondering 's you're name?" Lovino stared at the man for a few moments before responding.

"Lovino Vargas." The englishman grabbed his hand and shook it forcefully.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Arthur Kirkland." Lovino rolled his eyes, pulling his hand away from Arthur and going back to looking at his surroundings.

"So whatever did you do to get yourself put in here, mm?" Arthur asked, trying to keep the conversation going.

"None of your fucking business, that's what!" Lovino growled, slowly growing annoyed with the englishman. Arthur grinned, leaning in to his ear.

"I'm in here 'cause they think I'm crazy. But I'm not crazy, you see. I just see things." This intrigued the italian, causing him to finally glance over to the brit.

"Oh really? Doesn't 'seeing things' make you crazy?" He asked. _Another one of these weirdos. Great._ He thought to himself.

"To be honest I'm not sure..." The blonde mumbled, offering a shrug.

"Well... What do you see?" Lovino asked out of curiosity. The smirk dancing across his lips instantly fell, and Arthur's entire demeanor seemed to change.

"I-... I don't want to talk about it." He mumbled. Lovino frowned.

"Is it that bad? I mean, it's just a hallucination, righ-"

"No!" Arthur snapped, his green orbs darkening with anger. "It's not a hallucination! It... it's real... It... " He rambled, and began to talk so low that Lovino could no longer understand his words. He let out a sigh, and rested a hand on his shoulder. God damn his curiosity that always got the better of him...

"Just tell me." Arthur looked up into his hazel eyes, and Lovino could say he was surprised when he noticed small tears gathering in the brit's eyes. Oh yeah, he was definitely bi-polar. He seemed so happy and cheerful just seconds ago. He seemed so.. Normal. But now...

"If you tell me what you did first." He ordered.

"You don't want to know. You'll have nightmares for weeks." Lovino growled, averting his gaze away from the emeralds.

"I already have them. Try me." A smirk grew on Lovino's lips, daring to glace back at him.

"You sure?" When Arthur nodded, he leaned in to his ear.

"I raped my own brother over and over and used his body to get money, sort of like a prostitute. But I like to take my anger out on him with sex. Last time I did it I almost killed him. Hell, I probably did, I don't know. But I cut him real bad... whipped him... Made him bleed so much. And why I did it? Who knows. He just pissed me off." Arthur's eyes widened as he slowly leaned away from the italian.

"O-oh.."

"See? I told you it would scare you." Lovino grumbled rolling his eyes. He was beginning to think that Arthur would leave when hearing the news, and he was almost _hoping _he would. He really wasn't appreciating the occasional fearful stares, and when Lovino would meet his gaze Arthur would turn his head away. _Yup, I scared the shit out of him._ After a few minutes of silence, Arthur finally glanced back at him.

"I see my mother being killed."

"What?"

"What I see. I used to see it every day. Makes me scream, it scares me so bad. They'd have to come in and sedate me so I wouldn't scream anymore. But I'd see it. Everyday. I'd see my Papa stab her... Like he did when I was a young lad... " He began to ramble again, his saddened expression taking over again. Lovino stared at the brit, raising an eyebrow. When Arthur finally calmed back down, he sighed and wiped the remains of the tears that threatened to stream down his face away with the back of his hand.

"You're a crazy motherfucker, ya know that?" Lovino muttered. Arthur snorted, seeming to go back to himself.

"Yeah? Well at least I'm not the fucker who _rapes _his own _family _when he's pissed off!" He shot back. Lovino was taken back by his sudden boldness. Nobody had ever talked back to him like that while he was here... Nobody ever snapped back at him like that _ever_. But he... He sort of liked it. Arthur didn't back down from him like the others did. Arthur seemed... Different. A smirk grew on his lips.

"I guess you're right. We're both crazy motherfuckers, aren't we?" Arthur chuckled.

"I guess."

"Hey Arthur?"

"Mm?"

"You're the first person I've actually gotten to talk to since I've been here. And.. Thanks. For not totally freaking out when I told you whats wrong with me." Arthur shrugged.

"There's always something wrong with everyone, that's my motto." Lovino rolled his eyes.

"That's a really weird motto." He grumbled, and Arthur chuckled.

"Well, it's not wrong is it?" After some thought, the italian shrugged.

"I guess not." Arthur let out another chuckle, finally wiping the last of his tears away.

"'Course it's not wrong. I said so."

"Whatever you say, weirdo." Lovino could almost swear he felt a smile dare try to sneak on to his face. But him? Smile? In a situation like this? No, it wasn't possible. He covered it with his usual scowl whilst the englishman continue to chuckle and giggle to himself.

"How how long have you been in here?" Arthur asked, trying to keep the conversation going. Lovino could only shrug.

"I dunno, a few weeks maybe? What about you?"

"I lost track after a year." Lovino's eyes widened, his mouth gaping open.

"A-... You've been in here for more than a _year_?" He asked in utter shock. Arthur nodded.

"Yeah, maybe a _few_ years... I lost track. I've been in here since I was... Um, let me think. Fifteen? Sixteen?" Lovino gaped at the man. Arthur looked young, but not any younger than _twenty_. To Lovino, he looked to be around his age. But if he had been in here since he was he was in his mid-teens...

"Yeah, I've been here for quite some time." Arthur grumbled. "All of the years that I've been here, and I haven't gotten _any _better."

"Really?" Lovino felt his heart begin to sink when he began to realize something. Arthur had been in for _years _and hadn't gotten any better... That meant that they would let him out until he _did_. And if he hadn't gotten _any _better in years, who was to say he would _ever _get better? That would mean he would never leave this god damned place...

What if they never helped Lovino get any better...

"Ello?" Arthur asked, waving a hand in front of the italian's face. Lovino blinked a few times before finally coming back to reality.

"Mm?"

"You alright there, chap?"

"Y-yeah... I'm fine." Lovino looked down into his lap, trying to push the thoughts out of his head. "So how long have you been allowed to walk around and talk to people?" Lovino asked.

"Only about two weeks... maybe less.. I honestly don't know. Something around that time."

"Only two weeks? And you've been in here for years? And you've only been able to talk to people for _two. Weeks_?!"

"Well this isn't the first time I've been let out to talk you see. If I have what they deem is 'good behavior', then I'm allowed to roam the asylum all I want. Within limits of course, but you know what I mean. But if they think I have _bad _behavior, then back to the padded cell for me." Lovino was shocked. Even _he _wasn't in a padded cell... And he seemed so much more unstable and violent than Arthur did. But he guessed you could never tell by looking at an insane person.

"What to they deem is 'bad behavior'." Lovino wanted to make sure he wouldn't end up in a padded cell while he was here. Ever.

"Well, common sense really-,"

"Are you calling me stupid?" Lovino growled, interrupting the brit. Deciding to tease the italian a little, a smirk grew on Arthur's lips.

"I will if you don't let me finish." Lovino scowled, but rolled his eyes.

"Just tell me already. I don't want to do whatever it is you're doing that makes them think you're so crazy." He shot back.

"Well as I was saying, it's really anything that can make them think you've gone _completely _insane. Like screaming and howling about someone who 'isn't there' in my case, or becoming so enraged that you attack someone for a reason they think doesn't exist." Lovino froze. When he... attacked the doctor a while ago. Did that count as "no reason"? But the doctor hadn't ever tried to take him anywhere different, so he guessed that was a relief.

"You definitely don't _ever _want to end up in that place, I'll tell you that much. They put you in a straight-jacket and just toss you in there for days, and they literally watch _Everything. You. Do_." Arthur explained. "Even in the bathroom. It's _horrible_."

"I can imagine." Lovino muttered with a sigh. He was sort of glad though that the brit had warned him of this fate. Now he knew to really make sure he watched his actions.

What the hell was he thinking? _Watching his actions._ Tch. He wasn't some kid in grade school being threatened with going to the principle's office. He was a grown ass man and would act whatever way he fucking wanted to.

Just... As long as he didn't end up in a padded cell and back in a straight-jacket.

"Ey, Lovino?" Arthur's voice broke through his thoughts once more.

"Mm?" His eyes shifted back over to the blondes, eying at his smile. The look on Arthur's face... For some reason, it brought back a familiar face in his mind. That warm smile, those soft features, those bright green eyes...

Green eyes...

"I just wanted to say that I've really enjoyed talking to you. Nobody here really ever wants to talk to me, so thank you for at least putting up with me." Arthur said softly. Lovino's could _hear _Arthur's words, but none of them seemed to register in his mind. He was too busy trying to come with the sudden feeling of emptiness in his chest. Those eyes.. They brought back a face he hadn't wanted to remember. The person's face who was one of the reason's he was in here. The one who, though he wasn't involved, took in upon himself to _become _involved. The one he used to love.. The one that used to love him...

_Antonio_...

"Alright, well friend, I think I'll be taking my leave now. I'll see you some other time I hope, friend. Farewell." Arthur waved, and soon fled from the italian's vision. But Lovino payed no attention to the leaving brit, nor could he focus his vision on him anyway. Tears had begun to swell in his eyes, blurring his vision as they threatened to spill over. He did his best to keep them from rolling down his cheeks, but the more he thought of Antonio, the more the invisible wall holding the salty tears back threatened to break.

_Why did he have to put me in this goddamned place?! Why couldn't he just take my side, understand that I was frustrated, stick with me, something! Instead he put me in this hell... Why?! I thought that he loved me! I thought I had actually found someone who loved me! If he really loved me, he wouldn't have done this to me, would he? Does that mean.. He __**doesn't **__love me? No.. He doesn't. He doesn't love me. He never loved me. He... He just made me think he loved me. Good for nothing asshole! You fucking bastard! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!_

Lovino had gotten so lost in thought that he had never realized the tears had begun to fall from his eyes. He rested his eyes in the bottom of his palms, sniffing as he wiped the river of tears streaming from his eyes. His mind had begun to twist his thoughts past where he even intended, his thoughts becoming darker and darker.

_I swear, Antonio. If I ever see you again I'm going to kill you for what you did to me... _

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**CLIFFHANGER BECAUSE IT'S LATE AND I NEED SLEEP SO SORRY! Bum bum BUUUUM Oh noes, Lovi why you think such things of toni?! What do _you _think is going to happen next? **_  
_

**You know what to do.  
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	14. Chapter 14

**DOJNFPEOIUNRF[SAEF SHUT UP I KNOW I KEEP LYING ABOUT UPDATING SOONER I'M SORRY DON'T KILL ME! Good lord, have I been having so many problems with writers block! Sheesh and when I don't have it I DON'T HAVE ANY FUCKING TIME TO WRITE! ... Ehem...**

**So anyways _THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DON'T READ THIS I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND STEAL YOUR SOUL._Alright, so I've opened up a poll (it's on my profile page) of what you guys want to happen between Lovino and Antonio. I've gotten so many different answers that I cant keep up with them, and it would just be so much easier to just make a poll! But PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! PLEASE vote on it! I really do need a large number that would make the majority of possible happy, so if you have any spare time, you know, why don't you clicky on my profile and vote, huh? I've added ones that people have suggested either by PM or review, and a few that were kinda like hey, why not? But please, I need your opinion for this story to move on.  
**

**Anyways, now that I'm done being whiny and ranty, I hope you enjoy this chapter. Guess what this entire chapter is because so many people have been begging for it and I've been wanting to do it since the dawn of this story? *coughGerItasmutcough*. But yeah, an entire chapter dedicated to GerIta goodness...  
**

**Please enjoy~. And vote. And Review. And vote.  
**

**~Alice.  
**

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"Ng... Ludwig..." Feliciano moaned lightly against the german's lips as he ran his fingers gently through his love's soft brown locks. Ludwig grunted, shifting the boy on his lap in a more comfortable position. "Ah-..." The boy groaned when he felt Ludwig grind his hips against his own growing erection.

"Feliciano..." Ludwig breathed against the boy's ear, his hand that wasn't busy beginning to slip into his shirt. He drew gentle circles on his hips, eliciting yet another quiet moan from the boy on top of him. Ever so slowly, the hand began to inch upwards on the boy's chest up to his stomach, to his chest, his fingers eventually brushing over his nipples.

"Ludwig~!" Feliciano squeaked, his entire body twitching upwards. Ludwig smirked, recapturing the italian's lips back into another passionate kiss as his fingers rubbed against the nubs gently. Ludwig was surprised when he felt the other's tongue shyly slide against his lips, but didn't hesitate to let it in.

_Oh God, how did we end up like this_? He thought to himself, but did so with joy. He wasn't exactly sure how it was they had gotten in this state, but he certainly wasn't complaining. As their tongues fought against each other in a passionate battle for dominance (which Ludwig won easily, mind you), he tried to think about what it was that had brought this on.

To start off, today had been the first day Ludwig had finally taken Feliciano out of the house. The boy had said that he was feeling _much _ better, and that he could walk around all he wanted.

_"Are you __**absolutely **__sure that you're going to be okay? If you're even the slightest bit in pain, tell me right now or-"_

_"Ve, Ludwig I'm fine! I feel so much better than before. I can walk around normally and everything!" Feliciano groaned, trying to pull the larger man out of the door. Though his efforts were fruitless, Ludwig began to inch himself towards the door. _

_"I'm serious, Feliciano. I don't want you to over do it." Ludwig huffed sternly as he slowly made his way out of the door. _

_"I wooooont!" Feliciano whined. He didn't think he had been this excited since he was a kid. He was finally going to be getting out of the house he was staying in, __**finally **__going to be able to walk around the town with Ludwig. He just couldn't wait... _

"A-ah~. Ludwig, p-please~!" Feliciano begged. The german had pulled the shirt over his head and was now sucking on one of his nipples and rolling the other between his index finger and thumb.

_They had walked around through the town for a little bit, hand in hand for more than half of the time which earned them plenty of stares. Ludwig only rolled his eyes as people non excepting glares bore through his skull. Not only was he holding he boys hand because he __**wanted **__to, but he wanted to make sure nobody else would touch him. Yes, it seemed over protective, but that's just how he was over the boy. He loved the boy, and he didn't want anything bad to happen to him._

"Ludwig!" He panted out, his hands snaking down the german's chest and down to the rock hard bulge tenting in the front of his pants. He wanted him to feel good too...

"Ng... Feliciano..." Ludwig groaned against the nipple as Feliciano began to palm him through his pants in a rough manner. A smirk grew on Feliciano's lips as he slowly unbuckled his belt as the older man continued to attack his nipples. Ludwig began to question how far the boy wanted to go with this...

_After a little while or so of walking, Ludwig had spotted a place he had been telling himself he needed to take the boy for a long time now. A barber shop. As Ludwig began to lead Feliciano in the different direction, he frowned and began to question where they were going all of a sudden._

_"I'm taking you to get a haircut. It looks like you need one..." Ludwig explained, running a hand through his hair like he did often and gave it a gentle ruffle. _

_"Oh, I guess you're right..." He muttered, walking into the small old-timey looking building without any objection. _

"F-fuck..." Ludwig growled, his head rolling back on his neck as Feliciano took his hardened length in his hand. He gave slow,_ painfully slow_, skilled strokes until Ludwig had become nothing more than a moaning mess. Feliciano was suddenly thankful he was skilled in doing this sort of thing to men. He knew just the way to drive them insane with Ecstasy. Even with only a hand. "Go... Go faster.." He ordered, his sky blue eyes nearly rolling in the back of his head as the boy did as he was told and pumped the shaft faster and faster with each stroke. He pressed his thumb against the tip gently, smearing some of the pre-cum that had begun to leak out. Ludwig let out a loud groan, a certain heat beginning to boil inside the bottom of his gut. "I-.. I'm going to cum soon if you keep doing that..."

"So cum..."Feliciano whispered against the german's ear. The boy's hot breath on his skin sent shivers up his spine, but Ludwig was to focused on the pleasure he was receiving from the italian above him.

"Wait.. Not yet..." Ludwig muttered, and the boy paused his actions. He swore it took every fiber in his being not to throw the boy under him and ram as rough and fast as he could into Feliciano's ass...

"What do you mean?" Feliciano asked softly, pulling away to look at the man in confusion. A crooked smile tugged at Ludwig's lips as he placed a gentle hand on the boy's cheek.

"You trust me, right?" He asked. Feliciano nodded quickly in response, and let out a squeak when he felt the german's lips pressed against his own once more.

_"You look great, Feliciano!" _

_"You really think so?" Feliciano asked, running a hand through his freshly cut and cleaned hair. It wasn't that much different from what he had before, it just looked much __**much **__neater and more well kept. Instead of laying messily in bunches of hair under his chin, it was all lengthened to the middle of his cheek and all in one length. It was shorter, yes, but he liked the look of shorter hair on him. He also smiled when he noticed that the lady had left his awkward curl alone, which was the only thing he had specifically asked for. Only now it seemed much more visible, but he thought it looked unique. _

_"Of course! Thank you very much, Miss." Ludwig turned to the hairstylist and quickly gave her the money so that they could leave and continue on with their day._

"L-Ludwig?" Feliciano panted out as they finally broke apart for air.

"Yes, Feliciano?"

"I..." A deep blush had crawled onto his face, painting the skin a dark crimson. "I w-want you to... I w-want to..." Ludwig smirked to himself as they boy grew more and more flustered as he tried to speak. Feliciano wanted to punch himself in the throat, hoping to get the words that were stuck there out and into the air. Ludwig pressed a quick, gentle kiss to the boys cheek and smiled.

"Are you sure?" Feliciano gave a slow, reassuring nod, followed by a smile.

"I want to... I want to do this with _you _Ludwig.." He sputtered out nervously. Ludwig sucked in a deep breath, before pressing his lips to the boys neck, sucking and biting gently on the smooth flesh. Feliciano gave out a small whimper, arching into his touch. Ludwig almost felt bad for his actions. The boy had just healed almost completely, most of the bruises had faded and scars healed by now. Most physical proof of what had taken place weeks ago gone... And here he was, only marking him more.

_"Come on, Feliciano. Let's head home, it's been a long day. Besides, I think it's about to rain." Ludwig reached for the boys hand once more and led the happy boy through the streets. _

_"Alright." Feliciano replied with a smile. He squeezed the man's hand tightly and stayed close to his arm. Ludwig had been right, and small drops of rain soon began to drizzle on them._

_"Damn, let's hurry. The car's right up there!" Ludwig exclaimed as the rain quickly picked up and became harder as each second passed. He wasn't so much worried about getting wet, he just didn't want the boy to get sick. Once they had finally reached his car, Ludwig began to rummage around in his pocket for his keys. Feliciano let out a small giggle as the german slowly grew frustrated, letting go of the boys hand to check every crevice of his trench coat. "God Damnit! I swear they were in here!" He growled out. Feliciano made a move to walk for the german, maybe to help him find what he was looking for. But as his jeans moved over his thighs , he felt something shift in his pocket. He pulled whatever it was he had out, and chuckled as he held his hand out for the man to see. _

_"Oh, I guess I had them. Ha, I guess you must have given them to me for some reason." Feliciano mumbled, handing the keys over to the german. Ludwig smirked, and took them from the boy. As he swung the door of the car open and leaned it to push the key into ignition, a thought shot through Feliciano's mind. A thought of something he had always wanted to do, something with the one he loved (and currently, his mind was telling him that Ludwig was the perfect person and __**now **__was a perfect time). Yes, it was cheesy, but that didn't stop him for reaching out to grab Ludwig's hand once more. Ludwig glanced back at the boy, and he pulled his body back closer to his own. _

_"Feliciano? Is something wrong?" Ludwig asked, resting a hand on his cheek. Feliciano sucked in a deep breath, and slowly snaked his arms up to wrap them around the taller man's neck. Leaning up on the tips of his toes so he could reach and pulling him down by his neck, he gently pressed his lips against the german's. Ludwig's eyes widened at the boy's actions. He was beginning to pray to his god that nobody was in the parking lot and would see them (and was also thankful that they were behind the door of his vehicle). But it only took his brain a split second to say __**fuck it**__, and wrapped his arms tightly around the younger one's waist. Leaning his face down more as to reach better, he kissed Feliciano in a soft, gentle manner. The kiss was something Feliciano wasn't expecting. Yes, he was hoping it would be nice, but this was __**so much more**__ than what he had intended. It was so full of affection, emotion, tenderness, __**love**__. That was the word he was looking for. His knees grew weak, and he leaned into Ludwig's tight embrace, hoping it would be enough to keep him on his feet. _

Ludwig placed three of his fingers in front of his mouth, and without any other order or word from him, Feliciano took the fingers into his mouth. He had been through this before, he knew what to do. He swirled his tongue around the digits, making sure to coat them with as much saliva as possible. He knew how big Ludwig's member was, and he knew it would hurt like absolute hell if he wasn't prepared yet. Once the german deemed his finger's wet enough, he pulled them out of the italian's hot mouth with a "pop" noise. He brought them down to his bottom, and looked into Feliciano's eyes for any sign of hesitation, doubt, or regret. But Feliciano only offered a smile, and Ludwig went on. He pressed his large index finger at his entrance, prodding it, testing the waters if you will. Feliciano let out a small whimper, but didn't try to pull away in any manner. He finally thrust his entire finger into the tight hole, and Feliciano squeaked. Yes, he had done this _several _times before now, but he hadn't done it in such a long time that he had forgotten how strange of a feeling it was. Ludwig slowly pulled out the finger, and pushed it in again only this time a bit faster.

Ludwig knew this wasn't anything new to the boy, but he wanted to be absolutely sure he wasn't hurting the boy at all. He wanted the boy's trust. He didn't want this to remind him of his past life in any way. And so he did his best not to hurt the boy in any way or over step any boundaries.

After a few moments of thrusting the single digit in, he eventually pushed in another. Feliciano let out a loud groan, this one always hurt more than the first. But he knew that it would only be so much worse if this entire thing wasn't done, and so he did his best to fight through it.

"Are you alright?" Ludwig asked in a hushed tone against his ear. Feliciano bit his lip and nodded.

"Y-yeah.. I just forgot how this felt.." He murmured. As his body slowly adjusted to the intrusion, Ludwig went to work on finding that spot he knew would cause the boy to see stars, hoping that would alleviate some of the pain. He reached deep inside the boy, twisting and stretching his fingers as far as they would go inside the boy. Feliciano on the other hand was trying to hold back the whimpers and moans that wouldn't stop coming from his throat from the pain-mixed pleasure he was receiving. After a few more moments, Ludwig finally forced in the third. A loud, sharp cry escaped the boys lips as his body tensed up as the intrusion in his hole grew. He clenched desperately to the german's shoulders, squeezing them tightly and hoping to bring his mind to other thoughts.

"Shh, you have to relax. It will be over soon, I promise." Ludwig reassured, pressing another soft peck to his cheek.

"I-I kn-know... It j-just... Hurts..."

"Do you want me to stop?"

"... No..." Ludwig thrust as gently as he could into the boy, continuing his search for the boy's sweet spot. Finding that searching in the same area wouldn't to him any good, he decided to press his fingers forward a bit. _It has to be here somewhere...-_

"Aaaaahhhh!~" Feliciano cried, tears pricking his eyes as they clenched shut, tossing his head back. Ludwig smirked. _Found it. _He thrust his fingers in at a slightly quicker pace, aiming to strike that same spot over and over again. He could feel Feliciano's muscles tighten around his digits, and knew this was a good thing as he heard the sweet sounds of his strangled moans and pants entering his ears.

"*Io vado a-*" For a moment, Feliciano was so lost in Ecstasy he had forgotten how to speak english. He was just so close to his release his brain couldn't think of anything. But just when he thought he was going to go over the edge, Ludwig had pulled out his fingers, earning a whine in protest. Ludwig chuckled, situating himself into position under the boy.

"Don't worry, I'm not done. You ready?" He asked. Feliciano nodded frantically, wishing that the german would just plunge into him already.

_"Go ahead and sit down while I go and put these in the dryer." Ludwig offered, pulling off his trenchcoat along with Feliciano's soaked jacket. Feliciano nodded, and did as he was told and sat on the couch. He began to fidget with his thumbs as he waited awkwardly for the german to return. He wasn't sure why, but something was really nagging at him in the back of his mind. Ever since that kiss outside the car, the only thing on his mind had been doing... things with the man. He mentally slapped himself for thinking of such things, but for some reason he just __**couldn't **__get it out of his mind. He honestly thought he was going to have to hold himself back from pouncing on the man like a wild animal. For god sakes, he was a boy in __**high school**__! Yes he had urges, but there was no way that Ludwig would allow anything like that to happen, especially is he were to pounce on him. _

_"Alright." Ludwig announced, snickering as he saw the boy jump nearly a foot into the air off of the cushion. "Relax, it's just me." He chuckled, rubbing the boy's shoulder's gently. Feliciano forced a smile, and Ludwig went around to the couch to join him. Feliciano stared down at his lap awkwardly, still trying to avoid thinking about the events constantly running through his mind..._

_"Feliciano? Are you okay?" Ludwig asked, frowning as he realized how quiet the boy was. Feliciano nodded, his brown eyes finally flicking up to meet with the german's. _

_"I'm fine." Another forced smiled. _

_"Is this about the kiss?"_

_"H-huh?" Feliciano asked, dropping his smile._

_"I mean... Was that okay with you? Do you regret doing it?"_

_"No! Of course not! Wh-why would I regret it? I was the one who did it!" Feliciano exclaimed. Ludwig shrugged. _

_"You seem like something is bothering you... So was just wondering if that was it." _

_"N-no.. I... I just..." He stammered, not knowing what to say. Should he tell him? What should he do?_

_"If there's something bothering you, you can just tell me." Ludwig said calmly. Feliciano looked up into Ludwig's eyes and sucked in a deep breath. Pulling every bit of courage he had inside his body, he leaned closer to the german and crashed his lips against his once more. Ludwig's eyes widened in surprise, but a smirk grew on his lips. Kissing the boy back roughly, he quickly pulled the boy onto his lap. _

"L-Ludwig, p-p-please!" Feliciano begged, wriggling his ass against Ludwig's throbbing erection.

"Alright, but remember to relax." Ludwig whispered against the shell of his ear as he positioned the boy's hips above him. As slowly and gently as he could, he eased the boy onto his shaft. Feliciano clenched his eyes shut, his body instinctively trying to shove the foreign object out. He let out a shrill squeal, squeezing tightly on the german's biceps for support. His breaths came in quick, short and rapid stung his eyes as the pain of being so full suddenly shot through him. Ludwig kissed away the hot tears that ran down his cheeks, hoping to distract him at least a bit from the pain.

"Shh.. It's okay.. It's going to be okay.." He hushed, rubbing gentle circles on his hip with his thumb. Feliciano bit down hard on his lip and nodded. He knew how this worked. He had been through this pain _many _times before, only the other people he had done this with weren't quite so... filling.

"I know... I know..." He grunted. After a few moments, Ludwig finally pulled the boy over the rest of his throbbing erection, only getting yet another squeal. He had to use every bit of strength in his body not to just pound into the boy's tight hole right then and there. But he knew how much it would hurt the boy, and kept himself from doing so. Instead, he simply stayed put and waited for the boy to adjust to his size.

After what seemed like an eternity for both of them, Feliciano finally began to wiggle his hips against the cock. "I-it's okay now. It's d-doesn't really hurt anymore..." He mumbled, his grip on the older man's arms loosening slightly. Ludwig grunted, and grabbed the boys backside and hips to pull him up and off of his cock, only to bring him down all of the way a second later. Feliciano let out a squeak, burying his head in the crook of Ludwig's neck. Ludwig repeated this action again and again, keeping a slow but steady rhythm in his actions. Feliciano's small squeaks and whimpers soon turned into soft moans, slowly growing louder and louder as the german began to thrust his hips up to smack against his, his cock somehow going deeper inside then before. Feliciano let out what could pass for a scream, throwing his head back as the sound of wet skin slapping against skin filled both of their ears, joining the sounds of their moans as well. A thin coat of sweat already slicked both of their bodies.

Not wanting to put all of the work on Ludwig, Feliciano began to move his hips as well, bringing his hole back up to the tip and then slamming down as far as possible. Ludwig thought all of the air was being sucked from the room, he just couldn't focus on breathing with all the pleasure he was feeling. _Breath in you dumbass_ his brain told him, but he just couldn't do it. All he could think about was slamming his hips up in to the boy as deep as possible. He was already so close to his release, he could feel it bubbling up in his gut. He reached his hand down, hoping to quicken Feliciano's release as well and began to pump his shaft along with his thrusts.

Feliciano swore he saw stars. There was just so much going on, his prostate was being viciously attacked, his ass was being completely stuffed and his weeping cock was being pleasured as well. He didn't know if he could take it for much longer...

"L-L-Ludwig... I-... I-'m going to... G-going to..."He couldn't even finish his sentence, a moan interjected before he could.

"I know.. I am too..." Ludwig huffed out. He was running out of breath, but he didn't care. He let out as many grunts, pants, moans, growls as he wanted.

"O-oh God, Ludwig!" Feliciano cried, and the german could feel the younger's walls tighten around his cock. With one finally thrust aiming directly for his prostate, almost with the intent to _bruise _it with how rough it was, he released deep inside of him. With one final scream, Feliciano came as well, his own cum splattering over their stomachs. Feliciano collapsed onto Ludwig, taking in deep gulps of sweet air into his burning lungs. Ludwig did the same, pulling the boy in to a tight hug as well. Their sweat slicked bodies pressed tightly against each other, both could feel each others chests rising and falling from taking in so much air.

Ludwig.. His mind had went to a blank. He didn't know _what _to think. He didn't think he could. His brain had melted in to a mush. So far up in a high of Ecstasy, he was just so... _happy_. He felt absolutely _amazing_. He had just done something absolutely amazing, with the one he loved none the less. He just prayed and prayed the boy felt the same...

Feliciano on the other hand, his body had gone in to a fit of trembles. His body shook violently and he was breathing,- no, wheezing so hard not just from being exhausted from the sex, but from the sickening feeling pooling inside of his gut.

_Oh God.. What have I done?_

* * *

_***Io Vado a- "I'm going to-..." In Italian.**  
_

**Anywho, I REEEALLY hoped you dears enjoyed this! Remember to vote on the poll. Please.. Vote. If you're going to do ANYTHING, even if it isn't reviewing/favoriting/ alerting (which of course I still want you to do!) if anything please do that! I really need your opinion. Thank you guys SO SO SO much for reading and staying with me this long, your support just means so much to me (I've recently hit over 6000 HITS! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?! YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING!) Thank you so much.  
**

**O****h and of course, don't forget to revie_w._**

**__Until next time~.  
**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hola, mi amigos! (when did I learn spanish? Of wait.. I don't) Anyways, gosh its been such a long time I know and I'm sorry TT^TT. I know I use this excuse all the time but seriously with school I have NO time to write anymore. But I've been sick recently, so i've had a wee bit more time to write. **

**So with the polls, I'm going to close it very soon because now it seems pretty clear what you guys want from me XD I also know how I'm going to work this out. But there's still time! PLEASE go vote if you haven't already!  
**

**So! I'll leave you to the story~. Don't forget to review ( they make me so happy and feel better :3). Thank you all so much for everything you've done so far!.  
**

**~Alice.**

* * *

Ludwig held the boy gently in his arms, rubbing his fingers deep and soothingly into the skin of his back as he waited for his breathing to slow back to normal. His own breaths had at last calmed back down to normal, but Feliciano's breath still seemed as ragged as before. He was beginning to question if he was okay, his breaths seemed a bit more shallow than they should have been, and when he would take in air a slight whistling noise could be heard. The whistling was what began to concern him. Was he _wheezing_? Did he have asthma or something? Did that irritate it? Was he having chest pain? What was wrong?!

"Feliciano? Are you okay?" He asked, loosening the grip around him so he could pull him away to caress his face gently with the back of his hand. But Feliciano didn't speak, or answer in any way. It was when he finally got a good look at the boy that he truly grew concerned. His body seemed to be shaking violently. His cheeks were soaked and his eyes were full of tears that threatened to continue. His cheeks were flushed and he sucked in hard through his nose as fluid seemed to be running from it as well. Ludwig's blue orbs widened, suddenly terrified. He wasn't crying, no. He was doing so convulsively "Feliciano?! What's wrong?" He asked gripping the boys shoulders and looking dead into his eyes. But Feliciano refused to look back at him. He only shook his head and did his best to bite back the tears. Though his efforts didn't work, it only made Ludwig even more worried. "Feliciano please! Is it what we did?! Did I go to far? What did I do wrong Feliciano? Please tell me!" He cried frantically, shaking the boy back and forth by his shoulders.

"You didn't do anything wrong!" Feliciano finally screamed, freezing the worried german.

"Then what's wrong?" He asked, his grip slowly becoming not as tight. Feliciano shook his head, wiping his eyes and nose with the base of his palms, not wanting to answer. "Do you regret what we did? Be honest." He asked sternly, as if scolding a child. Feliciano's only answer was a shake of the head along with a few sniffles. "Are you in pain?"

"N-not th-that m-m-much..."

"So why are you crying?! I can't just keep guessing you have to tell me!" Feliciano's breath hitched over and over again in a sequence as he sniffed again. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand yet again, and tried his best to spill somewhat coherent words from his lips.

"Y-you'r-re going t-to.. th-think I'm a wh-whore ag-gain...I d-don't want y-you to look-k at me th-the way... everyone else that d-did this t-to me did... J-just a sex t-toy..." He sputtered out, hiding his face in his hands the best he could. Ludwig could only sit there, frozen in place as the boy spoke his feelings. He... He actually was worried about something like that? Feliciano really thought Ludwig was that much of an asshole to take an advantage of him like that? Ludwig wasn't sure if he should laugh at how ridiculous the boy's presumption was, or be horribly hurt by it. Instead, when he saw the boy try to cover up and hide from him, he grabbed the boy's wrists gently and pulled them away.

"_That's _why you're so upset?!" Feliciano gave a small nod, and wiped his eyes on his bony shoulder. Ludwig closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. Sliding his hands from his wrists to his shoulders once more, he have them a gentle squeeze.

"L-Ludwig?"

"Feliciano, I want you to listen to me. I want you to listen to me so well that you will never even doubt my words ever again, understand?" He said lowly, almost to the point that the boy couldn't hear him. But Feliciano gave another nod, and Ludwig continued with a sigh. He moved his hands again, sliding each onto where his cheeks and jaw connected, cupping his face in his hands. "Feliciano Vargas,_ I. Love. You. _I mean that. You're the person I want to be with for the rest of my life. I don't see you as a whore, or as a used body, or any kind of sexual object like those other men might have. They didn't love you, _I do_. I won't ever do anything that I know will hurt you, or make you upset, or make you uncomfortable. I'm making that promise to you now. So if doing what we did made you uncomfortable in any way, or made you doubt me, I am _**so**_, _so _sorry. And if you don't feel the same way, then alright. I'll respect that. But I want you to know how I feel and how serious I am about this. I won't ever do anything to hurt you, and I'm _sorry _if I already have. "

Feliciano felt more tears swell up in his eyes. Just when they had stopped too... His heart felt as if it had stopped beating all together and like it was about to burst inside his chest.

God dammit! Why were Ludwig's words eating his heart from the inside out? They seemed to get into the tiniest of cracks and tear it apart... But why? Why were his words doing such a thing to him?! They were only words... Kind words at that. Was it the meaning behind them that made them so emotional? Was it the truth in his words as he spoke? Feliciano didn't think he had ever heard those kinds of words before. Nobody had ever treated him like this, cared so much about him, been so worried about hurting him, admitted to _loving _him. No, not a single person in the world had ever done such a wonderful thing for him. Maybe that's why such simple words meant to much to him.

Without thinking, Feliciano threw his arms around the german's neck and clung to him tightly, letting the dam of tears break once again. Ludwig couldn't understand what was happening... Why was Feliciano crying again?

"What's wrong now?" He asked quietly, running a soothing hand through his soft brown locks.

"N-nothing's wr-wrong... I j-just... I'm j-just so happy..." Feliciano wailed into the german's neck. Man, did he want to hit himself for how much of a girl he sounded like... But he just couldn't help it. He was just so filled with emotions all of a sudden he just didn't know _what_ to do. Ludwig let out a low chuckle, clutching the boy in his arms tightly. He rubbed his hand up and down his back soothingly, waiting for him to calm down. And at last, he did.

"Alright, better?" Ludwig asked, and Feliciano nodded, pulling away from his grip. When he let out a yawn and stretched out his arms over his head, Ludwig realized how late it really was. Shit, he had to work tomorrow too... Oh well. At least he knew he'd sleep well tonight. "Come on, let's go to bed." He moved the boy off of his lap with ease and began to search for the scattered discarded clothing. Feliciano let out a squeak when his shirt was tossed his way, and soon his pants and boxers were flung at him as well. He knew Ludwig wasn't doing it to be mean, just to tease him a little. And hey, he had his clothes back, didn't he?

Feliciano then began to debate whether or not to put on _all _of the clothes he was just given. They were about to sleep, right? So.. Did he really need to put on his _jeans_? Would Ludwig mind if he slept in his boxers and a shirt? Or would he find it odd... He rolled his eyes at himself (a habit he had learned from his fratello). He sounded so ridiculous, debating on such things.

His eyes roamed over to Ludwig, who was clad in boxers himself and was making his way to the bedroom in only that. Feliciano flushed for a moment... It was obvious to him then that he wouldn't mind... He pulled on his own undergarment without giving it another thought, doing the same with his shirt afterward. But it was when he went to stand up, a pain all too familiar to him shot through his backside. He suppressed a whine, doing his best to make his way to catch up with Ludwig.

Ludwig could hear the boy grumbling under his breath and turned to glance at him. But when he noticed his slight limp that he was tragically failing at trying to hide, a pang of guilt shot through him. _Crap.. Was I really that hard on him? What if I hurt him again like his brother had.. Shit, you idiot! Why did you have to do that?! _He screamed at himself in his mind. He let out a sigh, and without warning picked up the boy bridal style in his arms. Ignoring Feliciano's frightened shriek, he continued his way back into his bedroom.

"Wha-..."

"I didn't know you'd have trouble walking. I'm trying to help." Ludwig explained, and opened the door. Dumping the boy back onto the bed, he flopped in next to him and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead before clutching him in his arms and almost instantly falling into the best sleep he had in weeks. Feliciano merely smiled, cuddling closer to the man as his mind drifted elsewhere, his subconscious mind imagining future possible situations. _You know, I wouldn't mind doing this again... _He thought to himself. _Only with Ludwig of course. I never want to do this with anyone else. Only with him. I think I might really love him..._

* * *

"Lovino?" The doctor called into the dark room as he slowly pushed open the heavy door.

"What the hell do you want?" The italian snapped, looking up from the ground he was so infatuated with. The doctor could only smirk.

"Well I see you're speaking again. That's always good news, even if your mouth is just as foul and rude as before." He teased.

"What the hell did you just say to me?!" Lovino growled. The taller man chuckled, firmly locking the door behind him.

"Oh hush, I was only teasing."

"What the hell do you want anyways." Lovino rolled his hazel eyes.

"I'm only checking on you, making sure you're alright and everything's okay."

"It's not 'ok'. I'm so fucking bored." He groaned. The doctor chuckled.

"I know, I know."

"Is there _anything _I can do?" He asked. At this point, he was almost desperate enough to actually talk to the doctor about anything. Even his feelings...Well, no. "Can't I go back out to the big room and talk to Arthur or something?" The doctor sighed.

"Lovino you've been out three times this week. That's all I can allow for now." The doctor hated having to tell him this. Whenever it came to Arthur, Lovino's eyes would light up like a little kid in a candy store. He was glad, and a little surprised to be honest, to say that Lovino had seemed to have found what most would call a friend in Arthur. Though Arthur's condition was just as bad as Lovino's, he was happy that he could get along (even a little) with _someone_. Even if that someone was just as much of a trouble maker as he was, another bi-polar, and just as crazy... Maybe that's why they were so compatible and wanted to talk to each other so often.

"So what _can_ I do?"

"There is one thing you can do, but I'm not so sure you'll want to do it."

"It's not more of your stupid therapy bullshit, is it?"

"No, no. But it does involve doing something you might not want to do it." Lovino glared into the doctors skull.

"What. Is. It." He demanded. He swore if the doctor didn't just hurry up and tell him what would make him not bored he was going to-

"I want you to write a letter to your brother." Lovino's mind froze, threats and all, as the doctor spoke.

"H-..huh?"

"Not a real one, and I wont actually send it to him if you don't want me to. But I want to to write him a letter. Tell him what you want to, how you feel, ask him questions, pretend as if I really were to send it to him, and he were to respond. Try to imagine in your mind how he would feel and respond to it if he really were to read it. Or if you want, you can even write to you boyfriend. What was it, Antonio? You could write to him as well." Lovino blinked a few times in shock, and his face then turned ino a scowl.

"This _is _another one of your stupid therapy-type shits, isn't it?" He growled.

"Do you want something to do or not?" Lovino let out an annoyed groan.

"_Fine_." He spat. "But what the hell am I supposed to write with?"

"If you'll be patient with me, I'll run and grab some paper and a pen for you. Sit tight." The doctor then proceeded to exit the door, and when he was gone Lovino rolled his eyes like an annoyed child. Why the hell was he doing this again? Oh yeah, he was bored as fuck and tired of doing absolutely nothing. Within seconds, the doctor was back with what he had promised: Paper and a pen. He offered it out to the italian, and Lovino snatched it away in a rude manner.

"_Thanks_." He sneered, hoping he was going to leave him alone for this.

"Alright, well, I'll leave you to it. I'll come back to check on you in a little while. Sound good?"

"Whatever." The doctor let out a low chuckle, and locked the heavy door behind him. Lovino's eyes finally landed on the tools in front of him. Write to his brother... What the hell was he supposed to write about? His boring ass life in this hell hole? Yeah right, nobody would want to know about that, let alone his little brother. It would probably only make the pathetic, weak hearted little thing cry. And a little voice in the back of his mind was telling him that he didn't want to do that.

He didn't want to make Feliciano cry? Then what _did _he want him to do? Make him feel bad for him? Pity him? Hell no. So what? Make him think everything was going alright? Yeah right, that would be the lie of the century. So what the hell was he supposed to write about? He let out yet another loud groan. This was going to be harder than he thought. This whole idea seemed so stupid... Wasn't this the kind of shit girls did when the tried to get over their ex?

Swallowing whatever pride he had left, he put the pen onto the paper and began to write whatever had come to mind.

**Hey Feli.**

He scribbled. He rolled his eyes. No, that seemed to nice, to friendly. It's not like Feliciano was his best fried or anything. This was his own little brother. But he rolled his eyes. He had already written it down in pen, so he might as well continue right? It's not like he was actually going to send it or anything.

**Um.. I don't really know what the hell I'm supposed to write to you. How I'm doing? What it's like in here? As if you'd want to know how miserable I am in this stupid place. This place is just... It reminds me alot of the prison. Only more, comfortable? Dare I say? I doubt those are the right words. But they watch almost everything I do, this doctor person is always trying to get me to talk to him. But really, the only person I ever want to talk to my feelings about is you. Don't you dare laugh. But it's true. You're always so nice about it. You always hug me and tell me its going to be okay, even when I know it isn't. But anyway, they feed me decently. It's not your or Antonio's food, but it sure beats whatever mushy shit they forced down my throat in the prison. I really want to get out of here. I want to see people again. Even though the only people I really know are you and Antonio. Oh, speaking of people, I finally got to meet someone in here. His name is Arthur. Some British Looney-bird who always talks about.. I dunno, seeing his mom get killed or something? I don't know. But I told him about what.. I did to you. And he didn't freak out surprisingly. He actually was accepting about it and wasn't all terrified of me after I was done. He's not a bad guy. I mean, yeah he's crazy as hell, but he isn't a bastard. He isn't annoying or anything. And he doesn't try to get me to "talk about my feelings" or anything. I get to see him all the time, and I kinda wish I could see him more often. But oh well, the damn doctor doesn't let me out of my "room" (though it's more like a jail cell) for more then a few times a week. He says I'm too violent to be around people or something. Whatever though.**

**Look... About what happened. I... I'm... Look, I won't ever do anything like that again when I get out alright? Yeah, selling you to those guys was really the easiest way for me to make money, but the doctor's helped me realize that that wasn't right (did I really just say the doctor helped me?). He also told me to just get a real job for money, not use you. So that's what I'm going to do when I get out. **

There was something... Something he wanted to write. Something he really wanted to get off his chest that he felt like his brother needed to hear. But for some reason he _just. couldn't. Do it_. He just couldn't write whatever words they were onto the page. And so he went on.

**I'm going to do a lot of things differently when I get out. I know that you're probably not going to be living with me anymore, but.. I want to do things that will make you like me. Not just pretend to like me because I'm your fratello, but like **_**me **_**as a person. I want you to not be afraid of me anymore. I don't want to hurt you anymore. And.. I want you to know that... Every time I hurt you, it wasn't your fault. I didn't hit you because I don't like you, Feliciano. I hurt you because.. I didn't know who to take it out on. I was always so angry, not at you, just at life. And because you were right there, well, I guess I just took it out on you. And those other things I did to you... You know,.. like when I used your body myself? I.. I don't know why I did that. I don't know why I did such a horrible thing. I guess what I'm trying to say is... I... I'm... I mean... I'm sor**

He blinked a few times, not knowing when exactly it was that tears had begun to form in his eyes. Small droplets fell from his eyes and stained the paper, even smearing some of the pen. Why the was he crying?! Why was his heart beating so fast. Looking over what it was he had written so far, anger began to bubble up inside of him. He had begun to be so nice.. so soft... He gave another glance to the last sentence he had started. _**I'm sor**_

In his blind frustration, he crumpled the paper violently in his hand and threw it as hard as he could, along with the pen, somewhere to the other side of the room. There was no way in hell he'd continue like that. As if he'd really change. _That wasn't me writing _He convinced himself. _That was just... Me trying to seem nice so the doctor will let me out sooner. That was just... All a lie. Yes. That's it. A lie. Everything. I'm not going to change, I'm not going to treat him better. I'm not going to stop doing what I did._

_And I'm sure as hell not going to apologize._


	16. Chapter 16

**Hello there darlings, I'm here to bring you yet another chapter! I also realized something that I just thought was kind of funny... The acronym for this story is Finland's human name XD Funny huh? No? Just me? Fine then.. ****  
**

**So um, I really don't have anything else to say beforehand other than the fact that I've closed the poll now, so it's no longer an option. I'm not going to announce what's going to happen, you'll have to figure it out when we get there :3.  
**

**So without further adieu (?), I give you chapter.. holy hell it's already chapter 16? Please remember to review! They are always much appreciated!  
**

**~Alice  
**

* * *

"I can't wait till they let me out of this fucking place." Lovino groaned, running his hand through his overgrown brown locks. Arthur only snorted in response.

"We all do, dumbarse. You're not the only one."

"I know I know. And don't you dare_ ever _call me a dumbass again." Lovino growled, looking at the brit with daggers in his gaze. Arthur flinched, not liking the look that he saw behind the italian's hazel eyes. He was actually beginning to scare him...

"What's wrong with you, you seem a lot more on edge then usual." He asked in concern. A sigh from Lovino.

"It's... It's nothing."

"Obviously it's something. Come on, you know you can talk to me. I tell you what's on my mind you should tell me what's on yours." Arthur coaxed, laying a hand on his shoulder. Lovino glared at it, and shook it off.

"Stop trying to act like my therapist, your not." He grumbled, ripping his gaze away from the brit's.

"Is he the problem?" Another sigh from Lovino.

"He's always trying to push into my brain, make me think about things I don't want to think about. Making me feel ways I don't want to feel..."

"Like things about your brother?" Arthur interjected. Lovino shrugged.

"I guess."

"Well, come on then. You've already gotten this far. I'm your friend, Lovino I want to know what's going on with you. Tell me whats wrong." Arthur just kept pushing and pushing, hoping that eventually Lovino would get his point that he just wanted to help. After a few more moments of silence, Lovino sucked in a deep breath.

"The doctor... The doctor told me to write a letter to my brother the other day. And because I had absolutely nothing else to do, I did it. I wasn't even really paying attention to what I wrote, I just kinda let my hand move to whatever nonsense was going on in my brain, you know? So as I was writing, I guess something I wrote started making me really emotional and I... I started... Crying." Arthur looked at him with a blank expression, blinking a few times in surprise. That's it, he could hold it in any more. It started off as the tiniest of giggles, then grew into a chuckle, then a laugh, then soon he was howling away. Lovino let out an enraged growl.

"What the hell is so fucking funny?!" He snapped, doing everything he can not to punch the man in front of him (for he knew that would only make his situation that much worse).

"I'm sorry- hahaha hehee-, I just... Haha, I don't see you as the kind of man who-hahaha- cries about _anything_." He snickered. "I'm so terribly sorry chap. I don't know what came over me. By all mean's, please continue."

"I don't know if I want to anymore." Lovino insinuated under his breath.

"No no, I swear I wont laugh anymore. I'm terribly sorry, friend. Please, continue." Lovino only rolled his eyes again.

"Whatever. Anyways, after I started... Getting emotional... I re-read what I had written so far. And then I, I guess I got mad at myself. I was halfway through writing 'I'm sorry' on the damn page. I got so frustrated that I crumpled it up and threw it to the other side of the room along with the pen." He finished explaining.

"Goodness, friend, why did you get frustrated? You were just about to apologize-,"

"That's why I was frustrated!" Lovino barked, causing the brit to jerk away at his sudden movement. "I don't want to apologize!" Arthur sucked in a deep breath, before patting his friend's knee.

"Look, what I'm about to say might frustrate you, or anger you more, but I want you to listen to what I'm going to say." Lovino gave a small nod of approval, and Arthur went on. "Look, friend, there's nothing wrong with wanting to apologize. Feeling bad for what you did is completely normal. As a matter of fact, you damn well _should _want to apologize! What you did was a bad thing! You should apologize to your brother for what you did the next time you have the chance. I think if you do that, then you wont be tormented with feeling bad anymore. You won't feel... Guilty anymore. That's all it is. Guilty conscience. That's my advice." Arthur concluded with a nod. Lovino was taken back by his words. Not by the fact that he had tried to say he was wrong about what he felt, but the fact that what he said was true. Maybe if he did make things better with Feliciano, then he wouldn't be tortured by the constant argument in his mind. That would get rid of the problem wouldn't it? Wait...

That was it.

"You know, Arthur, you're right." Lovino finally spoke, patting the brit's shoulder. Arthur raised a blond brow, suddenly curious as to why his demeanor had changed so quickly. Yes, he was glad that the italian man had agreed with him... But he would have expected some sort of smart-arsed comment. Lovino's emotion's seemed to have changed... Too quickly.

"You really think so?" Arthur asked, suddenly in an odd way worried at the expression plastered on the italian's face. On his features was something Arthur had never recalled seeing Lovino have: A large, cheesy, crummy happy-go-lucky, ear to ear grin. But why did that concern him.

"Yes! I can't wait until they'll let me take visitors! I want to see my fratellino now. So I can show him and tell him how I feel. Then I'll feel better like you said right?" Arthur was a bit taken back now.

"Y-yes, I mean at least I hope so. My, you sure are excited about this, aren't you?" Arthur's emerald eyes widened as he listened to Lovino chuckle in response.

"Of course! I want to make things up with him as fast as possible, don't I?"

"R-... Right."

"Lovino?" He heard a man's voice call out from the other side of the room. Lovino's grin grew as he stood up from his seat, grabbing his hands as he stood in front of the brit.

"Thank you so much, Arthur. I know exactly what I'm going to do now. I'll see you next time!" He slid his hands away, almost skipping out of the brit's sights. Oh God, what had gotten into him all of a sudden? There was just no way he was so over joyed about such simple advice. In fact, he was actually surprised that he hadn't begun to yell at him for saying what he did. Not that he would have minded, he was used to Lovino's harsh words. Arthur had gotten used to them. They were just words right? Besides, thinking about what the poor man had been through, it was only natural that he would be so frustrated all the time right? Poor man.

Lovino had told him about his tragic childhood: The neglect from his parents, watching as his little brother was constantly praised in front of him while his parents did nothing even as to spit in his direction, _when he was kidnapped_... Oh goodness, all of the awful things that poor man had to go through at such a young age... Then again, he had done those exact same things to his younger siblings...

But in an odd way, Arthur could understand why he did what he did. No, that made it sound like he thought it was acceptable... No, I understand why he felt the way he did about the younger Vargas. Yes, that sounded muh better. Lovino had to grow up watching as the younger was practically worshiped in front of him, of course he would be angry at him. He was so blinded by his rage that he actually accused his neglect on Feliciano, and thus punished and took his anger out on him. Poor Feliciano as well...

Arthur took in a deep breath of air, and ran his hand through his greasy blond locks. He needed to bathe... And stop thinking about someone else's business. But for now, bathing would be nice. If only they would let him, that is. But he'd have to settle for someone washing him with a cloth and a bucket of water tomorrow morning. Damn, he hated this place...

"Arthur, sweetie, it's time to go back to your room and take your medicine." A cheery nurse called from behind him. Arthur eyed her up and down. He immediately noticed that she had a clipboard, then again when didn't anyone watching him have a clipboard. The clipboard always meant they were going to log down everything he did and said. He also noticed that her face seemed friendly, not like someone who was going to drag him by the hair and cram the over sized pills down his throat and choke him until he swallowed (yes, that had happened to him on occasion when he was feeling defiant). She had a pretty face, light makeup dusted her skin and eyes, and her hair was all pinned up above her head. Hmm... She didn't seem like the kind who would be harsh at all.

Arthur stood up and stretched out his arms above his head, yawning before offering a small nod and following the tall woman down the maze of hallways. She looked back behind her every few seconds to make sure that he was still following her, and of course he was. He wasn't the same type as Lovino, who would try to run away the split second the nurse wasn't looking. He had been here for years, he was used to it now. He knew better then to try to run away. He had done it before, and every time he had he had been yelled at, treated harshly and everyone around him seemed to turn evil. But he didn't have to worry about that now, oh no.

The nurse opened the door to his room, smiling brightly as she held it open for him. He chuckled. "Why miss, I'm the gentleman, aren't I supposed to hold open the door for you?" The nurse let out a little high pitched giggle, hiding her face behind the clipboard.

"My my, well, I'll be sure to remember that next time. Go on inside, I'll be right back with your medicine, alright?" She giggled again, shutting the door behind her after Arthur had walked in and sat on his bed. He was quick to notice that she hadn't locked the door... Had she done that on purpose? He didn't know.

_"Maybe she's testing you," _A voice Arthur absolutely despised rang in his ears. _Oh no, not already... I've been doing so good.. Please no..._

"What do you care, you stupid bastard? Go away!" He snarled angrily, his lips curling up into a scowl. He heard a low chuckle.

_"You could use this chance to escape you know._"

"I'm not going to try! Everyone turns all mean when I do! Besides there's no way I could get out even if I tried!" He explained, his voiced raised unconsciously.

_"You know damn well that's not true. You know every hallway in this place. If you used the shortest route possible you could-"_

"Shut up!" Arthur snapped, just a bit louder than before.

_"Don't you dare use that tone with me. Who do you think you're talking to?"_

"Shut the hell up!"

_"You can't just talk to me like that. To the one who raised you-"_

"I said SHUT UP!"

_"Not like that whore of a mother you had-" _

"I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP, DAMMIT!" By now, Arthur was screaming at the top of his lungs, his throat growing hoarse from his yelling. Not even a moment later the nurse, along with another one that he was all too familiar with (the one that was always the harshest), burst into the room as fast as possible.

"Arthur, what's wrong?" The woman cried out frantically. Arthur did his best to ignore the pain shooting through his temples and the voice that seemed to boom horrible nasty things into his brain. He bit it all back, holding back the urge to punch the nearest person in the gut.

"N-...othing... "He groaned, holding his head in his hands. Squeezing his eyes shut, he tried to block out all of the other sounds, including the one in his mind. _It's just in my head... It's just in my head... It's just in my head... He's not here... He's not here... It's just in my head... _He chanted over and over again in his mind in hopes to trick himself into believing it.

"Now Arthur, look at me. Is it happening again?" The male nurse asked sternly, reaching into his pocket for something he knew would most likely come in handy at any second now.

"... No..."

"Arthur, look at me." The man demanded more firmly. Letting his trembling hands slowly fall from his head, he proceeded to slowly crack open his eyes. But when he saw what he did, his entire body had frozen in place. The face looking down sternly at him... Was no longer the face of the male nurse he had recognized. _It's.. It's his face... _

"Look me in the eye and tell me nothing is wrong." _Oh god, it's even his voice!_ He couldn't control his body any longer. _YOU! _He screamed in his mind, his fist launching forward and toward the unsuspecting nurse. The man let out a pained cry as his nose cracked from the force of the blow. _It was his face! I saw his face!_

_"Look what you did."_

Arthur let out an enraged cry, leaping up from his spot on the bed and tackling the man to the ground with force, effectively pinning him by sitting on his chest. Blow after blow he gave to the man's face, ignoring the pained protests and shaky demands to stop.

"Arthur what are you doing?!" The female nurse asked in fear, backing away from the fight that was taking place before her.

"It's _HIM_!" Arthur screamed, giving another firm blow to the nurses face. "_He's _the one who killed her!"

"Arthur what are you talking about?! He's just one of the doctors here! Calm down!" She demanded shakily, trying her absolute best to stay calm and not run over to them. She knew that would only get her involved, making things worse. Arthur finally halted his actions, his fist frozen in the air as if he was ready to strike at any moment. But as he finally came back to his senses, he gazed down in horror at the man pinned down under him between his knees. He had his fist tightly wrapped in the collar of his shirt, using that to pull his head off of the ground so he could hit him more effectively. There was blood gushing down his face, bruises already beginning to show up from the force. His face, it was just like the woman had said. It was simply the terrified face of the male nurse that had walked in moments ago. It wasn't _his _face. He hadn't been attacking _him_. He had been mercilessly pounding away at an innocent man's face.

They were going to sedate him and lock him up in the padded cell for sure...

"O-oh God.. I- I'm so sorry.. I th-thought you were someone els-se.." He blubbered, unable to believe what he had just done. He slowly got off of the man's body and held his hand out to offer some help, but the nurse simply smacked it away. The female nurse finally walked closer, examining the man's broken features. "I'm so sorry... I-"

"Hush." The man barked, a scowl curling his lips and furrowing his dark brows. "I don't want to hear anything out of you. I don't think you realized what you've just done, Kirkland. Do you realize what this means?" He scolded angrily, hissing and flinching away from the woman as she ran her thumb gently over his cheek.

"Now, now, is that really necessary? I mean he hasn't taken his medicine yet, it's not his fault that he had an episode. He wasn't attacking you because of anything personal, it just sounded like he was mistaking you for someone else. Don't do such a harsh thing right off the bat..." She explained, offering a glace to Arthur who was to busy staring at the ground under his feet.

"He _attacked_ me, Elizabeta. It doesn't matter if he did it personally or not." The woman sighed, and bent down to whisper something in his ear. He looked up at her with a glare, but after sharing one for several moments he finally groaned and stormed out of the room. She rolled her eyes, and turned back too the patient, who was currently clutching his torso tightly, as if he thought his entire abdomen would simply float away if he let go.

"Now, let's get you that medicine, shall we?" She offered a small smile to the trembling man in front of her, but he refused to look up and acknowledge it. Her smile dropped, and she walked over to him to rest a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Arthur, sweetie, I understand that you thought it was someone else-"

"He's really going to put me back in there, isn't he?" He mumbled.

"Oh no, I wont let him! He can't punish you that harshly for something that's not your fault! Here, take these and then get some good rest alright? I'll clear this whole thing up with the others, so don't you worry about it." She assured sweetly, placing the pills in his hands and curling his fingers over them afterwards.

"You're really nice..." He muttered, finally glancing his emerald orbs up at her. Her smile returned, and she ruffled his hair gently.

"Well someone has to be! It's not like this is a prison. This is a mental hospital; Our goal is to make our patients better. Yelling and screaming at them, putting them in padded cells with no windows or walls, how does that possibly make them better?" The corner of Arthur's lip twitched, daring to pull up into a smile. It didn't of course, but it was close. Finally, someone who saw it from the patient's point of view!

"I'm glad you agree." The nurse gave his shoulder another friendly pat, and then pointed to the pills enclosed in his hands.

"Now take those, and I'm sure you'll feel better in no time sweetie. Goodnight and sleep well. Try to have good dreams."

"I'll try. Goodnight." He watched as she finally left, and he crammed all of the pills down his throat, swallowing them with ease due to practice. He prayed and prayed that the pills would wash away the voice and face of that damned man out of his mind. He never wanted to see his face again. Then again, he had been hoping to not see it since he was in here, and that was quite a while. To his misfortune, his wish never came true. Sometimes he could go a few days, even weeks at most without seeing anything unnatural, but something would always happen again. It would sneak into the deepest parts of his mind, driving him even further into madness. He knew there was no escape from the horrors of his own mind. And it was all _his _fault. _If he hadn't killed her... This whole thing would never have happened... _

_"Don't blame me, dumbass. It's your mother's fault."_

"I'm just not going to respond to it." Arthur grumbled under his breath, crawling into the bed and under the thin blanket that rested on top of it.

_"You know you can't ignore it, Arthur." _

_I can ignore it all I want. It's not real. _

_"It sure seemed real a few minutes ago, didn't it?"_

_It doesn't matter! It's not real. _

Arthur squeezed his eyes shut tightly. The medicine would kick in soon and would force him into a sleep, so why not ease the process along?

A blood-curling scream filled his ears within the next few seconds. His eyes flew open, his body freezing instantly, all of his muscles beginning to lock in place. That wasn't _his _voice anymore... No... Not the hallucinations again. He didn't think he'd be able to handle any hallucinations. His mind was already unstable, his sanity was already hanging by a thread as it was. No, no, no. He just would look. That would work right? He would look at the scene he remembered like the back of his hand, he would look at _him _murdering is mother. If he didn't look at it, it wouldn't affect him right?

Wrong. Instead of seeing it through his eyes, the memory played itself over and over again in him mind as if it wanted him to break. _Him _grabbing the knife from the kitchen after dinner in a drunken rage , him screaming profanity over profanity at whomever he deemed was listening, _him _glancing back at Arthur for just a moment with the most horrifying expression the young Englishman had ever seen, hearing his mother scream in terror and beg for _him _to stop before thrusting the knife into her throat without mercy. Arthur remembered letting out a mortified scream at what he saw, and _he _had glanced back at him, threatening with his animalistic gaze to do the same to him. He remembered that he could still still hear his mother's hair-raising gurgled cries of pain from the ground, her body curled in a ball as if to protect her from any further damage. He remembered that in another fit of rage that the woman wouldn't just die, he had thrown the knife down right through her skull, effectively silencing her forever.

Now Arthur let out a scream, holding his head in the bed as tears began to overflow in his eyes, falling as if from a broken dam. He was horrified, he couldn't take it anymore. He wanted it to end, for the scene to just be ripped from his mind before he was officially consumed in madness. He let out yet another scream, the entire memory replaying itself as if on a broken record. His body flailed in the bed wildly, kicking and jerking limbs in all directions. It was almost seizure-like.

Just when he thought he couldn't take it anymore, his medications had begun to kick in. The memory had only replayed once more before sleep had begun to take over him, his eyelids relaxing into a closed position and his body began to cease it's spasms slowly as the medicine did its job and dragged the brit down into a deep sleep he wouldn't awake from easily.

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**Aww, Artie dear I hate doing this to you :(. You crazy, insane little bastard, I love you and I hate torturing you. Oh well, it can't be helped. Remember to review~. **

**Until next time~.  
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	17. Chapter 17

**HOLY. SWEET. MOTHER. OF. GOD. ****It's been so long since I've updated and I'm SO SORRY. I could tell you that I've been busy and tell you other excuses pertaining to my mental health, but I wont cuz that will take to long TT_TT Anyways, I really am sorry I haven't seen you in forever! I can't even remember the last time I've updated. Was it over a month? I dunno. As this story gets further along, it seems like it gets harder to write D: . But I will go on! Even if it means not updating for weeks or even months... I'm sorry TT_TT. I'll try my best though... **_  
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**But I'll let you all get to the story now~. I really do hope you enjoy it! And it would mean bunches if you would take a couple of seconds of your wonderful lives to review! They all mean so much to me! :D. Enjoy~.  
**

**~Alice**

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_I know what I'm going to do... Yes... I know exactly what I'm going to do. How I'm going to get out of here. How I'm going to make things up with everyone. How I can fix this. How nobody will hate me anymore. How nobody can do anything against me. They wont ever be able to do anything against my wishes ever again. Yes, and then I can be happy again. I wont be tortured by these thoughts, by these doubts, by these feelings of guilt. Guilt is only making me weak... But I wont have to worry about that, will I? No, not after I get rid the problem. Once and for all. _

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Ludwig let out a grunt, rolling over in his bed with an annoyed groan. Something had woken him up from his sleep that he desperately needed, and that was _not _what he was in the mood for. After coming out of his sleep muddled haze, he finally recognized the buzzing of his cellphone against the wood of his nightstand. He sighed, before reaching out a hand to snatch it. Without even checking who it was, he flipped it open and answered it.

"Hello?" He groaned, rubbing his exhausted eyes that refused to open with the back of his fist. _Somebody better be dying... _He grumbled in his mind.

_"Hello sir! Are you Ludwig Beilschmidt?" _A cheery woman's voice rang from the receiver.

"Yes. How can I help you?" He mumbled, trying his absolute best not to either be extremely rude or just hang up.

_"I'm so terribly to call you so early in the morning. My name is Elizabeta Héderváry, and I'm one of the nurses here at the hospital that Lovino Vargas is checked in at."_ Ludwig instantly woke up after hearing these words. Propping himself up on his elbows, he continued.

"Alright..."

_"I was just calling to let you and Feliciano Vargas know that Lovino is now cleared to take visits from others! So if you ever want to stop by, visiting hour is from four pm to five. He's only allowed to take people three days a week, but you can come by on any day. Just no more than three days a week." _Ludwig's eyes widened. They were actually going let that _asshole _take _visitors_? Was that even safe?

"Really? Since when?" He asked, bewildered.

_"The doctor just announced it yesterday, and I apologize that I couldn't give it to you until today. But he said that because he seems to be doing much better and hasn't been acting so... rude, lately, that he's going to allow it." _This was strange news to Ludwig. He honestly just couldn't believe they were going to allow it. That just didn't seem right.

"_Lovino _is having good behavior? No offense or anything, but is his doctor blind and deaf? Does he not speak English or understand what curse words are?" He heard a small chuckle from the other end of the phone.

_"Of course not, and yes he speaks perfect English and knows all of the curse words that come with it, but I can tell you that I've seen it with my own eyes! It really is a miracle the progress that man has made! It's only been a few months and he's already doing so much better! I'm very proud of him, everyone here is, really. So as I said, he's free to take visitors once a day from four to five. Would you please let Mr. Feliciano know for me?" _

"Uh... sure." Ludwig muttered, glancing at the sleeping boy next to him.

_"Alright, thank you sir! Have a nice day~!"_

"You too.." And with that, he finally flipped the phone shut. Letting out a sigh, he ran his hands through his mess of blond hair, pushing some of it back into the way he usually kept it. He really just couldn't believe what the doctor had told him. How could such an insane person magically become sane again after only a short few months? Was he _really _actually doing better? Well, the more he began to think about it, why would the doctor say he was if he wasn't? If a _doctor _said he was getting better, then that meant he had to have been, right? Still, the whole thing was bothering him and he didn't know what it was. He thought it was great if he really was getting better (not that he liked the bastard one bit after what he had done to Feliciano). But if he was, that meant he wouldn't attack Feliciano again, right? That would mean they could be together again and happy, right?

There were two things that Ludwig found wrong in his last conclusion. First, he didn't trust Lovino to ever be with Feliciano again, plain and simple. Just because he's better now, who's to say that he wont ever slip back into another outrage and hurt him again? And second, if Lovino was to be with Feliciano again, then Feliciano wouldn't be with him anymore... _You idiot, don't be selfish_. He scolded himself as he slipped out of bed and began to search for some clothes to wear for the day. _You knew this would only be temporary. And besides, even if Lovino doesn't get out of the asylum anytime soon, Feliciano's going to leave either way. The boy's eighteen, for god's sake! Once he's back to being healthy and mentally stable himself, then he'll get back to his life! _Ludwig let out a quiet groan, not wanting to wake the boy, snatched his phone once more and shut the door behind him as he left the bedroom and went into the dining room. Pulling out one of the chairs and flopping into it, he rested his temples in his palms and sighed. Why was he stressing out about this? This was supposed to be a good thing! It was supposed to be a relief when Lovino got better, right? Then again, that was the key word: _better_. Elizebeta had not said he was completely perfect and ready to face the world; just that he was feeling _better_. So what did that mean exactly? Was Lovino less violent? Was he happier now? Was he that much less likely to not attack or jump the first person he sees? Not sure what to think of this situation, Ludwig flipped open his phone once more and began to search through his numbers. After finally finding the one he was looking for, the only person he could think of talking to about something like this, he drummed his fingers on the wood of the table as he listened to the annoying sound of the static-like ring.

_"Hola?" _The voice answered softly, sounding what some might call tired but others would call unhappy. Ludwig was surprised to hear his voice in this manner... He usually seemed so cheerful.

"Hey, Antonio?"

_"Si?" _

"Hey um, I need to talk to you about something. But first, is everything okay? You sound... different." Ludwig pointed out. He heard a soft sigh from the other side.

_"Si, just a bit.. Lonely. Nothing for you to worry about. What's up?" _

"It's... It's about Lovino."

_"What's wrong with Lovi?" _Antonio asked, his tone suddenly worried.

"Nothing's wrong with him, nothing at all. In fact, the doctor said he's doing a lot better. Some nurse named Elizabeta called me a few moments ago, and told me that he's... Actually allowed to take visitors now." He heard an excited gasp.

_"Really?! That's great! When can I-..Er, we see him?!" _Antonio asked enthusiastically, failing to hide any of it.

"Any weekday from four pm to five." He explained, and ended with a sigh. Antonio calmed down, noticing the German's sour tone.

_"Is there something wrong? Don't you think it's a good thing he's getting better?" _Antonio asked, with a frown he was glad Ludwig couldn't see.

"Yeah it's great that he is, but... Doesn't it seem strange to you, Antonio?"

_"Que?" _

"It's great that it's better, but he's gotten better... too fast. It's only been a few months, and suddenly a man that was _that _psycho is suddenly sane again? Doesn't it seem like there's something wrong with that picture?" When he heard another sigh from the Spaniard, he bit the corner of his lip.

_"Look, Ludwig, I know that you don't really like Lovino, but he really isn't that bad of a person once you get to know him-"_

"This isn't about that!" Ludwig snapped. "It doesn't seem strange to you?"

_"-But that's not a reason to not believe he's getting better." _Antonio finally ended.

"Antonio! I'm not just making this up!" Ludwig groaned.

_"Have you even told Feliciano yet?" _Antonio went on. This made Ludwig freeze in thought. Of course he hadn't told Feliciano yet, he was sleeping. But... Why did something tell him that there was something else? Did he even _want _to tell Feliciano? Why wouldn't he?! He had a right to know! But, what if Feliciano wasn't ready. What if it would cause him to be upset. That was sure as hell the last thing he wanted...

_"Hello? Ludwig? You're still there right?" _Antonio's voice finally interrupted his thoughts.

"Huh, oh yeah I'm still here. And no, I haven't told him yet. Again, I only got the call a few minutes ago, and he's still sleeping. So I haven't really had the chance to tell him. But-..."

_"But?" _

"Should... I mean, Should I tell him? When he wakes up I mean? Or do you think he'd be... I don't know, not ready for that yet?" He heard a few moments of silence before finally hearing a sigh.

_"That is a good point, amigo. To be honest, I wouldn't know if he's ready for that or not. That's up to you and whether you think he is or not. It has been a few months after all, but Feliciano need time for this sort of thing, you know. The boy was traumatized, physically and mentally. For all we know it might just be better off for him to forget about him all together, or he may just never __**want **__to see him again. You could maybe bring up the subject and ask him in a non-direct way if he is, or isn't ready to see him? Maybe that would be a start. But it's up to you." _

"Thanks Antonio. I'll have to talk to you about it later; I can hear Feliciano waking up in the other room. I'll call you back later."

_"All right, Adios." _

"Bye." Ludwig flipped his phone shut with a groan, pushing a few strands of blond locks that had fallen into his face. Just what was he going to do... He really wished he could just make the decision for Feliciano, but things just didn't work that way. The only thought was that it would be best to leave things the way they are, and pretend that nothing happened until he decided the right thing to do.

He watched as Feliciano slowly made his way around the corner and in to the living room, rubbing his eyes tiredly, reminding Ludwig of a small child just waking up from a nap.

"Goodmorning…" He slurred, slumping closer and closer to the German.

"Guten Morgen." Ludwig said, trying his best to look as if nothing had happened. "I didn't wake you up, did I?" Feliciano shook his head slowly.

"No, you didn't. But I did hear you talking. Who were you talking to?" He asked curiously, his mind not quite awake enough to know to mind his own business.

"Oh I was just talking to Antonio." _Shit… _Feliciano cocked his head to the side.

"Antonio? What's going on with Antonio? You usually only talk to him if something's wrong…-"

"Nothing's wrong!" Ludwig quickly replied. "I was just catching up, is all." After a few seconds of thinking, Feliciano's face returned to his usual smile.

"Oh, alright! I was worried for a second." He chuckled. Ludwig offered a smile, and reached for Feliciano's hands to pull him closer, offering a small kiss on the boys lips. Feliciano smiled into it, but pulled away quickly earning a frown. Feliciano gave another chuckle.

"If I kissed you more you would get morning breath. And so would I…" He added afterwards, cringing his nose as he tasted just as he had guessed. Ludwig only rolled his eyes and chuckled, pretending to agree.

Yes, he could do this; he could act as if nothing was wrong. He wouldn't let Feliciano think anything of it, not until he could figure out what he was going to do.

* * *

Antonio took a deep breath, his knuckled white from gripping the door handle so tightly. He had been through this before, only now he knew it was possible. He was finally going to be able to see Lovino, finally going to be able to see the one he loved. The one who just at the mention of his name made his heart ready to burst, his eyes well up with tears, and his blood burn with anger all at the same time. He didn't even know what he was going to say to Lovino, let alone what Lovino was going to say to him. Just thinking about talking to him was beginning to make his knees weak and his legs tremble.

He had to do this. He just had to. Even though Ludwig hadn't told him it was okay, he just _had _to. For the sake of his sanity, he had to see Lovino. If he didn't…

No, he wouldn't think about it. Gathering every bit of courage he had in his body, he finally pushed open the door.

"Hello! How can I help you?" The same sweet nurse Antonio had met last time greeted cheerily "Oh it's you! How good to see you again!"

"You too." Antonio finally muttered, trying his best to look and act normal. "So um, a friend of mine called me this morning and told me that Lovino Vargas is now taking visitors." He began. The lady smiled.

"Sure is. Would you like to see him?"

"Yes, please."

"Alright, one moment, sweetie pie." She typed a few more things into her computer before she gave another smile and stood up from her chair. "This way." Antonio followed the woman as she walked through a few hallways. _This place seems like a maze... _Antonio thought to himself. All of the sharp corners and turns, it seemed like you couldn't take ten steps before you had to turn somewhere else. _And people that are deemed insane are supposed to be able to figure their way around this place? Maybe, in a weird way, this asylum represents the mind of the people in it? People who are insane, their mind is like a maze, isn't it? They can't find their way around their own mind?  
_

_Whoa, deep Antonio. _He mentally slapped himself to pull himself back into reality.

Finally coming to a door with a long glass window next to it, Antonio could see a large room with several chairs and tables inside through said window. He frowned as he saw two gruff police men standing on each side of the door, both looking as if they were ready for anyone to come out of the door and start pounding away on someones face. The nurse offered the two men a smile, and they stepped out of her way instantly. Antonio could even swear he saw one of the men smile back... She opened the door and held it open for him, and he walked in awkwardly. He could now see that several people were occupying a few of the tables, talking to each other in a friendly manner. Some were chuckling, some were sharing pictures and food, and some were simply conversing calmly. Antonio was surprised; it didn't look at all what he was expecting to see in a mental hospital. It just looked like normal people going about their normal lives, talking to their loved ones.

"Take a seat at any empty table. I'll bring Mr. Vargas in a moment." The nurse instructed with another smile, and Antonio nodded and did as he was told, finding a chair quickly and sitting down. Time seemed to take forever from that moment. Within minutes, Antonio was going to be able to see Lovino. He was really going to see him. It all hit him in that moment. He was going to see his love. The only one who had ever loved him in his entire life. He could only pray and pray that he still loved him back.

When he finally glanced back at the door, his heart stopped when he saw that it was slowly creaking open. This was it, this was the moment when he would finally see him. He felt as if his heart had literally sunk down into his stomach. If he could see his own face, he definitely would have seen it pale. Time had seemed to stop right then and there. This was it.

He watched as that all too familiar brown-red hair came into view, and then his slender face after. _Oh _he thought happily, _he hasn't changed a bit! _His face was set in his usual irritated scowl, and his arms were folded over one another across his chest. _Yes, he looks just like he did before he came here! _He was dressed in a white, long-sleeved uniform, the same one he noticed that various other people in the room had. He assumed that's what they made all of the patients wear. Lovino's eyes scanned the room, and the look reminded Antonio of a predator searching for its prey (and in a way, it was). When hazel met emerald, both men froze. Antonio felt his heart shoot up from his stomach and into his throat. Lovino's eyes widened as he took another step into the visiting room.

"A-… Antonio…" Lovino's mouth mumbled, eyes widened with shock.

_Yes… _

"Lovi…" Antonio somehow managed to stand up outof his chair, even though he still felt as if his legs would turn to mush if he did. He suddenly broke into a run, surprising even himself as he ran towards the man at the door. Lovino flinched as he saw the man coming towards him, and he saw the nurses tense up around him.

_Jus_t as _I expected._

When the Spaniard finally reached the Italian, he froze, breathing deeply. Lovino's eyes were open wide, his jaw hung low.

"Antonio…" He sputtered once more.

_You're here._

"L-Lovi… Lovi… Lovi…" Tears began to well up in his eyes yet again. He was so overwhelmed with emotions he didn't know whether he wanted to hug him, kiss him, punch him in the face, kick him in the shins, or just talk. But it seemed Lovino had made the decision for him, and he began to reach out for him. Antonio flinched and tensed, preparing to be hit. But instead, Lovino practically threw his arms around his shoulders and clung to him tightly.

"Antonio!" He cried in relief. "I'm so happy to see you!"

_Yes, so happy. _

Antonio's eye's widened in surprise, but returned the embrace lovingly.

"I am too, Lovi." He whispered.

_Now my plan can continue. _

Lovino rolled his eyes as a few people around the room, including the nurses next to him, awed at the sight. _Idiots…_

"Lovi.. I'm missed you so much." Antonio cried in joy, holding his loved one tighter.

"I have as well..." Lovino whispered softly into the Spaniard's ear as he stroked soft brown locks with the palm of his hand. "You have no idea."

"Really? I thought you would have been angry with me." Antonio admitted.

_You fool. _

"You fool! I'm not mad! I was before, yes, but now I've realized you just wanted to help me get better, and that's why you did what you did." Lovino said soothingly, gently resting his forehead against the sweat-slicked skin of the other's. A smile finally found it's way onto Antonio's lips.

"I'm so happy to do that. I'm overjoyed to see that you're doing better. Oh Lovino, love, you have no idea how good it is to see you!" He cried, tears threatening to overflow once more as more and more emotions built up.

_Oh no, it is you who has no clue._

"I'm happy too. Come on, let's sit down and talk, hm?" Antonio nodded and led the Italian back over to the table he had been placed at before.

"Ah, there's so much catching up to do! How is it here? It isn't too horrible, is it?" Antonio asked as he pulled out his chair and sat down. Lovino shook his head.

_Actually no._

"It's awful." He began, a look of absolute anguish displayed on his face. "They treat me like garbage, like I'm some sort of monster! They yell at me all of the time, they make me take these awful medicines and do these horrible kinds of 'therapy', some times they even forget to feed me! Oh, Toni! I can't stand it here!" Antonio's face twisted into the most sympathetic look he could muster, his lips parted and curled downward, his eyebrows curved, his eyes wide, he couldn't believe what he was hearing. And when Lovino had called him "Toni" to top it off... Oh, it just sent shivers down his spine.

_You idiot, you'll believe anything I tell you. _

"I can't believe that! That's so horrible, Lovi! How could they do that to you?! I'm so sorry, mi amor!" He said softly, reaching out across the table to give the Italian's hand a quick squeeze.

_Wait for it..._

"I know..." Lovino sniffed, wiping the tear that had begun to gather in the corner of his eye. "It's just so terrible here! What I wouldn't give to take it all back! I know what I did was wrong! I know what I did was horrible, what I would give to be able to tell Feliciano I'm sorry! I know that I was horrible, but I wasn't in the right mind. I wasn't myself. I was blinded by my rage! But I know now! They don't have to treat me so horribly!" He cried, sounding as miserable as he possibly could. He watched as Antonio's face grew softer, and felt his hand earn another squeeze.

_Yes... Almost there!_

"Oh Lovi.. I know! They just don't understand how you feel, what you've been through... I'm so sorry." Antonio said.

"I know, I know. Oh, Toni, I just want to get out of here!" Lovino finally seemed to break, and tears began to stream from his eyes. This shocked Antonio greatly, and he quickly reached across the table to cup Lovino's soft cheeks in his hands.

"Oh, don't cry, mi amor! Please, don't cry! Is... Is there anything I can do?"

_Yes... Yes... YES! Finally!_

Lovino slowly looked up, glimmering tears decorating his puffy cheeks as soft hazel eyes glistened as they gazed up into emerald ones.

"You really want to help me?" He murmured.

"Of course! I'd do anything to help you!" Antonio exclaimed, brushing a strand of brown hair from the Italian's face.

"Anything?"

_Oh Antonio, this was so much easier than I thought it would be._

"Yes! Of course! I can't stand to see you so miserable... Oh Lovi, what can I do?" And finally, _finally _Lovino grinned. But it wasn't a normal, sane person's grin. It was the grin of a madman. The grin of someone with a plan. A madman's plan.

"You can help me break out of here."

* * *

**HAHA! okay okay, hate me all you want for ending it here. But if I didn't, this would have taken ANOTHER month. So what do you think is going to happen? What do you think Roma's master plan is? *rubs palms together evily* You'll have to find out next time! Remember to review~!**


	18. Chapter 18

**I HAVE. NO. WORDS. NONE. NO LAME EXCUSES, NO STUPID JOKES. NONE. Other than sorries? I'll put my longer A/N at the end, but for now, I leave you to the story~. Remember to review~ It encourages me to write a lot faster. **

* * *

"That was wonderful~!" Feliciano exclaimed, bursting excitedly through the front door of Ludwig's house. They had finally gotten back after a long day of Ludwig spoiling Feliciano, due to the fact that his birthday had finally come around. But it wasn't simply because it was his birthday, Ludwig was hoping that by making the boy as happy as he could he could distract the boy from what he had been dreading all day.

Feliciano had been onto him throughout the day, asking him if he was okay, or if there was something wrong. But as much as Ludwig tried to lie through it, he simply wasn't that good of a liar. It pained him to keep information from the boy, especially information he was sure Feliciano would want to know. Ludwig didn't know why he didn't want to tell the boy about his brother, but he knew he at least didn't want to ruin his day. And as much as Feliciano denied it, it would.

Ludwig strained a smile when the boy looked at him.

"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself, Feliciano." He said softly. Feliciano was quick to notice Ludwig's awkwardness, and put his hands on his hips.

"Alright, what's wrong, Ludwig?" He asked sternly, his smile gone as well as his bubbly attitude. "What's been going on that's been making you so upset?" Ludwig at last looked back to the boy, finally glancing into his eyes. We wasn't playing around anymore. He wasn't trying to be funny, or any kind of sarcastic. He was being serious. And there was no way Ludwig was going to back out of it now. He couldn't hide it from him anymore.

He had to tell him. Letting out a soft sigh, Ludwig sat himself in a chair. "Are you sure you want to spoil a great day?" He tried in a last attempt to convince the Italian otherwise. But Feliciano wasn't fooled, and instead sat down in front of the German and took his large hands in his own thin fingers.

"Nothing you say could ruin this day for me. Now tell me!" Feliciano pushed, wanting desperately to know what Ludwig was so persistent on hiding from him. They were a couple, right? And couples shouldn't hide things from each other; at least that's what he told himself. Ludwig sucked in a deep breath, squeezing Feliciano's hands back.

"I don't know about that, this is pretty-" Ludwig went on

"Ludwig, just tell me. Now." Feliciano was tired of the question being avoided.

"It's ... About your brother." Ludwig began softly, clearing his throat. Feliciano was immediately at full attention, eyes wide in anticipation.

"My ...Fratello?" He hadn't heard a word about his brother since what had happened so long ago, he hadn't seen him, didn't even know what happened to him after he passed out that day. "What about him?"

"Well... After what happened many months ago, when he nearly killed you, he was sent to jail. But, some people figured he would be better off, and it would do him better, to be in a mental asylum." Ludwig explained carefully, careful to take things slow with the boy. He knew he was sensitive about this, and he knew he had to be careful with his words.

"Wh-why a mental asylum?!" Feliciano asked, suddenly panicked for his brother's safety. "Why would they do such a thing to him?!" Ludwig sighed, rubbing his temples with his index finger and thumb. He couldn't believe the boy was still in denial of his brother's insanity, or at least of the fact that there was at the very least something wrong with him.

"Feliciano." Ludwig muttered, his brows knitted together. "Do you... Do you remember what he did to you? All of the other things he did to you? And you think he _doesn't_ belong in a mental asylum?" Feliciano's mouth snapped open to speak, but quickly closed again when he found that he had no response. The blond had a point, Lovino did do horrifying things to him, he traumatized him in ways no brother ever should. But still...

"He's my brother..." Feliciano softly murmured with his head hung low. "And I still love him… And care about him… I don't want anything bad to happen to him." Ludwig gave Feliciano's hand a small squeeze, and offered a small sympathetic smile.

"I understand that, Feliciano. And don't worry; nothing bad is happening to him. The only reason he's there is because that's where they think he'll be better off, and hopefully get better. Think about it this way: would you rather him be in a cold, miserable jail cell where he's hardly fed, then in a place where he's clothed better, treated better, taken care of, looked out for, and surrounded by doctors that are trying to help him?" Feliciano's head lowered a bit more, his shoulders slumping in defeat.

"You have a point…. But…"

"But?" Ludwig interjected, his brow raised once more. Feliciano lifted his head just enough to look into the other man's eyes, and his expression in that second shattered Ludwig's heart. His face reminded him of the moment Ludwig had first brought him into his house: Broken, empty, dejected, as if there was nothing of him left.

"Is it wrong for me to say that I want him back?" Feliciano trembled out, his bottom lip quivering. Ludwig couldn't take the look on the other's face for another second, and practically jumped up from the chair. Feliciano flinched back in surprise as he saw Ludwig suddenly rush towards him. His body anxiously tensing up, he was surprised when he felt the German's arms tightly wrapped around his shoulders.

"L-Ludwig?"

"Of course it's not wrong Feliciano." Ludwig mumbled softly, squeezing the boy in his arms. "It's not wrong…"

"I want to forgive him… I really do… I want to tell him that I forgive him and that I still love him no matter what." Feliciano stammered, only confusing Ludwig further.

"But Feliciano," He began, pulling back slightly to look at his face, his hands still resting his hands on Feliciano's shoulders. "Why do you forgive him? _How _can you forgive him after all the things he did?" Feliciano did everything he could to avoid his gaze, and bit at his lip in thought.

"Because… I understand him…" He mumbled quietly.

"Feliciano, that doesn't make any sense-,"

"Yes it does!" He quickly interrupted. "I know what he's been through, I know how he feels, I know that… Nobody really every loved him and was always mad at him. So even though he takes all of his anger out on me… I want him to know that I still love him and am not mad at him like everyone else was. It's… It's my fault that he was always treated that way, and I want him to know that I'm not like everyone else."

"But Feliciano-,"

"He's my Fratello." He interjected again, pausing shortly to take a deep breath. "He's the only family I have left…"

Ludwig sighed, sliding his hands down to gently hold the boy's trembling ones in his own.

"If he means that much to you, then I guess this next part will be the good news." He added. Feliciano at last met the German's gaze, brown eyes wide in anticipation.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I got a call some time ago and… He's allowed to take visitors. They finally deemed him stable enough, and said that he was making fantastic progress, so he's allowed to see people." He explained. Feliciano's eyes seemed to bulge in sudden excitement, thought Ludwig _still _couldn't understand why.

"Really?! So can we see him?" Feliciano asked anxiously. Ludwig sighed softly once more, thinking about how to respond before he did.

_Well of course we __**can**__, even though I still don't think it's a very good idea. I don't like the idea of seeing him at all, and I don't think seeing him is very good for you… I don't believe the bullshit they're telling me about how he's "miraculously better". Something's wrong here… But it's not like he can do anything in the asylum. And if he means that much to you…_

"If you really want to. But Feliciano, I do want to at least say this-," He began, and Feliciano sat at full attention. "If it seems like there is _anything _wrong with him, or if he does anything to make you uncomfortable, I want you to leave and not go back there no matter how much you want to. Alright?" Feliciano's anxious smile had faded, and he slowly nodded at Ludwig's instructions.

"I know he means a lot to you. I get that, he's your brother. Your brother is important. But you need to remember and be aware that he _is _a dangerous man. That's just the truth."

"But he-!"

"I don't want you to get hurt again…"

_I can't stand to see you like that again… _

Ludwig's own head had at last begun to look down, avoiding the boy's gaze to his face.

"Ludwig?" Feliciano softly called out, trying to get the other man to look at him. Ludwig merely grunted in return, and Feliciano took his hands from the German's. Instead he lifted Ludwig's chin up, cupping the man's face in his palms. Ludwig's pained expression hurt him, but he did his best to push it aside in his mind.

"Thank you…" He softly whispered, and placed a gentle, reassuring kiss on the other's lips. A small smile touched Ludwig's lips, as he reached up to softly stroke the boy's hair while returning the kiss.

"Happy birthday."

* * *

Antonio stared blankly back into the eyes of the man in front of him, completely dumbfounded by the words he had just heard. Blinking several times in shock, Antonio couldn't seem to collect his thoughts long enough to speak before they would disappear from his mind all together. Lovino's brow raised slightly, his patience for an answer wearing thin.

_I know you aren't going to tell me no…_

"You-…. Want me to….what?" Antonio stuttered out at last. Lovino easily slipped his lips into a frown, coaxing Antonio as far as he could.

"Come on, Toni. I told you how horrible it is here! You don't want to keep me miserable do you-"

"Of course not!" Antonio quickly and loudly interrupted, guilt flowing through every vein in his body. "It's just… Sneaking out of here, isn't that a bit much? I mean think about it Lovi, they aren't just going to let it slide easily with your…. Record." His voice much lower than before he explained.

_It doesn't matter… I just need to get out in time to do one more thing. Then they can put me back in jail for all I care. _

"I-I know, Toni. But, I just _can't stand it anymore_. And I won't do it again, I promise, I've learned better! Please, you said you would help me…"

_You wouldn't __**dare**__ tell me no…_

"Lovi… Of course I want to help you-!"

"So then you'll do it for me?" Lovino interrupted, his spirits suddenly lifted as a spark of false hope flashed across his eyes.

_Of course you will. _

Antonio sighed, biting at his lower lip in anxiety. "Lovi… I don't think you understand what it is you're asking of me and what exactly you're trying to get yourself into…" He reasoned. It was then that Antonio noticed Lovino's immediate change of expression. His face seemed to darken, any trace of false smiles out of sight and any sign of kindness in his eyes were forgotten.

"Antonio, I know exactly what I'm doing. I'll tell you exactly what you need to do, and when to do it, and if you do what I say, everything will be fine. You just have to trust me." Lovino spoke, his voice low and eyes narrow.

"Lovi..." Antonio groaned softly, lowering his head and resting it against his palms. He couldn't possibly say no to his love, but this... This was just too much for him to ask. Even he could be pressed with charges if anyone found out about it, in fact he most likely would be. But he couldn't possibly let the love of his life, the one he owed all his happiness to, suffer miserably.

"Antonio..."Lovino finally whispered, reaching across the table to grab his hand. His cold gaze had softened, but it wasn't as pathetic as before. As Antonio looked up from the table and into Lovino's softer hazel gaze, he understood the word Lovino was trying to say.

_Please_

Sucking in a deep breath, he closed his eyes for a brief moment of peace, before looking back to the man in front of him calmly.

"Alright, I trust you. But tell me this, what do you plan on doing once you get out?" Antonio asked with a raised brow, his curiosity peaked. Lovino's sly grin returned once more.

"I'm going to take care of the problem."

* * *

**I know I mentioned last chapter that as this story goes along further, it gets harder to write? Yeah, argument over, cased closed. So I went on a God knows how many months hiatus, and now I'm finally back? Maybe? My lovely friend finally kicked my ass into my writing chair (figuratively speaking, as I have no writing chair, she lives on the other side of the world, and she wouldn't kick my ass... I think) and finally nagged me (in a good way) into continuing this. So I guess I can say… thank you dear? You know who you are. Though she knows how much this pains me .-. I need to not be on such long hiatuses… But hey, I guess my only "excuse" is that I've been working a lot on something else, something that, unlike this, is pre-planned and totally mapped out. So you can expect something from me in the future? Yay? **

**I also want to say thank you like, a billion times to everyone who has reviewed this so far, it really does lift my spirits and encourage me to write a whole lot more, because I do it for you people~. They all mean **_**so **_**much to me. So: (insert a billion "thank yous" here). And with that I will end this super long/unnecessary/probably annoying A/N? Bye-Bye~.**

**~Alice**


	19. Chapter 19

**Hello again, my lovely little monsters~ (is that what I'm calling you now? Weird). I'm here again with a (hopefully quicker) update~. Nothing much to say, other than I had a few questions asking me "what it Lovino going to take care of?!" Well, you'll just have to see now won't you ;). **

**Don't forget to use that lovely little review box down there at the bottom and, well, you know what to do. I always love hearing feedback from you guys~.**

**Also, Rienmi,**

**Your Tsundere is showing. **

**~Alice**

* * *

Arthur clenched his head as yet another pulse of pain shot through his brain. He hadn't slept in days, thanks to him finding ways to avoid taking his sleeping medication. He didn't hide it under his tongue, no; of course not they always check that. But they never check to see if you vomit it back up the second they leave.

He didn't want to sleep. He _couldn't _sleep. Not from just not taking his medications, but he wouldn't allow himself to. There was just too much thinking to do. Over the past week, he had been thinking about so many things. About his father, the slaughter of his mother, about his being here surrounded by psychos, about Lovino... Yes, for the past few hours, Lovino was the only thing on his mind. But why was the question he had been asking himself for the past, what was it, five hours he had counted now? Why was Lovino so stuck in his mind? What was so special about him? Well, despite the fact that he seemed to be the only person who truly listened to him, Lovino was kind of a dick. He was always snappy, rude, and generally just an unpleasant person all together. So why? Why all of a sudden was he so... important?

_Because he's the only person that deals with your shit. _

"Oh shut up." Arthur groaned, rubbing circles into his throbbing temples. "I don't need _your _shit right now."

_But you know it's true. Nobody else in the entire asylum ever wanted to talk to you until Lovino showed up. They all think you're just a crazy arsehole, and you are I might add. _

"Whatever. That still doesn't explain anything. If you're going to say something, at least be helpful." Arthur whimpered.

_I am, jackarse. Pay attention when I say things to you. You're thinking about him so much because you crave his attention. He's the only one that will give it to you, so you want as much of it as you can. _

"But he... he's such an arse. Why would I want him to be like that to me? It just doesn't make sense!"

_You're an arse. Which is exactly my point. You're both arses. And in his strange way of doing it, he's accepting you. He's the only one here that's ever paid attention to you before, so naturally you want as much of it as you can get. _

"What are you trying to say...? Just hurry up and spit it out." Arthur growled, not sure where he was going with this.

_Goodness, are you really that much of an idiot?! You're in love with him, you twat! _Arthur's thoughts froze in complete bewilderment. What?! _Love_? That was certainly a word he hadn't even thought about in quite some time.

"You're delusional. That's just ridiculous. There's no way I could love someone like him. And so fast mind you." Arthur scoffed, brushing it off as if the voice in his head hadn't suggested something absolutely idiotic.

_Might I remind you that __**you're **__the delusional one here? And don't tell me that you're too much of an idiot that it doesn't make sense to you. And what do you possibly mean __**someone **__like him? You're just like he is! _Arthur merely rolled his eyes at the useless teasing.

"That's a lie." He grumbled. "I haven't done the kinds of things he has. Just because he doesn't think I'm a lunatic doesn't give me a reason to love him." Arthur stood his ground, not backing down to his simple delusions.

_Oh quit lying to yourself, would you? You know you love him, and deep down you're just praying that he eventually feels the same way! Just admit it to yourself already! Come on, I'm part of your own mind, it's not like I can lie, idiot. _

"Would you just shut up and let me think?!" Arthur growled, clenching his head in his palms once again. Was the voice right? _Could _it be right? While it was true that the voice he had been hearing was merely his own delusion, it just _wasn't _right. Not so suddenly. He had only known Lovino for a few months right? And there were so many things he didn't know about him, jumping straight to the conclusion of _love _was just unreasonable. Had feelings for, maybe in time he would admit to that. But _love_? No. Besides, he doubted Lovino seemed like the "loving" type. After hearing stories about what he did to his own brother, his own family... just thinking about it made Arthur's stomach uneasy. Though, in a strange way, it didn't make him feel any different about the man. Yes, he wouldn't deny that it was absolutely sick, but it didn't change the fact that Arthur wanted to be friends, if not maybe more if he were ever to admit it, with the Italian man. He wasn't sure if that made him a decent gentleman and good friend, or a sick twisted sadistic human being.

_Are you just going to beat around the bush or are you going to answer my question, you twat. _The voice growled angrily.

"I've already answered you. You're delusional. Going straight to the feeling of love is just being downright unreasonable. I could possibly admit to having _some _feelings for him... But not today. I don't know him enough to have strong enough feelings for someone like him. And that's the end of it."

_But you will admit to having __**some **__feelings for him at least? _Arthur sighed deeply.

"Fine, since you seem to know my feelings better than I do."

* * *

"Alright Feliciano, are you _sure _you're going to be okay?" Ludwig asked in concern, gripping the boy's shoulders firmly as he strictly glared down at him. Feliciano merely rolled his eyes.

"Ludwig, _I'll be fine_. I promise. I can take care of myself for a few hours." He explained, slowly pushing the larger man towards the front door. "You have to go! Stop waiting on me! I'm fine!"

"I just want to make sure you're not in any pai-,"

"Ludwig!" He groaned, removing the man's hands from his shoulder's by force. "How many times do I have to tell you I'm fine before you'll believe me?" Ludwig at last sighed, relaxing slightly.

"If you're sure…"

"I am." Feliciano assured, reaching up on his toes to gently place a small chaste kiss on Ludwig's lips, calming him further. "You need to go. You're going to be late." He whispered with a smirk, watching Ludwig's small frown when he pulled away so suddenly.

"But-,"

"Bye. Have a nice day." That was Feliciano's obvious way of saying _end of discussion_.

"If you need anything, call me or Antonio." Ludwig added, before at last walking out of the door and shutting it behind him.

_Finally… _Feliciano mentally sighed in relief. It wasn't like he was happy about not being with Ludwig, but what he was planning needed him to be without the German. Reaching for the phone across the kitchen counter, he quickly dialed a familiar number. Impatiently tapping his foot as he listened to the rings, he waited anxiously for the rings to stop.

"_Hola?"_ A cheery voice ceased the rings.

"Toni?"

"_Feli! It's so good to hear from you again! Happy late birthday, by the way. How is it going?"_ Antonio greeted. Feliciano smiled slightly; hearing from Antonio made him feel much better.

"Everything is great! And grazie, Toni."

"_So then, is there anything I can do for you?"_ Feliciano softly bit at his lip awkwardly.

"Actually yes… Can I ask a favor of you?"

"_Of course mi amigo! What do you need?" _

"Um… It's about my fratello… And him being in the…. Asylum." He mumbled slowly, still not sure how Antonio felt about the situation. He assumed he already knew, but judging by the long silence he was receiving from the other end he wasn't sure anymore.

"_I see… So Ludwig told you about it, hm?" _Feliciano frowned when he heard this.

"Was… He not supposed to?" He asked in confusion. _That would explain why he was so hesitant to tell me… _

"_Well no, it's not like he wasn't allowed to or anything. We just weren't sure if you would be able to handle the news is all. We didn't know if he should tell you, because you might not be too happy to hear it…. Say, how __**do **__you feel about it?" _Antonio asked hesitantly. Feliciano shrugged, even though he knew Antonio couldn't hear him.

"I'm not happy to hear that he's in an _insane asylum_, but I'm glad he's okay."

"_**You're **__glad __**he's **__okay? Goodness, Feli, do you remember what he-,"_

"Yes I remember what he did to me!" Feliciano snapped, calming himself down and sighing. "Anyway, can I ask you the favor or not, Toni?"

"_Of course! I'm sorry, it's just strange that you're concerned about him is all. What's this favor?" _

"Um…. Do you think that you can take me to… where he is?" Feliciano asked sheepishly. After hearing a long pause from the other end, he began to grow concerned. _What if he says no?_ Biting at his lip anxiously, he waited for Antonio's answer.

"_Does Ludwig know about this?" _A pang of guilt struck Feliciano, as he chewed even more at his lower lip.

"Um… No, I didn't tell him. I thought he might tell me it wasn't a good idea and-… I don't know… I just didn't think I should tell him." He could hear Antonio sigh from the other end.

"_So you want me to take you to your brother, and not tell Ludwig about it?" _Antonio asked. Feliciano paused sheepishly, before answering with a small, "Yes…" He heard Antonio chuckle from the other end.

"_I'll be there in a few minutes."_

* * *

Feliciano awkwardly tapped his foot in the bottom of Antonio's car anxiously chewing on his lip as more and more guilty built up within his stomach.

_I should have told him…. I should have told him what I was doing… What if he comes home early and sees that I'm not there? What if he gets angry at me? I don't want to make Ludwig angry at me! _

"You alright?" Antonio asked, glancing over to the fidgeting boy beside him, whom was slumped down in his seat and nervously tapping his foot while twiddling his thumbs.

"Huh? Oh si, fine." Feliciano corrected his obvious nervous posture by sitting up properly, but his foot tapping never ceased.

"Nervous about your brother?" Antonio asked, offering up conversation and hoping to ease the boys nerves.

"Not really. I want to see him… I have something to say to him. So I'm not so nervous about him." Feliciano explained. A smirk touched Antonio's lips as he lightly chuckled.

"You know, he misses you too." He said quietly.

"He-he does?" Feliciano asked in disbelief. Antonio nodded before going on, smiling slightly.

"Si, he does. Believe it or not, he has something he wants to say to you as well." Feliciano was about to respond in joy, and ask many questions about what else his brother was thinking, when a thought struck him.

"Wait, how do you know that?" He asked, his curiosity and suspicion suddenly peaked. There was a long silence before Antonio answered, and Feliciano only grew more concerned.

"I've… seen him a few times since he's been allowed to take visitors." Antonio admitted, his lips curled to the side in a small crooked frown. Feliciano frowned himself, his eyebrows furrowing.

"How long has he been allowed to take visitors?" He asked lowly. It hurt Feliciano that they had been hiding the news about his brother from him in the first place, but it only made him feel worse to know that Antonio saw his brother without telling him.

"Not very long; only about 3 weeks." Antonio explained.

_That's not very long? _Feliciano thought to himself.

"So… How is he? Is-is he okay?" He asked, trying to keep the conversation going, though his eyes stayed gazed down awkwardly into his lap.

"Si, he's much better than he was before he came there. He realized what he did to you was wrong, and he tells me all the time that he wants to fix the problem and make things better with you."

Feliciano's eyes widened slightly, his brows knitting together in surprised. Looking up from his lap and up to Antonio's face, his mouth fell open in shock.

"He… He said that? Really?" Antonio slowly nodded, sucking in a deep breath.

"Si." He said quickly, his face void of any emotion.

_I wish I didn't have to tell you… _

But despite Antonio's lack of enthusiasm, Feliciano's face lit up, his eyes sparkling and his jaw set in a deep, open smile.

"That's amazing! I'm so excited to speak to him!"

"Good, because we're here."

Feliciano frantically looked up and in front of him, looking out of the front window to indeed see the hospital I front of them. Feliciano did everything he could to keep calm while Antonio found a place to park.

_He... He's sorry? He really is better? That's incredible! That's all I want for him! All I want is for him to be better; to see him normal and happy again, so then maybe I can see him smile..._

_I hope he smiles when he knows how I feel..._

"Alright, follow me, and remember to stay quiet." Antonio instructed, and Feliciano nodded quickly as he practically jumped out of Antonio's short car. He did as he was told, and followed directly behind Antonio as they approached the tall, ominous white building.

Feliciano was surprised when he entered, that all he saw was white. White walls, white floors, the nurses and doctors around him seemed to be wearing white as well. Everything looked incredibly clean, there didn't appear to be a single spot on any said white surface. The next thing he noticed while he walked was that there were several different hallways, all going in many different directions, like a maze. He had no clue how anyone possibly made their way around this kind of confusing place, but he assumed they learned the layout before ever starting here.

He was slightly alarmed when he noticed the many men and women, all in white, rushing past him and down many different long hallways as fast as they could while still being in an orderly manner. Some were carrying what Feliciano thought looked like bottles of medicine; some carried long needles that leaked from their tips.

Feliciano frantically gripped at the back of Antonio's shirt with both fists, his heart pounding in his chest.

_What's going on!?_

Antonio paused, turning around in concern. At seeing Feliciano's fearful face, he offered a reassuring smile.

"Don't worry; it's probably just one of the other patients having a problem. It's nothing for you to worry about." But although Antonio tried to calm the shaken boy, it only alarmed him more.

_That's nothing to worry about? This place is starting to scare me!_

"What if that's my frate-,"

"Feliciano-," Antonio immediately stopped him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "I promise it's not. Your brother doesn't have the kind of problems that would need…. That kind of attention." Antonio assured. Feliciano calmed slightly, his face relaxing.

"But still… someone else does?"

"Don't worry about that. Focus on your brother." Antonio instructed, and Feliciano nodded, soon following behind the Spaniard once more. They quickly approached a desk, where a small smiling lady seemed to be sitting behind a large stack of papers and offering a small smile.

"Hey there sweet pea!" She beamed once seeing Antonio.

"Hi-," He blushed awkwardly. "I'm here to see Lovino again." The woman nodded in understanding, going through the usual handing him a sign in clipboard before standing up from her chair. She was prepared to show Antonio to the usual room and guide him through the long winding hallway, when she noticed the short timid boy hiding behind the usual visitor.

"Who is this?" She asked, a brow raising in concern.

"This is Lovino's younger brother, Feliciano. I already signed him in, so there's nothing to worry about." The woman's brow stayed in place, eyeing Feliciano in curiosity.

"So this is him..." She murmured softly under her breath, before walking down the correct hallway leading to the visiting room with Antonio and Feliciano quickly behind her.

Feliciano warily observed the sights around him, his own brows knitted together. More and more white walls, white doors, and dozens of hallways and corners. The place was so similar to a maze it made him nauseous to just think about getting lost. A few times he had seen various people not dressed in white, who quickly caught his attention, but those people were soon scolded by nurses and rushed or coaxed into their designated rooms. Feliciano frowned as he watched the way some of the people were treated, quickly coming to the assumption that those were the patients.

_This is __**better **__than a prison? Looks just as bad to me…_

"Alright! He's in that room over there. Toni, you know what to do. Have fun boys." The woman said, her smile returned as she pointed to a door at the end of a hallway.

"Thanks again!" Antonio called back, offering another smile back at the giggling woman. "Alright, ready Feli?" He asked, turning back to the frozen boy.

While Feliciano was incredibly excited to see his brother, his heart drummed heavily in his chest. His palms were incredibly sweaty and clenched tightly into fists.

_What if he's still… angry at me? What if he doesn't want to see me anymore… Will seeing me only just make things worse? I hope he's not still angry at me! _

_Toni said he wanted to see me, but… That doesn't always mean for the better…_

_Why am I so worried all of a sudden? This is my fratello! I want to see my fratello! I came here for a reason and I'm going to do just that!_

"Feli? Are you alright?" Antonio asked in concern, shaking the boy from his thoughts. Feliciano quickly nodded.

"Si, fine, just…. Eh…"

"Scared?" Antonio offered. Feliciano shook his head.

"No, no, not scared. Just… Nervous." He trembled out. Antonio nodded.

"I understand. But believe me, he's changed. He's… Different."

Antonio found in difficult to choke up the words, and swallow down the lump growing in his throat afterwards. Yes, Lovino had certainly changed, but Antonio certainly couldn't possibly tell the boy how.

"Then… Let's go see him." A small smile slowly grew on Feliciano's lips, his heart fluttering in his chest from the anticipation. Antonio nodded, slowly leading Feliciano to the door at the end of the hallway. Opening the door and leading him in, Antonio pointed out the glass windows and the tables through them, explaining how they were to sit down and wait for Lovino to come to them. Feliciano nodded in understanding, walking over to one of the empty tables and sitting down like the Spaniard had explained.

The room they were in seemed different from the rest of the asylum to Feliciano. The mood seemed different. Lighter, he would say, even happier. The people around him actually seemed to be smiling and carrying on normal everyday conversations.

"So where is my-," Feliciano began, before quickly being interrupted.

"He's being taken here by one of the nurses. They couldn't just expect for us to come, you know. It will probably take a few minutes, but he should be here soon-,"

No sooner than the end of his sentence did the doors fly open once more, and in the doorway stood the tall scowling amber headed man. He stood with his arms folded, an irritated scowl written into his face as usual. All over, he didn't appear very different from when Feliciano last saw him. He looked, cleaner maybe. His hair was kept much neater and straighter save for that pesky curl in the front of his head similar to Feliciano's own. Like the others belonging to the asylum, Lovino wore all white, making him look much neater than he usually dressed. But he didn't seem… _Different… _

Either way, Feliciano didn't care. His brother was here, in front of him. No, he was here, in front of his brother. And he was here for a reason. Before Antonio could say a word of what to do or how to approach him, Feliciano took off.

"Fratello!" Feliciano cried, running with as much speed as he could, and tripping over his feet a few times, to the other side of the room where his brother was standing. As Lovino looked over, his mouth dropped and his eyes widened in complete shock.

"F-Feliciano?" He mumbled out in confusion, slowly standing up from his chair.

_You idiot. Why did you come back to me?!_

"Fratello!" Feliciano cried once more, hastily throwing his arms around the taller or the two, eliciting a grunt from him.

"Feliciano... What are you doing here?" Lovino asked, still completely dumbfounded as his little brother clung to him.

"I heard what they did to you and I... I had to see if you were okay!"

_You really are an idiot aren't you? An absolute, oblivious, idiot!_

_Why are you here? You're going to ruin my plan…_..

_And what nonsense are you going on about? Why should you be concerned about me after what I did to you? You should never want to see me again... Be terrified to even think of my name… Why aren't you? Why do you seem so concerned for my well-being? Isn't it you that you should be worrying about?  
_  
"Feliciano... I-," Lovino paused, carefully thinking about how he should respond. Of course he couldn't say what was on his mind, that would only make the situation worse. The entire point of his plan was to make people he was getting better, right? That he realized what he did was wrong?

"I'm so sorry, Feliciano," He began, returning the affection his brother was so willingly giving him. "For what I did... For what I did all of the time... For everything. I can't express my regret about the situation; I wish every day that I could take it back."

_"You should be sorry,"_ Arthur's words clearly rang in his head. _"You did a bad thing."_

_"You need to make it up with him. Fix the problem."_

That was what he had to make Feliciano believe. And then he could work on fixing the problem.

_"That's all it is, guilty conscience."  
_  
"I know you'll never forgive me, but-"

"No, fratello! I do forgive you! I do! That's why I came here, to tell you that I forgive you!"

Lovino's heart stopped at his brother's words, eyes widening once more in disbelief.

"I know you're not a bad person. And I know most people have always been angry at you, and I think that you just don't know how to deal with it is all."

"You... What?"

"And I think that because it's my fault people are mad at you, you just get angry at me is all. But I know you're not a bad person, and I'm so glad to hear you're getting better!"

Lovino's heart throbbed painfully in his chest as the words entered his ears. His body felt frozen, yet warm at the same time.  
_  
You... Genuinely feel that way about me? Why?_

More and more guilt built up in his throat, as he found the words harder to swallow down than ever before. Why did something as simple words seem to affect him so much?

"Fratello..." Feliciano mumbled softly, squeezing his brother tighter in his bony feeble arms.  
_  
Why do I feel like this?  
_  
"Feliciano... I... I..." Lovino sputtered nervously, at a loss for words. It seemed every vile thought in his head was long gone, replaced with nothing but confusion and light thoughts. With Feliciano treating him like this he felt... Dare he say, happy? Pleasant? Yet somehow still confused. He wanted to be bitter, didn't he? But why did he feel the way he did now?

But why? Because he knew Feliciano's real feelings? Because he knew that Feliciano feels differently about him than the way everyone else did? But Feliciano always treated him differently than others did, even when they were children. Feliciano always felt unusually attached to him, even when Lovino treated him the way a brother shouldn't. But he never seemed to mind. Feliciano always forgave him in the end…

_Even after I almost killed you, you __**still **__want to forgive me?! _

"_You need to make it up with him. Fix the problem."_

"_That's all it is. Guilty conscience." _

Arthur's previous advice repeated itself over and over in Lovino's head as he felt Feliciano cling to him tightly, and the gears in Lovino's head only jammed further in confusion.

"Fratello?" Feliciano called out in concern, looking up at his brother's blank face.

_I want to fix the problem…_

_I was going to get rid of the problem… _

"Hm?" He finally answered, though his answer was slightly delayed.

"Are you… Happy to see me at all?" Feliciano asked, his lips drooped in a small frown.

_Am I? _

"What do you mean? Of course I'm happy to see my fratellino.." He trailed off, his voice low and monotone. Yet somehow Feliciano didn't seem to notice and only paid attention to the words coming from the other's lips.

"So... You aren't still angry with me?"

_Was I ever angry with you? Why?_

"Of course not, Feliciano! I couldn't possibly be angry with you, especially not after all this time!" Lovino watched as Feliciano's face lit up in excitement, an enormous smile growing on his face as he threw himself back on his brother.

"They were right! Toni was right! You really have changed!"

_No I haven't… I haven't changed at all… _

"That's right… " Lovino mumbled, swallowing down the harsh lie as he rested his chin on his brothers head.

"I'm so happy I could die!" Feliciano cried, tears forming in the corners of his eyes. "I have my brother back…" He murmured lowly under his breath.

For the first time that night, Lovino actually squeezed his brother back.

"Hey, Feli!" Antonio called from across the room, where he had been standing and watching the entire scene. Feliciano loosened his embrace from his brother to crane his neck to the Spaniard. Antonio held out his phone in front of him. "It's for you. It's Ludwig." He quickly explained. Nodding in understanding and hugging his brother one last time, he rushed over to take the phone from Antonio and quickly held it to his ear, almost immediately receiving a scolding from the worried German.

Antonio took this as his opportunity to approach the frozen Italian standing alone in the middle of the room. Quickly walking over him, Antonio was surprised to find his expression so shocked. There Lovino stood, wide eyed, pale, and horror-struck. Antonio sighed.

"Do you still think you can do it? Even after all of that?" He asked, his eyebrow raised. Though Lovino knew exactly what he was talking about, he chose to stay silent. "Do you have any idea how much he means to you? And you _still _want to do it?" The tone of his voice rose, but Lovino didn't seem to mind.

"I…. I have to…" He sputtered. "It's the only way I'll be able to fix the problem…"

"No it's not!" Antonio snapped. "Lovi…" He began again, his tone softer. "We can work this out…"

"No!" Lovino snapped harshly. "Its…. It's the only way I can get rid of my guilt." Antonio's eyes saddened, his face drooping in sorrow. The words stung his throat like bee stings as he spoke, and his voice was so low it nearly cracked while he spoke.

"So you're willing to get rid of him?"


End file.
